Subject: Daily Dose - 040308 - mystery adventure game, BIZARRE NEWS, parcel, name the boat, DDL, Rotten News

A customer comes into a computer store.“I’m looking for a mystery adventure game with lots of graphics. You know, something really challenging.”

After a while the clerk replied, “have you tried Windows 2000?”

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BIZARRE NEWS....

Bizarre T-Shirt Sayings

** (around a picture of dandelions) I Fought the Lawn and the Lawn Won

** My Wife Is A Travel Agent For Guilt Trips

** I Just Do What The Voices Inside My Head Tell Me To Do

** (Worn by a pregnant woman) A Man Did This To Me, Oprah

** Senior Citizen: Just Give Me My Discount

** Princess, Having Had Sufficient Experience With Princes, Seeks Frog

** I Used To Be Schizophrenic, But We're OK Now

** I Didn't Climb to the Top of the Food Chain to Be a Vegetarian

** Liberal Arts Major...Will Think For Money

** IRS -- Be Audit You Can Be

** Gravity...It's Not Just a Good Idea. It's the Law.

** If You Want Breakfast In Bed, Sleep In the Kitchen

***

Becoming One With Nature

Bill Martin, a Quaker in Hudson, Fla., has a dream of a family friendly, Christian-themed nudist community in a Tampa suburb. He wants a place not unlike the paradise described in the book of Genesis, before Adam and Eve ate illegal fruits, acquired shame and fashioned fig leaf clothes, the Orlando Sentinel reports.

"The Bible very clearly states that when Adam and Eve were in right with God, they were naked. When people are in right with God, they do not have to fear nudity," says David Blood, executive director of the project.

Martin wants to call the "naturist" park Natura, where there would be an open church, a giant water park and nude volleyball.

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Did You Want Fries With That, You Moron?

TROY, Mich. - Detroit-area police are looking for a man who's broadcasting rude remarks to Burger King customers at the drive-through window.

Police in Troy told the Detroit News Thursday the man has interrupted business transactions three times, most recently Tuesday, with obscene comments to startled customers. When the 41-year-old manager went outside to apologize to customers and look for the source of the salty talk, a voice boomed out of the outdoor speaker: "There's nothing you or the police can do about this, so get your fat ass back inside and take your goons with you," according to Troy Police Lt. Gerry Scherlinck.

Police suspect the calls are being made by a radio transmitter or walkie-talkie somewhere near the restaurant.

***

Taking the Fall

A woman detained by security guards for a burglary escaped via a 10th-floor window of a Times Square building in New York City and survived.

New York City police have not disclosed the name of the 19-year-old woman, who sneaked into the offices of an apparel company that sells hip-hop clothing endorsed by rappers Jay-Z and Ermine, according to Nesi Apparel's Jackie Brennan.

"She was looking through people's clothing. I guess she was trying to steal people's wallets," Brennan said.

The woman escaped through a window, fell or jumped from the ledge down eight stories onto a second-floor scaffolding, the New York Post reports.

Listed in critical condition at Bellevue Hospital, the woman has two broken legs, a broken arm and a broken hand.

***

Man, I Feel Like Becoming a Woman

MELBOURNE - Australian triple-killer and self-proclaimed woman-hater Paul Denyer wants a sex-change operation so he can live behind bars as a female.

"There's no counting what's between his ears," one source told the Melbourne Herald-Sun. "For a man who hated women, he's certainly adamant."

Denyer, serving a 30-year minimum sentence for the murder of three young women, has filed a Freedom of Information application for details on government policy on sex changes for inmates. The request comes on the heels of a failed bid to wear makeup in Barwon Prison. Prison officials are flummoxed by Denyer's desire to become a woman.

When asked by detectives why he killed the three women in 1993, Denyer explained, "Just hate 'em."

Psychologist Ronald Conway said the consequences of a sex change are massive. "I defy any psychiatrist to sanction this. It is gambling a great deal," he said. "How he would use a sex change in the prison environment, God only knows."

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I was scheduled to fly from North Carolina to Germany, where my husband was stationed in the military.  As I checked in at the airport, the ticket agent asked me some standard security questions. "Has anyone given you any packages that you didn't pack yourself?" he asked.

I told him that my mother-in-law had given me a parcel to take to her son.

He looked at me very carefully and asked: "Does she like you?"

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My friend wanted a boat more than anything. His wife kept refusing, but he bought one anyway. "I'll tell you what," he told her. "In the spirit of compromise, why don't you name the boat?"

Being a good sport, she accepted. When her husband went to the dock for his maiden voyage, this is the name he saw painted on the side: "For Sale."

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DDL

All over the bed we did roam
I swear from my mouth I did foam
I was just fit to pop
When we both had to stop..
As a voice said "Hey honey, I'm home!!"

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"Former California governor Gray Davis has made a guest appearance on the CBS sitcom, 'Yes, Dear'.  Must be nerve-wracking for him.  Knowing that at any minute if he messes up he can replaced by an actor... again."
--Jay Leno

***  

"Keiko, the killer whale from 'Free Willy', passed away recently, and the aquarium where he used to live announced they are going to hold a memorial service.  In lieu of flowers, people are asked to bring wasabi and soy sauce."
--Conan O'Brien

***  

"I saw a sign that said, 'Coming Soon - a 24-Hour Restaurant'. And I thought, Well, that's unusual. Why would they open and close it so quickly? At least try it for a week or two, and see if you can build a clientele."
--George Carlin

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Rotten News...  (true)

Fri, Feb 13, 2004
PETA Has Beef With Town of Slaughterville   

SLAUGHTERVILLE, Okla. - Residents of this central Oklahoma community have a beef over an animal rights group's attempt to raise awareness of animal abuse.

Slaughterville administrator Marsha Blair received a letter from People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, or PETA, urging the town to change its name from Slaughterville to Veggieville.

"I am writing on behalf of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, our 800,000 members and supporters, and other compassionate Americans to ask Slaughterville to change its name — which conjures up images of the violent and bloody deaths of terrified chickens, pigs and cows — to Veggieville, a friendly name honoring a heart-healthy and compassionate alternative to animal corpses," the letter said.

PETA, based in Norfolk, Va., promises to donate $20,000 in veggie burgers to a school district nearest to the town, said Bruce Friedrich, director of PETA's vegan campaigns. A vegan is someone who abstains from consuming animal products.

The town was named after a grocery store run by James Slaughter in the early 20th century.

Friedrich, who once lived in the town of 3,600, said Thursday he knows the origins of the name.

"People find our requests amusing, and they chuckle," he said. "But when they're laughing, they have the opportunity to consider the animal abuse it brings up."

For Blair and other residents, the Slaughter family's lingering reputation makes the town's name a sacred cow.

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Ala. School Gets Cleaner in Milk Cartons   
Thu Feb 12, 8:12 PM ET

MOBILE, Ala. - Cleaning fluid was accidentally packaged in cartons of fat-free milk sent to an elementary school, but a teacher noticed the odd taste and no students were hurt.

"I'm glad it wasn't chocolate milk," Principal Barbara Freeman said. "We don't usually get a lot of takers on the fat-free milk."

The half-pint cartons contained a disinfectant used in milk plants. One ingredient is hydrogen peroxide, which can cause nausea if ingested.

Three students and a teacher at E.R. Dickson Elementary School picked up the cartons with their lunch Wednesday. All of the bad cartons were recovered after the teacher told cafeteria workers, Freeman said.

Dairy Fresh Milk Corp. used the cleaner the night before packaging the milk that was sent to the school, the Mobile County Health Department said.

The cleaning fluid is supposed to be drained properly before the milk cartons are filled, said Sue Tidmore, quality assurance manager at Dairy Fresh.

Corrective measures have been taken to ensure the mistake will not happen again, Tidmore said Thursday.

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Wedding ring row triggers brawl  
Thu Feb 12, 4:45 AM ET 

ADDIS ABABA (Reuters) - An Ethiopian bride and groom have spent their wedding night in a police cell after his suggestion that they pawn their rings to pay for taxis triggered a brawl among outraged relatives, police say.

The groom suggested to his bride that since he was short of money they should sell their wedding rings to cover the cost of taking guests to and from the wedding service in Gondar region.

The bride became furious at the suggestion and called off the ceremony. Police intervened after the situation deteriorated into a melee and took both bride and groom into custody.

Police said the groom complained he was short of money because he had paid around $150 (80 pounds) as a dowry, a large amount by Ethiopian standards. The bride was released from jail the next day, but the groom was kept in detention for few days for his own protection, police added.