Subject: Daily Dose - 040414 - cold hands, THIS is TRUE, dinner blessing, DDL, Rotten News

Little Johnny was visiting a friend of his in New York during the winter. He and his friend went outside to play in the snow. After about an hour, his friend's mother called them back inside and had them remove their galoshes and gloves.

Little Johnny's friend's mom was a tall voluptuous, woman who would warm her son's hands by putting them between her thighs. So as usual, when her son came in from playing in the snow, she asked if his hands were cold, to which he replied "yes".

She then put them together and stuck them between her warm thighs. After a few minutes, she asked "are they warm yet?" and the little boy said "yes". Little Johnny watched his friend and waited his turn.

His friend's mom then asked him if his hands were cold, to which he replied, "yes". So she took his hands, put them together and stuck them between her thighs. After a few minutes she asked if his hands were "warm yet" and he said "yes". So she took them out.

Little Johnny continued to stand there with a sly grin on his face. When the mom asked "well what is it now, Little Johnny? What's wrong?"

Little Johnny looked up at her and replied "my ears are cold too!"

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THIS is TRUE...

POLICE TACTICS 101: David Miller, 38, of Nashville, Tenn., was surprised by a robber who pistol-whipped him into submission, shoved him inside his apartment, then stole a video game console, cash, and Miller's watch and cell phone. When police Sgt. Matt Pylkas arrived to investigate, he decided to call Miller's phone. Sure enough, the robber answered it. The cop told the robber if he brought back the game console he'd be given $50. "It was something straight out of a police drama," Pylkas said, calling it "classic negotiation 101." When Craigen D. Harris, 18, arrived to collect the loot, he was arrested. "It wasn't funny last night," Miller said, still nursing a head wound, "but it's funny now." (Nashville Tennessean)
...Miller: hurt until he laughs. Everyone else: laugh until it hurts.

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NOT GUILTY: Assistant Principal Pat Conroy of South Haven (Mich.) High School suspected a student was dealing drugs. To ensure he was caught, Conroy says he planted marijuana in the student's locker, knowing an upcoming search by police dogs would find it and then he'd have cause to expel the boy. But the dogs missed the contraband. When Conroy told officers what he did, they raided his school office and found 10 small bags of marijuana and "assorted pills," an investigative report said. Conroy, 52, says he confiscated the drugs over several years from students, but school policy -- and the law -- requires confiscated drugs to be turned over to police. Conroy has resigned, and has pleaded not guilty to misdemeanor drug possession. (St. Joseph Herald-Palladium)
...Having heard "I didn't do it, no one saw me" so many times he thought it might work in real life.

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GUILTY: Officials at Narragansett (R.I.) High School welcomed three police dogs for a random screening for drugs. "The dogs did indicate that four separate locations in the school were positive for scent," says Police Chief J. David Smith, but he admitted searches where the dogs alerted turned up no drugs, and no arrests were made. But since school administrators could smell what they thought was marijuana in one student's locker where a dog barked, they suspended the student the locker was assigned to for three days. School Superintendent Pia Durkin backed the suspension, saying the search was to counter "the addiction issue before it becomes a legal issue," and the odor indicated "residual use" of pot. Chief Smith said such searches send "a very strong message." (Narragansett Times)
...Which is: "Guilty until proven innocent."

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TOIL AND TROUBLE: "We don't discriminate on the basis of religion or lifestyle," insists Tony Green, owner of the Greenwood Hotel in North Sydney, NSW, Australia. "For instance, one of the local churches uses the bar for a regular Bible meeting." But Green confirms he asked a Pagan group not to hold its meetings there anymore, since "they behaved as though they are witches" and other customers "found their behavior strange and threatening." (Sydney Morning Herald)
...Making it the first time bar patrons were asked to leave for ordering up spirits.

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ANOTHER FEARLESS PREDICTION: "Greenspan Says Rates Will Go Up Sometime"
-- USA Today headline

______________________________

A family was having some people to dinner. At the table, the mother turned to her six-year-old daughter and said, "Dear, would you like to say the blessing?"

"I wouldn't know what to say," replied the little girl, shyly.

"Just say what you hear Mommy say, sweetie," the woman said.

Her daughter took a deep breath, bowed her head, and solemnly said, "Dear Lord, why the hell did I invite all these people to dinner!?!"

_______________________________

DDL

There is a certain young woman named Janet
Who's the sexiest dish on the planet
From her toe to her palm
She's a nuclear bomb
And no one, thank god, wants to ban it.

________________________________

"On Monday mornings I am dedicated to the proposition that all men are created jerks."
--H. Allen Smith

***  

"I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought I'd rather dance with the cows until you come home."
--Groucho Marx  

***  

"What do I think of Western civilization? I think it would be a good idea."
--Mahatma Ghandi

_________________________________

Rotten News...  (true)

Posted on Fri, Mar. 12, 2004

Popcorn vapors under scrutiny

BY CONNIE FARROW
Associated Press

The Environmental Protection Agency is studying the chemicals released into the air when a bag of microwave popcorn is popped or opened.

Exposure to vapors from butter flavoring in microwave popcorn has been linked to a rare lung disease contracted by factory workers in Missouri, Illinois, Iowa and Nebraska. The National Institute for Occupational Safety and Health has said it suspects the chemical diacetyl caused the illnesses.

However, health officials insist that people who microwave popcorn and eat it at home are not in danger.

In the first direct study of chemicals contained in one of the nation's most popular snack foods, the EPA's Indoor Environment Management Branch at Research Triangle Park, N.C., is examining the type and amount of chemicals emitted from microwave popcorn bags.

Further research would be needed to determine any health effects of those chemicals and whether consumers are at risk, said Jacky Rosati, an EPA scientist involved in the study.

About 50 brands, batches and flavors of microwave popcorn -- from super-buttery to sugary sweet ''kettle corn'' -- are being tested, she said.

''Obviously, we are looking at diacetyl because it is a known compound that will come off this popcorn. But we're not looking at that alone,'' Rosati said.

The Flavor and Extract Manufacturers Association based in Washington, D.C., said the flavor ingredients in microwave popcorn pose no threat to consumers.

The Food and Drug Administration also considers butter flavoring safe for consumer use.

''I haven't seen anything that would give us any reason to suspect this is something we should make a high priority,'' said George Pauli, acting director of the FDA's Office of Food Additive Safety.

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Woman, 96, Disavows Drugs in Wheelchair   
Sat Mar 13, 7:58 PM ET

KINGS MOUNTAIN, N.C. - A 96-year-old woman facing drug charges said she does not know how the crack cocaine deputies found on her got into her wheelchair.

Julia Roberts was charged with possession of crack with intent to sell and deliver, and with possessing a crack pipe, sheriff's officials said. She was freed pending a hearing March 30.

"I've never seen (the drugs) in my life," she told The Charlotte Observer for a Saturday story. "I don't know how they could get there."

A search warrant for the arrest said it's the third time Cleveland County deputies have seized crack at the mobile home Roberts shared with her son.

Harold Roberts, 61, was charged with possession of stolen goods. Harold Roberts' brother, James Roberts, 58, who lived nearby, was charged with possession of moonshine. A neighbor, Donald Eugene Bridges, 56, was charged with possession of stolen property.

Cleveland County Sheriff's Office Capt. Bobby Steen said Roberts and the three men traded crack for stolen property, mostly jewelry and guns.

The affidavit said an informant told deputies that Julia Roberts hid crack in her prosthetic leg during a previous search.

Roberts said she has kicked her son out of the house.

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Mon, Mar 15, 2004
Calif. Officials Nearly Fall for H2O Hoax   

ALISO VIEJO, Calif. - City officials were so concerned about the potentially dangerous properties of dihydrogen monoxide that they considered banning foam cups after they learned the chemical was used in their production.

Then they learned, to their chagrin, that dihydrogen monoxide — H2O for short — is the scientific term for water.

"It's embarrassing," said City Manager David J. Norman. "We had a paralegal who did bad research."

The paralegal apparently fell victim to one of the many official looking Web sites that have been put up by pranksters to describe dihydrogen monoxide as "an odorless, tasteless chemical" that can be deadly if accidentally inhaled.

As a result, the City Council of this Orange County suburb had been scheduled to vote next week on a proposed law that would have banned the use of foam containers at city-sponsored events. Among the reasons given for the ban were that they were made with a substance that could "threaten human health and safety."

The measure has been pulled from the agenda, although Norman said the city may still eventually ban foam cups.

"If you get Styrofoam into the water and it breaks apart, it's virtually impossible to clean up," Norman said.