Subject: Daily Dose - 040413 - DUSTY UNDERWEAR, BIZARRE NEWS, Ford Escort, DDL, Rotten News

DUSTY UNDERWEAR

The other morning I took a pair of underwear out of the drawer.

"What the hell?" I said to myself as a little "dust" cloud appeared when I shook them out.

"Babe," I hollered into the bathroom, "why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?"

She shot back: "It's not talcum powder. It's 'Miracle Grow'."

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BIZARRE NEWS....

Bizarre Couples

Fabien Pretou, standing at 6ft, 2 inches tall, towered over his 3ft, 1 inch bride Natalie Lucius at their 1990 wedding in Seysinnet-Pariset, France.

Harry Stevens, 103, married his 84-year-old cousin, Thelma Lucas, at a Wisconsin retirement home in 1984.

In 1871, Captain Martin van Buren Bates married Anna Hanen Swan in London. She was 7ft 5 1/2 inches tall and he stood at 7ft 2 1/2 inches.

When Ruth and Kevin Kimber married in 1990, she was 93 and he was 28.

In 1863, American dwarf Charles S. Stratton married Lavinia Warren. He was 2ft, 10in tall and she was 2ft 8 in. In 1884, the widowed Lavinia married Count Primo Magri who was two inches shorter than her first husband.

In 1995, following a courtship that lasted several months, 100-year-old Samuel Bukoro married 12-year-old Nyamihanda in Uganda.

In 1994, 26-year-old Anna Nicole Smith tied the knot with 89-year-old millionaire J. Howard Marshall. She was attracted by his "kindness."

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A Clean Break

ADVANCE, N.C. - Employees at a Wendy's fast-food restaurant took cleanliness a tad too far when they took a bath in the dishwashing sink at the establishment.

Their fun in the tub was revealed thanks to pictures the two men took as they posed, in bathing suits, in a sink filled with bubbles. The sink they used at the Wendy's has cleaning jets and is normally used for washing pots and pans, not arms and legs.

Barry Bass, the director of the Davie County Health Department, said the restaurant won't be cited for any health-code violations, because no health official directly saw the violation. The manager of the restaurant assured health officials that the sink had been sanitized and an incident like that would never happen again.

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Questioning Her [Senti]mentality

It is not unusual for people to collect things, such as coins or stamps. However, it is a little odd to have a collection of body parts.

For actress Drea de Matteo, who plays Adriana La Cerva on the television series The Sopranos, sentimentality leads to her desire to collect bits and pieces of those who mean the most to her. She has just added to her bizarre collection by becoming the proud owner of her brother's teeth.

"He sent me all his teeth in the mail. He had one side of his mouth replaced. I like to keep things. I'm sentimental." However, De Matteo's strangest keepsakes rest in a jar on her bedside table - the testicles from her Great Dane.

She remarked, "He's still alive. I show them to him every time he misbehaves. I think he knows they're his."

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Why You Shouldn't Play With Your Food

WINTER HAVEN, Fla. - A huge food fight at the Spring Haven Retirement Community resulted in a man taking a bite out of another's arm and other residents suffering minor injuries.

The whole fracas began after a dispute at the salad bar. Resident Lee Thoss was picking through the lettuce, much to the disgust of William Hocker, who was in line behind him. Hocker told Thoss that nobody wanted to eat food he had been touching, causing Thoss to yell and curse at him.

Hocker informed police and called Thoss a nasty name. Then, according to witnesses, Thoss started punching Hocker in the face. In the full-out fight that followed, Allen Croft attempted to grab Thoss, who bit his arm. Thoss' mother, Arlene, who also lives at the home, tried to break up the fight and ended up with a cut arm.

All involved did not press charges, but administrators have asked Lee Thoss to leave.

***

Her Spirits Weren't the Holy Kind

WARSAW - A Polish Benedictine nun might have to break her drinking habit after she was busted for drinking and driving and might be heading to jail. According to a police report, the 45-year-old nun drove a tractor into a car while intoxicated outside her convent in southwestern Poland.

Darius Waluch, police spokesman in the Polish town of Dzierzoniow, said that she will be charged with drinking and driving and causing an accident, which holds a prison sentence of up to two years.

Waluch said the nun was 17 times over the country's legal alcohol limit for driving.

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When I picked up my Ford Escort at the service station after some minor repairs, I paid by check as usual. A couple of weeks later I came home from work to find my fiancee quite upset. She gave me the silent treatment until I figured out why she was so angry.

She had noticed the canceled check, and on the memo line I had written "Escort Service."

_____________________________

DDL

The lady did insist on doing it her way
Hanging upside down in a doorway,
Surprised that it turned out swell,
When I learned how to ring her bell,
But the affair was a bit short on foreplay

_____________________________

"Because of the success of Mel Gibson's movie, CBS has decided to rebroadcast its TV movie from 2000 called, 'Jesus.' And Fox has a special called, 'When Apostles Attack.'"
--Jay Leno

***  

"You've done such a nice job decorating the White House."
--Singer and reality TV celebrity Jessica Simpson commenting to Interior Secretary Gale Norton at a White House luncheon.

***  

One finds the most romantic people at home improvement centers. My son was helping a couple purchase a new door for their home. After he asked what size they needed, the stumped husband yelled clear across the store to his wife in home supplies, "Honey, c'mon over here and see which one of these door you can fit through!"

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Rotten News...  (true)

Tue, Mar 16, 2004
Taiwan President's Nose Too Small for Re-Election  

By Richard Dobson

TAIPEI (Reuters) - President Chen Shui-bian could lose Taiwan's closely fought presidential election this month by a nose.

With a prediction based on Chen's small nose, fortune teller Fan Yun dismissed the Taiwan leader's chances of winning a second term in the March 20 presidential election.

For Fan, the future is written all over Chen's face, an important measure of an individual's fortune in Chinese society.

"The size of a leader's nose has a direct relation to the fortunes of the country they lead," said Fan, who mans one of the many small fortune-telling booths that line a pedestrian underpass near the Hsin Tien Temple in Taipei.

"Everything about Chen's face is small and that's why the last four years have been so bad," she said, referring to the economic downturn that hit the island's economy a year after Chen swept to office in 2000.

Never mind the fact that Chen's face was graced with the same nose when he trounced his opponent, Lien Chan of the Nationalist party, four years ago.

While some dismiss fortune tellers as shady merchants peddling concocted visions to the gullible, many of Taiwan's 23 million people swear by them and consult the stars on everything from investments to careers to marriage and even vacation plans.

While some may blame his nose, other fortune tellers said a Chen victory should not be ruled out.

"To gauge a person's fortune, you have to look at their complexion and Chen's appears very bright as you can see from his ruddy cheeks," said Cheng Wen-kuei, a fortune teller who said he has been in the business for more than 20 years.

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Tue, Mar 16, 2004
Desperate Afghan makes an ass out of himself  

KABUL (Reuters) - A frustrated Afghan soldier who could not afford to get married has been released without charge after being caught having sex with a donkey, police say.

The soldier, who was not identified, was detained for several days last week after a young boy spotted him with the animal in an abandoned house in the southeastern town of Gardez.

"The man insisted he had no other choice but the donkey because he could not afford to pay a dowry to get married," a local police officer told Reuters.

The man had since been released without charge, he said.

In many parts of Afghanistan men must pay at least $3,000 (1,650 pounds) to the parents of their prospective bride, making marriage difficult for many in a country where the average annual income is only a few hundred dollars.

Under the strict Islamic rule of the fundamentalist Taliban regime overthrown in 2001, sex outside of marriage or bestiality were punished by stoning to death or flogging.

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Mon, Mar 15, 2004
At last - proof that Guinness bubbles sink  

LONDON (Reuters) - People celebrating St Patrick's Day on Wednesday can cross one topic of conversation off their lists.

Guinness bubbles really do sink.

Scientists said on Monday they had finally proved that the dark stout's creamy bubbles defy expectations and flow down instead of upwards.

"Our group carried out preliminary experiments at a local pub a few years ago, but the results proved inconclusive," said Dr Andrew Alexander, from the University of Edinburgh's School of Chemistry.

They first thought the dark liquid flowing down as a pint was poured gave the illusion the bubbles were going down as well.

Now close examination has revealed that, as a pint settles, bubbles touching the walls of the glass experience drag, similar to that a person feels sliding their finger along glass, and that prevents them floating up.

The bubbles in the middle however, are free to rise, creating a circular flow within the glass that causes bubbles at the edge to be pushed downwards on the inside surface of the glass.

The Edinburgh team, working with researchers at Stanford University in California have produced high-speed video footage of the sinking bubbles -- to put at rest the minds of any drinkers who might have felt they were seeing things.