Subject: Daily Dose - 040331 - More Groaners

Time to clear some of these out....

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In Washington D.C., helicopters are often used to monitor the traffic conditions. Frequently jammed is the Francis Scott Key bridge, named after the man who wrote the national anthem.

The bridge's traffic problem is notorious; among some, it's known as the Car Strangled Spanner.

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Sometime back during prohibition Bing and Bob developed a powerful thirst for some moonshine. Bing said, "I have a brother who lives up in the Carolina hills who has just finished setting up a little operation. Perhaps he'd let us try out some of his first batch of hooch."

The two buddies hit the road to Carolina and tracked down Bing's brother just as he was drawing off the first bottle of whiskey. "Here, try this and tell me if you think it's aged enough," said the novice moonshiner.

Bob, took a swig, made a sour face, and quickly pronounced, "Crosbie's still's mash is young."

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Did you hear about the new detective show they are going to air on TV? The program will be about a private investigator named Richard Dick.

That's right, it's going to be called: Dick Dick, Private Dick.

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Tina, the Hollywood agent, was so upset by her inability to find work for a singer that she began to sob right in front of her.

Her client tried to console her. "Don't cry for me Agent Tina."

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After a heavy day's digging at the archeological site in Norway, researchers uncovered a priceless statue of the ancient Norse thunder god. He had bulging muscles and imposing stance, and his famous giant hammer. But most important of all, the eyes in his fierce-looking face were made of two giant rubies that glittered with a brilliant red color.

Of course, the two leading archeologists on the dig were both determined that they should be the one to have their name listed on the discovery. Pretty soon, a big argument was underway.

The two provided the others with a great source of amusement for the evening. By the time they finally gave up and called a truce, everyone else was feeling quite refreshed by the entertainment. As the crowd dispersed, one junior digger turned to his friend, and said:

"Well, that was a fight for Thor eyes."

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What was the convenience store clerk's reaction when Satan came in and asked for a lemon lime soda?

He gave the Devil his Dew.

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"So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted.' And I swerved.

And then he rang up a second time and said "You've been promoted again. And I swerved again.

He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree.

And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'

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A noted biologist, who had been studying little green frogs in a swamp, was stumped. The frog population, despite efforts at predator control, was declining at an alarming rate.

A chemist at a nearby college came up with a solution: The frogs, due to a chemical change in the swamp water, simply couldn't stay coupled long enough to reproduce successfully.

The chemist then brewed up a new adhesive to assist the frogs' togetherness, which included one part sodium. It seems the little green frogs needed some monosodium glue to mate.

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King Ozymandias of Assyria was running low on cash after years of war with the Hittites. His last great possession was the Star of the Euphrates, the most valuable diamond in the ancient world. Desperate, he went to Crosus, the pawnbroker, to ask for a loan.

Crosus said, "I'll give you 100,000 dinars for it."

"But I paid a million dinars for it," the King protested.

"Don't you know who I am? I am the King!"

Crosus replied, "When you wish to pawn a Star... it makes no difference who you are!"

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Two young men came upon a great trout brook. They stayed all day enjoying the fishing. At the end of the day, knowing that they would be graduating from college soon, they vowed they would return in 20 years.

Twenty years later, they walked into the woods and before long came upon a brook. One of the men said to the other, 'This is the place!' The other disagreed, but the first man said,' Yes, I recognize the clover growing on the other side.'

To which the other replied, 'Silly, you can't tell a brook by its clover.'