Subject: Daily Dose - 040421 - wrong number, BIZARRE NEWS, I hate to go home, DDL, Rotten News

A gentleman staying at a major Las Vegas hotel removes a card offering sexual services from a pay phone in the lobby.

Back in his room, he calls the number. A lady with a silky soft voice answers and asks if she can be of assistance.

The gentleman says, "I'd like a blow job, some missionary work, a little doggie-style, some mild bondage, finishing off with straight 69. What do you think?"

The lady says, "I think it sounds intriguing, sir, but you might like to press 9 first to get an outside line.

__________________________

BIZARRE NEWS...

Bizarre (and Dumb!) People

[These are real acts of stupidity by people, courtesy of netscape.com]  

A man in California was driving in the carpool lane when he was pulled over for driving alone. The man argued that he was not alone, he had three frozen cadavers in the back of his van, and they should be counted as passengers. The police officer did not agree, and wrote the man a ticket.

In Texas there is a company called "Guns for Hire" that stages gunfights for westerns and such things. One day they received a call from a woman who mistakenly thought that she could hire them to kill her husband. Needless to say, she received a hefty jail sentence.

A robber entered a convenience store in Oklahoma and demanded all the money in the cash register. However, when he decided there wasn't enough money, he tied up the clerk and began to man the cash register himself. He was still there three hours later when police came to arrest him.

A parachuting instructor was excited because his wife had just bought him a camera to wear while jumping so that he could tape the experience. On the way up to jump, he was so excited that he put new film in, checked the battery, and made sure the camera was secure on his helmet. He had an amazing jump - but he forgot to put on his parachute.

Police in a small Kentucky town spent hours attempting to talk a gunman out of a standoff situation. After seven hours the police became impatient and shot tear gas into the house. They realized that the gunman was standing beside them only when he began to yell toward the home, "Please just give yourself up and come out with your hands up."

A man entered a fast-food restaurant and explained that he was robbing them. He pulled out a gun and put a bag over his head as a mask. Only then did he realize he had forgotten to cut eyeholes in the makeshift mask. He fell to the ground, where employees made a citizens' arrest.

***  

He's Got Some Balls

A New York City police officer was spared injury when an elderly man dropped a bowling bowl 17 stories and almost hit him.

Douglas Stiff, 69, dropped the 16-pound ball from his 17th floor Brooklyn apartment balcony Monday night, police said. When officers reached Stiff's apartment they found him with binoculars around his neck and empty beer cans and bottles of cheap rum next to a metal seat. "It slipped," Stiff reportedly told them.

However, officers found a second bowling ball racked up on the  balcony -- ready to roll. Minutes before Stiff allegedly dropped the ball, he called 911, saying, "I was robbed. Send the police."

It was unclear if Stiff, who was sentenced to a year in prison in 1991 for assault and criminal possession of a weapon, was trying to strike police or pin down someone else. Stiff was not immediately arrested or charged.

***

It's Not a Good Idea to Sleep on the Job

OKLAHOMA CITY - An Oklahoma couple was shocked when they woke up to discover a drunken intruder asleep in bed with them. The couple called police, ran out of the home and watched as the officers arrested the man who was still asleep despite the loud sirens and commotion.

Dan Johnson, 24, was arrested on the scene and charged with burglary. According to Officer Chad Anthony, it took a great deal of effort to wake the suspect up from his deep slumber.

"After about two to three minutes, Johnson stood up. I saw that he was very intoxicated," he wrote. Johnson had a cell phone on him that belonged to one of the victims and also $4 in cash that he apparently stole.

He is also suspected of kicking down a door at the home and attempting to get in by using garden trimmers to pry open the door.

***

A Voice From Beyond

CLEVELAND - If you are worried about not being able to say goodbye to loved ones before you die, now you can sign up to an online service and compose goodbye e-mails to those you love.

Customer Beverly Bright feels better knowing that she has stored "exit e-mails" for her family. "I thought it was just a really great way to let your friend and family have messages and thoughts," Bright said.

The service, called LastWishes.com, stores the e-mail message, including photos and videos, until someone the customer has chosen lets the company know it's time to click send. The company goes through a verification process to make sure that the information is accurate and that the person really has died.

Once you've signed up for the service you can update the information as often as you want.

***

Maid Service Not So Clean

Some bad news for West Point, Utah - the topless maid service may soon be nonexistent.

The owner of Black Rose Maids, Dee Dee Derian, is hopping mad and has accused the city of trying to sweep her service out of town. The West Point City Council revoked her home business license, claiming she misused it at times by running the business from a cell phone outside her home.

The license gave Derian permission to do scheduling and bookkeeping for the company. Derian feels that the city is discriminating against her because she is not a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

Derian also brought attention to herself in 2001 when neighbors complained about her doing yard work in a bikini.

____________________________

Two men were finishing their work day and one said, "I hate to go home! Every night I eat the same tasteless food, wash the dishes, walk the dog, and then go to bed alone."

His co-worker asked, "Why don't you find a nice girl and get married?"  

As the first man slammed his briefcase shut he replied, "I AM married!"

____________________________

DDL

A carpenter living in Crewe
Who had nothing whatever to do,
Once assisted a whore
With the hinge of her door,
But he made her pay for the screw.

____________________________

"There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?"
--Woody Allen

***  

"Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them."
--Joseph Heller  

***  

"A committee is a creature with three or more legs and no brain."
--Robert Heinlein

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Rotten News... (true)

Tourist held over Rio nudity  
Fri Feb 27,11:38 PM ET 

RIO DE JANEIRO, Brazil (Reuters) - Nudity might be all the rage at Rio de Janeiro's famous Carnival that ended this week, but an Australian tourist has learned not to try it beside the city's landmark Christ the Redeemer statue.

Adam Kubic, 25, was charged with staging an "obscene act" and arrested with a group of friends who police said incited him to bare all and pose with outstretched arms underneath the 100-foot (30-metre) open-armed statue.

A female prosecutor visiting the statue -- one of the city's top tourist attractions atop Corcovado mountain, which commands a breathtaking view of the beachside city -- ordered the group arrested on the spot.

"This is embarrassing, obscene and disrespectful of Brazilians," she said.

Witnesses said the tourists seemed to be drunk, but police could not immediately confirm that.

The tourists will be freed after signing documents obliging them to appear in court or be barred from entering Brazil again, police said.

*********

Tue, Nov 25, 2003
There's Always a Problem
Tue Nov 25,10:19 AM ET

NEW DELHI/ISLAMABAD (Reuters) - The book "Freedom at Midnight" signaled the 1947 partition and independence of Pakistan and India from centuries of British colonial rule, yet on the night of a crucial promised cease-fire, the old foes can't even agree when midnight falls.

India and Pakistan agreed on Monday to stop shooting at each other in the disputed Himalayan region of Kashmir from midnight on Tuesday -- but now disagree when midnight actually is.

Pakistan's army said the cease-fire would start at midnight Pakistan Standard Time, which is 1900 GMT. India's Foreign Ministry insisted it would start at midnight Indian time -- 30 minutes earlier.

Pakistan gained independence from Britain at midnight on April 14, 1947 and India a day later. at midnight on August 15.

Since then the two nations have grown into bitter rivals -- their relationship poisoned by a dispute over the beautiful state of Kashmir.

"Freedom at Midnight," a non-fictional account of the sub continent's independence, was written by Larry Collins and Dominique Lapierre.

Tuesday's saga was possibly too much also for readers of Salman Rushdie's novel "Midnight's Children," which chronicled the lives of a group of people born at the stroke of Indian independence and granted mystical powers.

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The Governator, a 'Strong' Beer for California  
Fri Jan 9,10:18 AM ET

SEATTLE (Reuters) - For Californians who can't get enough of bodybuilder turned film star turned governor Arnold Schwarzenegger, a brewery in the neighboring state of Oregon is offering a new full-bodied beer labeled "The Governator."

Portland-based MacTarnahan's Brewing Co., which brews a popular regional beer of the same name, came up with the idea for the strong brew just before the holidays last year and has seen brisk demand for the ESB, or extra special bitter ale.

Called "The Governator Ale," the label features a man flexing his muscles beneath a logo of the state of California with the words "Pumpin Iron Brewing" superimposed on top.

"The big surprise is that The Governator, behind its novelty packaging, is actually top-notch," MacTarnahan's chief executive Jerome Chicvara said in a statement issued when the beer went on sale. "We're hoping this is a sign of things to come in Sacramento."

The beer, which is also higher in alcohol content, comes in oversized 22-ounce (625-ml) bottles that retail for about $2.99 each. It is available in California but, so far, distributors in the states of Oregon and Washington aren't interested, said company spokeswoman Renee Daniels.