Subject: Daily Dose - 040428 - Hamster, Cat & Dog, Hey Martha, What's wrong, Doctor, DDL, Rotten News

A Hamster, a Cat and a Dog all live in the same house.

The Hamster decided she wanted to go on a journey, so she packed a bag and put on her favorite hat and started on her way. The Cat noticed the Hamster was preparing to leave so she decided since there wouldn't be anyone to chase she would follow just far enough behind the hamster as to not tip her off. She packed a bag and put on her favorite sweater. Then waited for the hamster to be just far enough away. Then she followed.

The Dog noticed the Cat was leaving he didn't want to be left alone with no one there to chase. So packed what he could carry in a small bag and grabbed his favorite chew toy. Then waited just long enough for the Cat to get a little further away and then followed just far enough behind as to not tip off the Cat.

Then as the Dog was following the Cat and the Cat was following the Hamster the local animal control caught the Dog and the Cat.

While the Hamster looked on with a big grin from ear to ear.

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Hey Martha...  (Weird News)

Yorkshire parents name girl Diot Coke back in 1379, British researchers find

LONDON (AP) - Naming your child after a popular soft drink could be seen as a little bit faddish, but the parents of young Diot Coke might be forgiven - they gave their baby daughter the name in 1379.

Researchers at Britain's National Archives believe that the girl, born in West Riding in Yorkshire, was the unfortunate victim of the corruption of the name Dionisia. One of the diminutives derived from that name on its path to the modern-day Denise was Diot. The girl's surname is believed to be a variation on the name Cook.

George Redmonds, the author of the organization's Ancestors magazine, discovered in his scrutiny of the birth archives that names now considered to be masculine, such as Philip and Thomas, were once used for girls in the 14th century.

Redmonds also found that names such as Godelena, Helwise, Idony, Avice and Dionisia were more popular than some of the names now considered traditional, such as Mary.

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Thu, February 12, 2004

No happy Valentine's Day in India

By BABU LAL SHARMA - Associated Press

LUCKNOW, India (AP) -- Hindu nationalists who claim they are fighting against Western cultural influence have threatened to shave young lovers' heads and beat them if they exchange Valentine's Day cards and gifts.

Valentine's Day, which falls on Saturday, has in recent years gained popularity in India -- a predominantly Hindu nation whose constitution guarantee freedom of religion.

"The faces of those not heeding our request will be blackened and their heads will be shaved," Ved Prakash Sachchan, of the militant Hindu organization Bajrang Dal, said Thursday in Lucknow, capital of Uttar Pradesh state. "We will not allow any foreign festival which is a violation of Indian culture."

On Wednesday, another Hindu hard-line group, the Shiv Sena, which is a part of Prime Minister Atal Bihari Vajpayee, waved bamboo sticks at a rally in Lucknow threatening to beat people who observe Valentine's Day.

"We will not allow westernization of Indian culture as St. Valentine was a Christian and celebrating Valentine's Day would be a violation of Indian culture," Sachchan said.

In the past, Hindu nationalists have accosted young couples and vandalized shops selling Valentine cards and gifts in Indian cities, while police have stood by taking no action. Traditional Indian society does not approve of public displays of affection between the sexes, including hand-holding, and police often interrupt couples strolling or sitting together in public.

Despite the threats, some people said they would not be dissuaded from celebrating Valentine's Day.

"Such celebrations are not against Hinduism," Gujarat University student Anish Patel Patel said. "I will definitely celebrate Valentine's Day along with my girlfriends."

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March 22, 2004 

Japan enthralled by horse that's lost 106 times

By JOSEPH COLEMAN

TOKYO (AP) - Glorious Spring is the undisputed darling of Japan's racetracks. Thousands pack the stands to watch the thoroughbred run, a new pop song sings her praises, and a movie is in the works.

The eight-year-old horse has earned all the attention with an ignoble feat: She's lost more than 100 races in a row. Glorious Spring - or "Haru-urara" in Japanese - was out doing what she does best Monday, losing her 106th consecutive race, even with Japan's top jockey on her back. More than 10,000 fans braved the rain to watch her come in 10th out of 11 horses.

A horse that has never won a race is an unlikely hero, but Haru-urara's struggles have struck a chord with the Japanese fondness for the hopeless but determined underdog.

"It's better if she loses," said Noriyuki Fukui, 21, who came to the Shimbashi Wins off-track betting outlet in Tokyo to drop $9.30 US on Haru-urara. "If she won, it wouldn't be so interesting anymore."

Haru-urara doesn't disappoint.

Born in Japanese horse country in the northern island of Hokkaido, she first raced - and lost - at the Kochi Racecourse in southwestern Japan in November 1998.

She's repeated the defeat with remarkable consistency, winning second place only four times and earning a paltry $9,300 in prize money. She was due for retirement when her losing streak started attracting attention last summer.

Since then, the horse has become Japan's top four-legged celebrity. Her admirers are filling the Kochi Racecourse, travel agents are making a killing off "Haru" tours, and her chestnut face adorns shirts, cups and other tourist trinkets.

Her already legendary lack of speed has made betting tickets with her name on them talismans to guard against traffic accidents. And her face is being used as advertising space: She races with a pink "Hello Kitty" riding mask. A pop song about her came out last week, and a Tokyo film producer is planning a movie about her exploits.

Even top politicians are paying attention.

"I'd like to see Haru-urara win, even just once," Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi said recently in Parliament. "The horse is a good example of not giving up in the face of defeat."

Shinji Yoshida, 54, said the horse's popularity shows the Japanese, who grew overconfident during the roaring 1980s, had rediscovered their appreciation for the weak and the troubled during more recent economic hard times.

But there are limits to sentimentality, he said.

"I bet on Haru-urara to get the ticket as a memento," he said. "But I still bet on a different horse in the same race - and he came in third."

________________________________

What’s wrong, Doctor? You look puzzled.”

“I can’t figure out exactly what’s wrong with you. I think it’s the result of heavy drinking.”

“Well then, I’ll just come back when you’re sober.”

________________________________

DDL

Said a rancher, while roping a cow,
"I wish that someday they'd endow,
A wench with a rear
Firm and wide like a steer,
And a mouth that could suck like a sow."

_________________________________

"Donald Trump is trying to trademark the phrase 'you're fired'. Bobby Brown is trying to trademark the phrase, 'not guilty your honor'."
--Craig Kilborn

***  

"No matter how low your own self-esteem, there are probably others who think less of you."
--David S. Brown

***  

"I have a stepladder. It's a very nice stepladder, but it's sad that I never knew my real ladder."
--Craig Charles

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Rotten News....  (true)

Lawmaker Arrested for DUI After Ceremony   
Thu Mar 4, 4:19 PM ET

ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. - A lawmaker was charged with drunken driving, hours after attending a bill-signing ceremony to highlight the state's newest effort to crack down on DWI offenders.

Republican Joe Thompson, 37, the House minority whip, apologized after his arrest early Wednesday.

"While I am terribly embarrassed by this situation, I am thankful that no one else was involved," he said. "I will follow the advice of my family and physician to obtain whatever treatment is necessary.

Police said they pulled over Thompson after his vehicle rolled too far into an intersection at a red light. Sgt. Todd Armendariz said there was a "strong smell of alcohol" around Thompson.

Police said he registered a 0.12 and 0.11 on breath-alcohol tests, above the legal limit of 0.08.

During their recent legislative session, lawmakers passed several bills cracking down on repeat drunken drivers. But none would affect Thompson if he is convicted.

Thompson, first elected to the House in 1998, said he will drop his recently announced campaign for a seat on the state Public Regulation Commission.

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Metal thieves steal museum train

DONETSK, Ukraine, Feb. 29 (UPI) -- Metal thieves have stolen an historic steam locomotive from an open-air museum in eastern Ukraine, a week after they stole a bridge.

The Donetsk police chief told the local Ukrayina TV channel the criminals had probably hired a crane from the state transport company and used forged documents that appeared to give them authority to move the old steam locomotive, the BBC reported Sunday.

Investigators located the locomotive in a metal scrap yard outside the city, but it had already been cut into pieces.

The locomotive was said to be the first ever built in Soviet Ukraine back in 1924, so experts could not put a price on its historic value. But the thieves could have made about $3,700 from selling the 14.5 tons of scrap. It appears doubtful the steam locomotive could be put back together.

Metal theft is rampant in the Ukraine, where statues, wires and even sewage hatches have been stolen for scrap.

Just a week before the locomotive theft, local news reports said thieves had stolen an 11-meter (36-foot) steel bridge in western Ukraine, cutting a town off from the rest of the world.

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Tue, Mar 02, 2004
Farmers Get a Rise Out of Beer Ads  

WINNIPEG, Manitoba (Reuters) - The barley grown by Saskatchewan farmers may not be an aphrodisiac, but a Molson Inc. beer ad campaign in the United States is turning the Canadian farm crowd on.

A series of Molson USA print and radio ads points out that the zinc in Saskatchewan barley is also common to oysters and truffles, known for their amorous properties.

"Here at Molson, we're constantly asked if our Saskatchewan barley is an aphrodisiac," one print ad states. "Those rumors are unfounded," the ad concludes.

Dwayne Anderson, who grows barley on his farm near Fosston in northeast Saskatchewan, said he likes the attention the campaign is giving his crop and province, although he was skeptical about whether his crop has special powers.

"We've never made it over a million people in Saskatchewan, so either we've been exporting a whole pile of people or this beer isn't working worth a hoot!" Anderson said. "It would be interesting to run a test, eh?" he said.

The campaign was conceived when Molson USA sent its ad agency to Canada last year to learn about the ingredients of Molson brands.

"That's when they kind of got on to, 'Hey, there are some other kind of humorous qualities about Saskatchewan barley that may be of interest to a guy (age) 21 to 29,'" said Steve Breen, vice-president of marketing for Molson USA.

Rob McCaig, managing director of the Canadian Malting Barley Technical Center, said very little zinc from barley makes it into beer since most is used up by the yeast during the malting process.

"It's to help yeast impotence -- it's to make sure the yeast keeps going," he said.