Subject: Daily Dose - 040410 - DUCK TRIAL, BIZARRE NEWS, I don't want the eggs, DDL, Rotten News

DUCK TRIAL

Three ducks were arrested and brought to Court.

The judge asked the first duck, "What's your name, and what are you here for?"

The first duck answered, "My name is Quack and I was arrested for blowing bubbles in the pond."

"I see," said the Judge. "I sentence you to three months in the County Jail."

Then he turned to the second duck, "What is your name and why are you here?"

"My name is Quack Quack and I too was arrested for blowing bubbles in the pond."

"I sentence you to three months in Jail as well!"

The Judge then turned to the third duck and said, "Don't tell me that your name is Quack Quack Quack!"

"No Sir, I'm Bubbles!!!

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BIZARRE NEWS....

Bizarre Canadian Laws

You may not pay for a fifty-cent item with only pennies.

Citizens may not publicly remove bandages.  

In British Columbia, it is illegal to kill a sasquatch.  

In New Brunswick, driving on the roads is not allowed.  

In Montreal, you may not swear in French.  

Also in Montreal, citizens may not relieve themselves or spit on the street. Punishable by a fine of over 100 Canadian dollars.  

In Beaconsfield, it is considered an offense to have more than two colors of paint on your house.  

In Toronto, you can't drag a dead horse down Yonge St. on a Sunday.  

The city of Guelph is classified as a no-pee zone.  

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That's What They All Say

MALAYSIA - During their election campaigns, competing candidates for government positions like to make promises to voters in return for their support. But voters need to be cautious, as some nominees like to make promises they can't keep.

Such is the case in the current campaign for governmental seats in Malaysia, as candidates have been promising potential voters a place in heaven in exchange for their backing. The chairman of the Election Commission, a nominally independent body appointed by the government, said that making such an assurance to potential voters was "illogical and could be disadvantageous to the other candidate(s)".

And just imagine the uproar when voters don't get what they're promised...

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No Golf Handicap Here

VENICE, Fla. - The possibility of hitting a hole in one during a game of golf are 12,600 to 1. This ratio was calculated under the assumption that the golfing individual was using two hands to swing the club.

So what would be the odds that someone could accomplish such a task with only one hand? Even further, what if they did it three times in one year?

Though the odds seem nearly impossible, that is exactly what 68-year-old Bill Hilsheimer has done. After losing most of his right hand 59 years ago when he was run over by a train, the avid golfer only uses his left arm to swing the club. Still, the upbeat senior citizen has accomplished more in one year than most golfers will in a lifetime.

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Happy Ending for a Cruel Sea Tale

SAUSALITO, Calif. - If you've ever seen a sea lion at the zoo or circus, you might have noticed that they can be pretty intelligent animals. Thus, you can understand why the California Highway Patrol was puzzled when they found a 321-pound male sea lion flopping along the side of a road in central California more than 60 miles away from the Pacific Ocean.

Though authorities speculate that the creature could have accidentally swam up the San Joaquin River from the ocean, it doesn't explain the bullet that was found lodged in the animal's head.

Fortunately, surgery was able to remove the bullet and the sea lion was released at the Point Reyes National Seashore.

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If I Bob and Lick You Must Acquit

MIDDLETOWN, Conn. - Here's one you don't hear every day.

A woman charged with manslaughter in a 1999 car crash that killed one person in the vehicle, won her defense by claiming that she couldn't have been behind the wheel because she was performing oral sex on the driver at the time.

The issue was up in the air until the defense attorney pointed out that the victim's pants were down around his ankles when he was thrown from the car and killed. Pretty compelling evidence.

The real surprise of the case came, however, when tests showed that both of them had been drinking before the Mercedes-Benz went off the highway and hit several trees.

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We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the special was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $1.99.  

"Sounds good," my wife said. "But I don't want the eggs."  

"Then I'll have to charge you two dollars and forty-nine cents because you're ordering a la carte," the waitress  warned her.  

"You mean I'd have to pay for not taking the eggs?" my wife asked incredulously. "I'll take the special."  

"How do you want your eggs?"  

"Raw and in the shell," my wife replied. She took the eggs home.

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DDL

There once was a family named Stein
There was Gert, there was Ep, there was Ein.
Gert's poems are bunk
Ep's statues are junk
And no one can understand Ein.

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"'Harry Potter' author J.K. Rowling says she might not stop at 7 books and might make an 8th book about Harry as an adult. When asked why she said, 'There's still money in the world that I don't have yet'."
--Conan O'Brien  

***  

"McDonald's is getting defensive. They are now saying that you can get a great cardio workout at the catsup pump."
--David Letterman  

***  

"It is white."
--George W. Bush, asked by a child in Britain  what the White House was like, July 19, 2001

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Rotten News.... (true)

Fri, Mar 19, 2004
Workers Suing Over Man in See-Through Shorts  

SANTA FE, N.M. (Reuters) - Former employees of Whole Foods Market have sued the natural foods supermarket operator, saying it did not take proper action to prevent a male customer from parading through a Santa Fe store wearing white, see-through biking shorts with no underwear.

Closing arguments in the case were held on Thursday.

Maria Bautista and seven other plaintiffs are suing under New Mexico's Human Rights Act, saying the store fostered an environment of discrimination and sexual harassment that caused them emotional distress. They are seeking an unspecified amount in damages.

They also claim the store ignored their complaints about a middle-aged man in the see-through, body-hugging shorts and fired one of them in retaliation for her complaint. They claim the man was not escorted out of the store even though the employees asked managers to act.

The incident took place at a Santa Fe store about four years ago.

Lawyers for Austin, Texas-based Whole Foods Market Inc. , said one of the plaintiffs was fired for insubordination while the others left for a variety of reasons. The lawyers said the claims are an attempt to reap financial gain and retaliate for the one employee being fired.

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Fri, Mar 19, 2004
Muslim Veil Could Cut Cancer Risk?  

RIYADH (Reuters) - Veiled women are protecting more than their modesty -- they are also less prone to nose and throat cancers because their veils screen out viruses, a Canadian doctor was quoted Friday as saying.

Professor Kamal Malaker said women in Saudi Arabia, many of whom wear a full face-covering veil, suffered a low rate of the Epstein Barr Virus which causes nasopharyngeal cancer.

"The hijab (veil) is a protection against upper respiratory tract infection," the Saudi Gazette quoted Malaker as saying. "In the kingdom, nasopharyngeal throat cancer ailment is very low among women as compared to men."

"It is interesting how a very simple social custom can have a profound effect on a human's life," said Malaker, head of radiation oncology at King Abdul Aziz hospital in the conservative Muslim kingdom.

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Fri, Mar 19, 2004
Nutritionists Give Thumbs Up to Big Mac?  

PARIS (Reuters) - Want to stay fit and healthy? Two top French nutritionists are telling people to go for a Big Mac and keep their fingers off the traditional French quiche.

In an unexpected message to a country priding itself on the superiority of its food, a new food guide praises the McDonald's burger for having a higher and healthier protein-to-fat ratio than France's Quiche Lorraine.

"Strangely enough, the products which are the most demonized are not necessarily the worst," Jean-Michel Cohen and Patrick Serog write in their book "Savoir Manger," in which they analyze 5,000 dishes available in shops and restaurants.

The verdict published this month comes as McDonald's launches a new campaign to add healthier food choices to its menus. It has also said it is eliminating Supersize fries and soft drinks.