Subject: Daily Dose - 040330 - Indian Scout, Hey Martha, Why buy the cow,
DDL, Rotten News
An old wild west fort is about to be
attacked. The wily old General sends for his trusty Indian Scout.
"You must use all your thirty
years of skill in trying to estimate the sort of army we are up against
here."
The trusty Indian Scout laid down
and put his ear to the ground... "Heap large war party," he says,
"maybe three hundred braves, four chiefs, two on black stallions, two on
white stallions. All have war paint...many many guns. Medicine man also
with them."
"Good grief!" exclaims the
General, "you can tell all of that just by listening to the
ground???"
"No, General," replied the
Indian, "I can see under the gate."
______________________________
Hey Martha... (True)
Fri, January 9, 2004
Woman dislikes carrying coffin photo
of crash victim, as ordered by court
BUTLER, Pa. (AP) - A judge ordered a
woman to carry a photo of the man she killed in a head-on collision, and the
man's parents complied by sending a picture of him in his casket. Now, her
lawyer is crying foul and the family is refusing to provide another picture.
Prosecutors said Jennifer Langston
was drunk and talking on a cellphone in June 2002 when she crossed the centre
line and hit a pickup carrying teacher Glenn Clark and his pregnant wife,
Annette. He died, his wife remains in a coma and their son, born by caesarean
section five months after the crash, is being raised by relatives.
Besides vehicular homicide, Langston
pleaded guilty in September to reckless endangerment and reckless driving. A
judge sentenced her to 30 days in jail, plus house arrest and probation, and
ordered her to carry a picture of Clark for five years. Clark's parents gave
court officials a photo of their son in his coffin.
At a hearing Wednesday, Langston's
lawyer, Michael Sherman, said the "spirit of the agreement" was that
the photo be of Clark when he was alive.
"It was very unreasonable and
cruel that she was given that picture," Sherman said.
District Attorney Tim McCune agreed
to have the family provide a different photo.
But Rosellen Moller, Clark's mother,
was unapologetic and said she had no intention of sending another picture.
"I thought it was cruel and
unusual to kill my son," she told the Herald in Sharon. "We really
didn't have a choice. They wanted me to send a picture of Glenn and I
did."
*********
Mon, January 12, 2004
Label cautioning buyers not to
swallow fish lure among Wacky Warning winners
NOVI, Mich. (AP) - If only fish
could read.
A warning label on a fishing lure
that sports three steel hooks advises the lure is "Harmful if
swallowed." The label took fourth in the seventh annual Wacky Warning
Label Contest. But organizers of the contest, the Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch,
said it highlights the lengths to which manufacturers will go in order to avoid
lawsuits stemming from misuse of consumer products. "Wacky warning labels
are a sign of our lawsuit-plagued times," said Robert Dorigo Jones,
president of M-LAW, a non-profit group working to raise public awareness of how
the explosion in litigation is harming the country.
"It used to be that if someone
spilled coffee in their lap, they simply called themselves clumsy. Today, too
many people are calling themselves an attorney."
The recently announced winning
labels in this year's contest were selected from a list of M-LAW finalists by
listeners of the Dick Purtan show on Detroit-area radio station WOMC-FM.
Taking first prize was a warning
found on a bottle of drain cleaner. The label, submitted by Robert Brocone of
Euclid, Ohio, reads: "If you do not understand, or cannot read, all
directions, cautions and warnings, do not use this product."
That label earned Brocone a $500
prize and a copy of the book, The Death of Common Sense, by Philip Howard,
chairman of the legal reform group, Common Good.
The $250 second prize went to
Alexander Tabarrok of Fairfax, Va., who sent in a label on a snow sled that
advises users: "Beware: sled may develop high speed under certain snow
conditions."
Securing the third-place slot was a
label on a compact-disc storage rack that warns: "Do not use as a
ladder."
That warning earned Bob Skovronek,
of Northville, a $100 prize.
"This 'sue first, ask questions
later' mentality has not only produced wacky warning labels, it has increased
the cost of products and services families use daily," Jones said.
"That's the real problem."
Last year's first prize-winner was a
label on a massage chair that read: "Do not use massage chair without
clothing...and never force any body part into the backrest area while the
rollers are moving."
**********
Mon, January 12, 2004
Man jumps into lions pit, makes like
a bull fighter and is mauled
BUENOS AIRES (AP) - A man was mauled
by a lion after jumping into its pen at the Buenos Aires Zoo and holding out
his jacket as if it were a bull fighter's cape, doctors said Monday.
Lucas Tomas, 22, scaled a wall,
dropped inside the pen began baiting one of the two lions inside. The lion
pounced on the man, knocking him to the ground and biting him repeatedly before
a policeman fired several warning shots that scared the animal off.
Tomas suffered minor injuries to his
hands, arms and face, doctors said, adding they were also treating him for
psychological problems.
Juan Carlos Ramares, the chief medic
at Fernandez Hospital, said Tomas told authorities he had been ordered by
"voices from God" to go in and taunt the lions, according to local
reports.
______________________________
For all those men who say, "Why
buy the cow when you can get the milk for free."
Here's an update for you. Nowadays
80% of women are against marriage. Why?
Because women realize its not worth
buying an entire Pig, just to get a little sausage.
Is she right??
______________________________
DDL
There was a biker as big as a bear
Who ran into a barmaid most fair
He was a real nasty old brute,
Who wouldn't even give her a toot
So she set fire to his balls and his hair
____________________________
"In an interview on MTV, Britney Spears says she still believes in the
sanctity of marriage... she just has a problem with the longevity of marriage."
--Jay Leno
***
"In California, a beer is being
sold called, 'The Governator,' in honor of Arnold Schwarzenegger. Apparently,
if you drink
six of them you start to talk just like Arnold."
--Conan O'Brien
***
"Here's some sad news. Harrison
Ford and Calista Flockheart have broken up. They were engaged and this must be
final because Calista took the engagement ring off her waist."
--David Letterman
______________________________
Rotten News.... (true)
Posted Jan. 07, 2004
Man says he’s addicted to cable;
wants to sue Charter
By Lee Reinsch
Cable TV made a West Bend man
addicted to TV, caused his wife to be overweight and his kids to be lazy, he
says.
And he’s threatening to sue the
cable company.
Timothy Dumouchel of West Bend wants
$5,000 or three computers, and a lifetime supply of free Internet service from
Charter Communications to settle what he says will be a small claims suit.
Dumouchel blames Charter for his TV
addiction, his wife’s 50-pound weight gain and his children’s being “lazy
channel surfers,” according to a Fond du Lac police report.
According to the report, Dumouchel
told Charter employees he plans to sue because his cable connection remained
intact four years after he tried to get it canceled.
The result was that he and his
family got free cable from August of 1999 to Dec. 23, 2003.
“I believe that the reason I smoke
and drink every day and my wife is overweight is because we watched TV every
day for the last four years,” Dumouchel stated in a written complaint against
the company, included in a Fond du Lac police report.
“But the reason I am suing Charter
is they did not let me make a decision as to what was best for myself and my
family and (they have been) keeping cable (coming) into my home for four years
after I asked them to turn it off.”
According to the police report,
Dumouchel called Charter to stop his cable service in August of 1999 and was
taken off the billing but not the cable service.
Charter’s director of government and
public relations for eastern Wisconsin, John Miller, says he doesn’t take the
threat of a lawsuit seriously.
“Even though we consider our
services to be a very powerful entertainment product, I don’t think it’s
reached a medical level yet where it could be proved to be addictive,” Miller
said.
“In our society, any kind of legal
action shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone,” he added.
***********
Thu, January 8, 2004
Only pub in Australian Outback's
hottest town closes
PERTH, Australia (AP) - The only pub in Australia's hottest Outback town has
shut down after its temporary manger quit. The Iron Clad Hotel has been serving
ice-cold beer in Marble Bar, a town of 300 people, for 111 years.
But residents said it hasn't opened
its doors since Sunday night.
Western Australia state's Department
of Gaming, Racing and Liquor said the establishment's operators were on a
European vacation and its temporary manager simply decided he'd had enough.
One restaurant in the town is
serving beer with meals. But the nearest pub is at Port Hedland, a thirsty 200
kilometres to the west.
Marble Bar earned its title as
Australia's hottest spot when in 1923-24 it clocked up 161 consecutive days
with temperatures of at least 37.8 degrees C.
Last week, the mercury hit 45 C.
This week, it hovered at around 40 C, said Lyn Towes, who records temperatures
for the Australian Bureau of Meteorology.
************
Divers Probed for Giving Fish
Champagne
Thu Jan 8,12:39 PM ET
WARSAW (Reuters) - Three Polish
divers faced a police investigation Thursday for possible illegal fishing and
animal abuse after a news photo showed them plying a freshly caught pike with
champagne at an outdoor New Year's party.
"They may have committed
offences of poaching and maltreating a fish," said Maria Niedziolka of the
National Fishing Authority, which notified police of the incident.
The picture in Nowa Trybuna daily
showed three frogmen neck-deep in a lake, with one of them tipping a bottle of
cheap Russian bubbly into the fish's open mouth.
One of the divers told news agency
PAP that they had found the pike half-dead and wanted to "restore it to
consciousness by treating it with champagne."
It was not clear whether the fish
survived. Police said it would not be needed as evidence in the investigation
