Subject: Daily Dose - 040504 - powdered milk, News of the Weird,
electronics, DDL, Rotten News
A father from Europe is visiting his
son in America for the very first time. They are at the local supermarket going
up and down the aisles.
Dad: "Vas diss, powdered orange
juice?"
Son: "Yeah, Dad. You just add
water, and you have fresh orange juice!"
A few minutes later, in a different
aisle the father says: "Und vas dis, powdered milk?"
Son: "Yeah, Dad. You just add
water, and you have fresh milk!"
A few minutes later, in a different
aisle the father says: "Und give look here. Baby Powder! Vat a country!
Dey take da fun outta everyting!"
____________________________
News of the Weird....
Art Comes to Life: In a 1999 episode
of TV's "The Simpsons," Homer became a temporary multibillionaire by
accidentally inventing a "tomacco" plant that sprouted tobacco-bred
tomatoes that were hopelessly addictive from even a single bite. Inspired (and
hoping to draw attention to the show's anti-smoking message), Rob Baur of Lake
Oswego, Ore., tried to grow such a plant and has somewhat succeeded, although a
forensic researcher believes that only the plant itself, and not the fruit,
contains nicotine. In February, he announced that he would auction off the golf-ball-sized
fruit. [New York Post, 2-7-04; Wired, 11-7-03]
*********
Ronald Paul McAllister, 43,
allegedly robbed a Bank of America branch in Tulsa, Okla., in January, during
which incident he was quoted as advising a teller, "Don't do anything
stupid, lady." Moments later, as McAllister fled with his loot, he forgot
to take his holdup note, which was a pre-printed withdrawal slip with his name
on it. He was easily tracked down, and police now say McAllister had robbed
another bank in October. [Tulsa World, 1-24-04]
*********
Ariel Alonso, who lives near
Roanoke, Va., was indignant when the U.S. Drug Enforcement Administration
wrongly accused him of setting up a methamphetamine lab, and asked
rhetorically, after the charges were dropped in January, "How do I get my
... dignity back?" The laboratory of Alonso (and his then-partner Jonathan
Conrad) was in reality making the so-called "fluid of life," which
they goaded customers into buying (at $20 to $40 a dose) by claiming that it is
the component of human cells and can cleanse people internally and build new
tissue, even though it was just potassium chloride and white grape juice.
(That, apparently, is the business plan that gave Alonso "dignity.")
[Roanoke Times, 1-25-04]
*********
Convicted murderer Robert Ivey
continued to tell a court in Montreal, Quebec, in December that (contrary to a
jury's finding) he is not guilty of killing the 42-year-old victim and that if
only he had enough money to challenge the conclusive DNA tests (which showed that
his blood was all over the victim's apartment), he would be a free man. A few
moments later during his recitation to the court, Ivey asked the judge for
credit toward his sentencing because of his conscientiousness in having spent
"seven hours" cleaning up the crime scene and the victim's body.
[Montreal Gazette, 12-24-03]
*********
North Korean leader Kim Jong Il, who
is widely believed by United Nations officials and Far East experts to be
tolerating the starvation deaths of perhaps millions of his countrymen,
launched a nationwide campaign in January to improve national health by
eradicating smoking, whose practitioners, said Kim, are one of the "three
main fools of the 21st century" (along with people ignorant about music
and computers). [BBC News, 1-9-04; The Guardian, 11-2-03 (starvation)]
**********
In November, Jacky Bibby, 52, of
Whiskey Flats, Texas (near Fort Worth), first sat in a bathtub with 81 live
rattlesnakes and then extended his own Guinness Book record by stuffing the
tails of nine of them into his mouth. Protocol required that he band the tails
together at the rattles and hold them in his mouth for 10 seconds while leaning
forward. (The Associated Press reported that Bibby's day job is
"marketing" for a drug treatment center.) (Also, in December, Brian
Moffitt of Winnipeg, Manitoba, extended his Guinness Book record of 702 body
piercings by inserting 900 surgical needles into his leg at the same time.)
[Associated Press, 11-19-03] [Reuters, 12-14-03]
**********
Geologist David J. Siveter of
Leicester University (England) wrote in the journal Science in December that he
and his team had found a fossil 425 million years old that is probably the
oldest record of an unambiguously male animal. They named the half-inch-long
shellfish Colymbosathon ecplecticos, which they said means "swimmer with a
large penis," referring to its organ that is one-fifth of its body length.
[New York Times, 12-4-03]
***********
Conditional Love
Eva Reyes, 71, the mother of convicted murderer David Maust of Hammond, Ind.,
said in December, upon being informed that Maust had been charged with three
more murders: "I love David, but, yes, (the death penalty) would be the
right thing to do for him (if convicted)." Also in December, Lynda Nixon,
the mother of convicted double murderer Ian Huntley (Soham, England), told The
Sun newspaper: "I believe Ian should not live after what he's done. I
truly wish we had capital punishment" (and she went on to specify an
"electric chair"). [Anchorage Daily News-AP, 12-14-03] [BBC News,
12-19-03]
**********
More Things You Probably Didn't Know
(1) The first international camel beauty pageant was held in November in the
Alxa League area of the Inner Mongolia Autonomous region of China, according to
an Associated Press dispatch, featuring nearly 100 dressed-up camels judged (by
veteran herders) for the shine of their hair and the uprightness of their
humps. (2) And a Duke Medical Center study, announced in December, concluded
that doses of nicotine might reduce age-associated memory impairment
("senior moments"), thus adding to the conditions (others:
schizophrenia, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder) that can benefit from
nicotine. [Longview (Tex.) News-Journal-AP, 11-15-03] [Science Daily, 12-13-03]
**********
Recurring Themes
In January, doctors at the Selian Hospital, Arusha, Tanzania, removed a
toothbrush from the stomach of a 54-year-old man who had become the latest
person to swallow one while brushing his teeth. And in December in Cortland,
N.Y., Ron Tanner was captured after about a year on the run as a fugitive from
a prison in Wyoming, where he was serving time for theft. Tanner is now the
latest innocent man (the Wyoming Supreme Court recently threw out his theft
conviction) jailed for escaping from a prison where he was being wrongfully
detained, and he faces up to 10 years behind bars if convicted. [Sydney Morning
Herald, 1-17-04] [News10now.com (Time-Warner news channel, Syracuse), 12-23-03]
***********
The District of Calamity (continued)
Even after it had learned that its chief technology officer's claim of a
college computer sciences degree was bogus, the Washington, D.C., Elections
Board declined to fire her, reasoning that such a degree was not important to
her job (January). And the D.C. Contract Appeals Board declined to suspend a
paving firm that had pleaded guilty last year to bribing district officials,
thus allowing it to resume normal contracting work (January). Also in January,
a government audit revealed that the district last year had failed to use (and
therefore had lost) $5 million from federal grants for breakfast and lunch
programs for low-income children because it could not figure out how to spend it.
[Washington Times, 1-18-04] [Washington Times, 1-22-04] [Washington Post,
1-3-04]
***********
Also, in the Last Month
The 48-year-old father of a high school basketball player, riled at the
officiating of a game, was charged with assault after allegedly biting two of
the three referees in an on-court brawl (Colorado Springs, Colo.). And crude
oil bubbled up from the toilet and sinks of Leila LeTourneau's home, covering
the floors (possibly from an old, uncapped well under the home) (Longview,
Texas). And two Cubans who had tried to land in Florida last year on their
pontooned 1951 Chevy truck (but were turned back by the Coast Guard) tried
again with a pontooned 1959 Buick (but were again turned back). [Associated
Press, 2-5-04] [MSNBC-AP, 2-5-04] [St. Petersburg Times-AP, 2-5-04]
_________________________
In my job as an electronics
salesman, I've seen the rise in popularity of sport-utility vehicles and
minivans, which has
created a market for rear-seat entertainment. Monitors that keep passengers
occupied with movies and television have been
selling like crazy.
One day as I was showing a young
couple how a monitor could play videos, DVD's, and even pick up local TV
stations, the
husband asked matter-of-factly, "Does it get cable?"
___________________________
DDL
A very smart lady named Cookie
Said, 'I like to mix gambling with nookie.
Before every race
I go home to my place
And curl up with a very good bookie.'
___________________________
"I have always wanted to be
somebody, but I see now I should have been more specific.
- Lily Tomlin"
___________________________
NASA says it will take two weeks to
fix the software on the Mars Rover.
Actually, it should only take 3
minutes to fix. They've budgeted the rest of the time for being on hold with
Dell Technical Support.
____________________________
"'President Bush said that he
is worried that Iraq could be overrun by religious fundamentalists. Hey, if
it's good enough for the Republican Party, it's good enough for Iraq.'"
--Jay Leno
____________________________
Rotten News... (true)
Cocaine in Diaper Illegally
Found
Wed Mar 3, 3:47 PM ET
EVANSVILLE, Ind. - A father facing
drug charges argues a trooper made an unconstitutional search by changing his
son's apparently soiled diaper and finding a bag of crack hidden inside.
The diaper change was a search
conducted without probable cause, Walter H. Martin argued in asking the court
to throw out the evidence.
Martin, 30, goes on trial next week.
His wife, Tawana Fairley, pleaded guilty to a lesser charge in the fall.
Trooper Douglas Humphrey discovered
the drugs last June after pulling Martin over for speeding.
Humphrey learned Martin was a
suspect in a drug investigation, and a search by a drug-detection dog led
Fairley to admit she had marijuana, court documents said.
When Humphrey lifted the
18-month-old boy, he noticed "a large load" in the baby's diaper. The
trooper then found the cocaine inside.
*********
Mon, Jan 05, 2004
Harassed 'Saddam' Seeks New Name
RIYADH (Reuters) - A Saudi Arabian
man who called his son Saddam Hussein 14 years ago is now desperately trying to
have the name changed. Mohsen al-Harithy first asked the relevant authorities
to change his son's name in 1990, when the forces of the now-deposed Iraqi
president invaded neighboring Kuwait, the Saudi English-language Arab News
newspaper reported Monday.
But the boy's file was destroyed by
an Iraqi missile attack on the civil status department in the Saudi capital
Riyadh in the 1991 war to liberate Kuwait.
"After I found the paper was
gone, I forgot about the whole thing but recent events and the capture of
Saddam force me to change the name," he said. "The Saddam name now
symbolizes pessimism, evil, mockery and disappointment all at once."
Saddam, once regarded as a hero by
Arabs for adopting policies against the United States and Israel, was captured
by U.S. troops in December without a fight. A U.S.-led invasion toppled Saddam
in April.
Al-Harithy told Arab News his son
was constantly fighting with his classmates who tease him about his name. The
newspaper did not say how the man planned to change his son's name without
paperwork.
**********
Iraqis Get New Recruit: 'Saddam
Hussein'
Wed Jan 7, 2:01 PM ET
By PAUL GARWOOD, Associated Press
Writer
TIKRIT, Iraq - A beaming Saddam
Hussein was among 100 graduates who joined the ranks Wednesday of the
U.S.-trained Iraqi Civil Defense Corps.
The 21-year-old namesake of the
former Iraqi dictator said he was proud to join Iraq new internal defense
force. Saddam Hussein Ali said he believed he would serve his country far
better than the deposed leader ever did.
"I am happy that Saddam Hussein
is not in power any more," he told The Associated Press after receiving
his graduation certificate and commemorative bayonet. "He did nothing for
our country but kill people and build palaces for himself."
Naming children after Saddam was
common in Iraq, especially during the early years of his rule from 1979 to
2003.
The ceremony was held inside one of
the former Iraqi president's old palaces in his home town of Tikrit, which is
now the headquarters of the U.S. Army's 1st Battalion, 22nd Infantry Regiment
of the 4th Infantry Division.
More than 900 Iraqi troops have
joined the new civil defense force in western Iraq, which was established
following the U.S.-led toppling of Saddam's regime. The Iraqis underwent three
weeks of training by U.S. forces and will operate throughout the country,
performing tasks like establishing check points, conducting searches and
serving as a rapid reaction force.
Battalion commander Lt. Col. Steve
Russell said interest from Iraqis wanting to join up has grown since the first
batch of its members were trained in Tikrit six months ago. Only 70 percent of
the first group graduated, compared to 98 percent in the latest batch.
"This shows that people are
wanting to join this force and help in defending their own country,"
Russell said.
About 200 new ICDC members will be
graduating in Baghdad on Thursday in two ceremonies being conducted by
coalition forces.
************
FRENCH SMEAR BRITISH DEAD
By SIMON HUGHES
SICK French yobs daubed a swastika
and vile anti-war slurs at a cemetery for 11,000 British troops.
The showpiece cenotaph at the
graveyard in Northern France was smeared in red paint with the words: “Dig up
your rubbish. It’s fouling our soil.”
Other slogans at the Etaples
cemetery near Boulogne included “Death to the Yankees” and “Saddam Hussein will
win and spill your blood.”
And the vandals wrote “Rosbeefs go
home” — the French insult for Brits is roast-beefs. Prime Minister Tony Blair
and US President George Bush were also branded war criminals.
The graffiti was discovered by a
shocked gardener and spotted by around 80 visitors. It was cleaned off the same
day.
Roy Hemmington — spokesman for the
Commonwealth War Graves Commission — said: “We are deeply offended. This is the
strongest language and most vile graffiti I have witnessed at a war graves
cemetery. The suggestion that the bodies of soldiers who died for France should
be dug up is particularly foul.”
Most soldiers buried at the cemetery
were defending France at the Somme and Ypres during World War I. Another 122
are troops who died fighting the Nazis in World War II. Among the dead are a
winner of the Victoria Cross, 217 holders of the Military Medal and 69 holders
of the Military Cross. A number had been awarded France’s top military
decoration, the Legion d’Honneur.
Roy added: “Almost every British
regiment has war dead here. This insults just about the entire British Army.”
Anti-British feeling has been
whipped up in France since President Jacques Chirac refused to let the UN back
action against Iraq.
Last night Jim Kelleher, chief clerk
to the Royal Fusiliers Association, said: “No sane person would do this. It is
a disgrace. I have family buried in France and if I could get my hands on
whoever did this I’d bury them too.”
Jeremy Lillies, of the Royal British
Legion, added: “It is distressing.”
The Sun’s Military Adviser
Major-General Perkins said: “It is despicable.”
Appalled local MP Jacques Lang said:
“It is an attack on the memory of the British and American soldiers who
contributed to the liberation of our soil.” Police captain Thibault Martin
added: “It is sick and cowardly.”
The shocking news comes as a new
poll reveals that a third of the French want SADDAM to win the war.
A massive 78 per cent of 1,000
people in the poll by French newspaper Le Monde disapproved of the Allied
action.
But 16 per cent “really wish for” a
Coalition victory — while 37 per cent said they would prefer one.
