Subject: Daily Dose - 040210 - Airfare to Denver, BIZARRE NEWS, We're
Texans, DDL, Rotten News
I couldn't decide whether to go to
Salt Lake City or Denver for vacation, so I called the airlines to get prices.
"Airfare to Denver is $300," said a cheery salesperson.
"And what about Salt Lake
City?"
"We have a really great rate to
Salt Lake--$99.00, but there is a stopover."
"Where?" I asked.
"Denver."
___________________________
BIZARRE NEWS....
Bizarre Sports Quotes
"I dunno. I never smoked any Astroturf."
-Tug McGraw, asked whether he preferred grass or Astroturf
"I told [GM] Roland Hemond to
go out and get me a big name pitcher. He said, 'Dave Wehrmeister's got 11
letters. Is that a big enough name for you ?'"
-Eddie Eichorn, White Sox owner
"Raise the urinals."
-Darrel Chaney on how management could keep the Braves on their toes
"He treats us like men. He lets
us wear earrings."
-Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins, 1991
"I want to rush for 1,000 or
1,500 yards, whichever comes first."
-New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers
"Left hand, right hand, it
doesn't matter. I'm amphibious."
-Charles Shackleford of the NCSU basketball team
"Are you any relation to your
brother Marv?"
-Basketball player Leon Wood to announcer Steve Albert
"I can't really remember the
names of the clubs that we went to."
-Shaquille O'Neal on whether he had visited the Parthenon during his visit to
Greece
"He (Julio Cesar Chavez) speaks
English, Spanish, and he's bilingual, too."
-Don King, boxing
promoter.
***
An Impractical Joke
NEW ORLEANS - A man thought it would
be funny to pretend to commit suicide while on the phone with a friend.
Police, however, were not laughing.
William Singletary, 21, was arrested after a woman called 911 to report she was
speaking to Singletary, who claimed he was having relationship problems, when
she heard a gunshot. She told the cops she was not able to contact him after
that.
Officers rushed to the home only to
find Singletary alive and well. Singletary told them that the fake suicide was
meant to be a joke and he refused to tell deputies where the gun was hidden.
The pistol was finally located in a
barbeque pit at his home. Sheriff spokesman Hartman said the joke endangered
the lives of the deputies who hurried to the home and the drivers who had to
make way for them.
***
Giving Her the Finger
HONG KONG - A chronic gambler was
able to save his marriage by lopping off his index finger with a kitchen knife,
a news report said on Tuesday.
The 40-year-old's wife wanted to
divorce him because he managed to lose all his money during a weekend of
gambling. Although he made promises to stop gambling, she refused to believe
him. In an act of desperation, he took out a kitchen knife and sliced off his
right index finger in front of her to prove his determination.
The woman, from Zhanjiang, western
Guangdong province, was "deeply moved" by his act and decided to stay
with him, the newspaper said.
***
It's Just My Hear-oin Aid
BERLIN - A 33-year-old man went to
the police station to see if he was on their wanted list and probably would
have left scot-free if he hadn't been hiding a small amount of heroin in his
ear.
He was charged by police with drugs
possession.
"I suppose he may have heard he
was wanted for some offence and just wanted to see if the police had anything
on him," Volker Pieper, a spokesman for police in the central city of
Kassel, said on Tuesday. "It didn't go quite as he had planned."
As the man spoke to police, an
officer noticed a suspicious lump in his ear which turned out to be a gram of
heroin. Police took the drug from the man before filing charges.
***
Impersonation Intervention
CLARKSTOWN, New York - If you are
going to impersonate a police officer, it might not be a good idea to pull over
an off-duty state trooper.
Shalom Gelbman, 22, was charged with
reckless endangerment and criminal impersonation after he stopped a state
trooper during his pretend cop act. With a strobe light on his dashboard and
his high beams flashing, Gelbman pulled over a car on the Palisades Interstate
Parkway.
Driving the vehicle was state
Trooper Seamus Lyons, who arrested him after noticing Gelbman's license plate
number and the equipment in his car. Gelbman was also given a ticket for
driving without registration or insurance.
He was later released on $5,000 bail
after being arraigned in Clarkstown Justice Court.
_____________________________
A family had moved to Seattle from
Texas, and each of them missed their old home. That December, when they went to
pick up their first-grade son from school, his teacher told them about a
conversation she overheard.
One boy said, "We're Catholic,
and we are going to Christmas Mass."
"Were Jewish," said
another child. "And we're going to have a Hanukkah celebration.
"Madison chimed in, "We're
Texans, and were going to have a barbecue."
___________________________
DDL
A fellow baned William John Lew,
Got more hairy each year as he grew.
Unable one day
To shave it away,
He sighed, "Call me Winnie-the-Pooh!"
____________________________
"Alexander Hamilton started the
U.S. Treasury with nothing - and that was the closest our country has ever been
to being even."
--Will Rogers
***
"Trial by jury is the palladium
of our liberties. I do not know what a palladium is, but I am sure it is a good
thing!"
--Mark Twain
***
"No one appreciates the value
of constructive criticism more thoroughly than the one who's giving it."
--Hal Chadwick
____________________________
Rotten News... (true)
Race Driver's License Confiscated
for Speeding
NICE, France (Reuters) - Colombian
Formula One driver Juan Pablo Montoya has had his driving license confiscated
for speeding, French police said on Monday.
The Williams driver was caught
driving at 204 kph in his BMW on a motorway between Le Muy and Frejus, on the
French Riviera.
Chased by motorcycle policemen, he
had his license confiscated on the spot.
Montoya, who lives in Monte Carlo,
faces a heavy fine as speeds are limited to 130 kph on French motorways.
The incident will not affect his
world championship campaign since a regular driving license is not required to
drive a Formula One car.
*********
Wife Held on Using Perfume to Harm
Spouse
Sun May 11, 2:47 AM ET
STUART, Fla. - A woman was arrested
for dousing herself with perfume, spraying the house with bug killer and
disinfectant, and burning scented candles in an attempt to seriously injure her
chemically sensitive husband, prosecutors said.
Police charged Lynda Taylor, 36,
with aggravated battery Thursday.
David Taylor, 46, is disabled due to
allergies that resulted from exposure to toxic mold and hazardous chemicals as
a construction worker, his doctors say. That exposure netted him $150,000 in a
recent workers compensation settlement.
The fragrant incident occurred on
April 4 during a conversation the couple were about separating after three
years of marriage. Taylor told investigators that his wife became enraged when
he refused to give her half of his settlement.
"Lynda came in the kitchen
wearing perfume and applied some to (her daughter). Then went around the house
spraying Lysol and even sprayed some in my face," David Taylor wrote in
his complaint.
Taylor's physician provided
investigators with a letter confirming that he suffers from extreme chemical
sensitivity, "including all fragrances, air fresheners and other volatile
chemicals," and that his wife is aware of it.
Lynda Taylor's attorney Karen Steger
said the charge is a misuse of the criminal justice system.
"The guy's a faker," she
said. "He just wants to gain an advantage in the divorce case."
David Taylor's lawyer, Cynthia
Grooms Marvin, said she could not talk about the case.
*********
Men prefer football to sex
LONDON (Reuters) - Men, it seems,
prefer football to sex.
New research into prescribing trends
for anti-impotence drugs such as Viagra, published on Monday, found the only
significant drop in demand in recent years occurred during the World Cup last
summer.
"The data suggest that when it
comes to a major sporting event, men turn their attention away from their own
performance and towards that of their favourite football team," said Amy
Ridler, a healthcare analyst at Isis Research.
While the number of new and amended
prescriptions written in Britain for erectile dysfunction drugs has doubled to
more than 27,000 a month since March 2000, during last year's World Cup it fell
back to 13,000.