Subject: Daily Dose - 040209 - Nativity Scene, THIS is TRUE, New Definitions, DDL, Rotten news

Driving through a small Southern town I saw a "Nativity Scene" that showed great skill and talent had gone into creating it. One small feature bothered me. The three wise men were wearing firemen's helmets.

Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation, I decided to stop at a "Quick Stop" on the edge of town. I asked the lady behind the counter about the helmets.

She responded in annoyance, "You Yankees never do read the Bible!" I assured her that I did, but simply recall anything about firemen in the Bible.

She jerked her Bible from behind the counter and ruffled through some pages, and finally jabbed her finger at a passage. Sticking it in my face she said "See, it says right here, 'The three wise man came from afar.'

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THIS is TRUE...

MISNAMED ENTITY: The Peoria Justice Court has been leasing space in a strip mall in Peoria, Ariz., for 14 years. When its lease came up for renewal, the building's owner told the court that it had another tenant who wanted the space and was willing to sign a five-year lease. The court only wanted to sign a two-year lease. No dice, said the owner. Trump card, replied the county: it forced the owner to accept the court's less-favorable renewal terms, citing "eminent domain". The move was backed by the Pinal County Superior Court, but the owner is appealing to the state Court of Appeals. (Arizona Republic)
..."nor shall private property be taken for public use, without just compensation." --U.S. Bill of Rights.

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I PROMISE: A study by Northern Kentucky University finds teen sex abstinence pledges don't work. Their survey of 600 teens who took such a pledge found that 61 percent had broken them within the first year -- and half of the rest we found to have redefined what "sex" means to get around their pledge, arguing "they can maintain their pledge and still have oral sex," said NKU researcher Angela Lipsitz. (Lexington Herald- Leader)
...And thus Bill Clinton learns his true legacy.

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YOU BE THE JUDGE: After being passed over for a promotion, George Pavlovsky, 44, showed up at his city job in Moncton, N.B., Canada, upset, drunk, carrying a sawed-off shotgun and a handgun, and demanding to see two managers. The managers were in meetings, so Pavlovsky searched the building for them, sending employees scurrying for cover; several are still out on stress leave. There were no shootings, but Pavlovsky was arrested, convicted of weapons charges, and sentenced to two years in prison. But when Povlovsky was fired from his job, the Canadian Union of Public Employees Local 51 filed a grievance over the dismissal. "Certainly it is shocking," a union spokeswoman says, but "there are mitigating factors and extenuating circumstances." (Toronto Globe and Mail)
...Translation: he paid his dues and thus is automatically "right" and management is taking unfair advantage of him in his time of trouble.

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ENERGIZER BUNNIES: "Lila", 71, of Massachusetts says her medical problem is nothing to laugh about: Persistent Sexual Arousal Syndrome, which causes her to have as many as 200 orgasms per day, starting two years ago after surgery. "If you gave me the choice of this or never having another orgasm as long as I live," she says, "I'll take never having another one as long as I live." Meanwhile, Winston-Salem, N.C., pain specialist Dr. Stuart Meloy is looking for volunteers to test a new device he accidentally discovered. While implanting a patient with electrodes to ease pain, he put a wire in the wrong spot and the patient, who was awake, had an instant orgasm. He has U.S. Food and Drug Administration approval to test a device, dubbed the "Orgasmatron" by the press, to help women with sexual dysfunction. There's just one problem: "I thought people would be beating my door down to be part of the trial," he says, but so far only one woman has signed up. He needs a minimum of 10. (Boston Globe, AFP)
...Maybe if he offers to snuggle a little...?

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GRAND PRIZE: "Winner Dies in Russian 'Vodka Marathon,' Five Runners-up Hospitalised"
-- AFP headline

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New Definitions To Learn

TRAFFIC LIGHT -- apparatus that automatically turns red when your car approaches.

DIVORCE -- postgraduate in School of Love.

PIONEER -- early American who was lucky enough to find his way out of the woods.

PEOPLE -- some make things happen, some watch things happen, and the majority has no idea what's happened.

SWIMMING POOL -- a mob of people with water in it.

SELF-CONTROL -- the ability to eat only one peanut.

SALESMAN -- man with ability to convince wife she'd look fat in mink.

CANNIBAL -- person who likes to see other people stewed.

EGOCENTRIC -- a person who believes he is everything you know you are.

FOREIGN FILM -- any movie shown in Texas theater that isn't a western.

OPTIMIST -- girl who regards a bulge as a curve.

MAGAZINE -- bunch of printed pages that tell you what's coming in the next issue.

COLLEGE: The four-year period when parents are permitted access to the telephone.

EMERGENCY NUMBERS: Police station, fire department and places that deliver.

OPERA: When a guy gets stabbed in the back and instead of bleeding he sings.

BUFFET: A French word that means "Get up and get it yourself."

BABY-SITTER: A teen-ager who must behave like an adult so that the adults who are out can behave like teen-agers.

TATTOO: Permanent proof of temporary insanity.

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DDL

There was a young longhorn named Lew,
Whose card read, "Have doodle.  Will do."
But the best he could doodle,
Looked like a wet noodle,
In a shoot-out with my sister Sue.

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"New York City's Mandarin Oriental hotel claims to have the most expensive room in the city:  $12,995 a night.  They say it features a two-person shower.  For that much money, it should include the second person."
--Jay Leno

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"Trista and Ryan got married last week and it was watched by 17 million Americans on ABC.  Some people say the wedding couple isn't too bright because they actually hired a guy to videotape it."
--Conan O'Brien

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"Now, I don't want to get off on a rant here, but guilt is simply God's way of letting you know that you're having too good a time."
--Dennis Miller

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Man Brings Ashes to Prove Wife Is Dead
Fri May 16, 8:58 AM ET

LONDON - Newly widowed John Walker could not believe it when bailiffs wrote to demand that his wife pay a series of parking fines.

He wrote back to tell them his 44-year-old wife Zitta had died in January of breast cancer and had sold her car, a Peugeot 405, for scrap more than two years before. But the threatening letters kept coming.

When a demand for 90 pounds (US$144) arrived, Walker, 40, of Thorpe Willoughby near Selby in northeast England, responded dramatically. Carrying the urn containing his wife's ashes and her death certificate, he marched into the offices of York Council and laid them on the desk of a startled official.

"I had already rung them and sent a letter with a copy of her death certificate which they said they didn't receive and the bailiffs still said they were coming to take items of property from the house," Walker said. "That's when I flipped my lid so I took the casket down to show them."

When the official saw the casket, said Walker, he became "very apologetic."

"He said that ... he did not think the ashes were essential. I did because I just couldn't stand it any more."

Walker said his wife had written to authorities when she got rid of the car, but the form had failed to arrive and she remained the registered owner.

A York Council spokesman insisted that officials had dealt with the matter "absolutely by the book."

"No documentary evidence has ever been provided to say there was a change of ownership," said the spokesman, speaking on condition of anonymity. "Mr. Walker then informed us over the telephone that Mrs. Walker had since died and as soon as he was able to provide us with documentation we canceled the action."

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13/05/2003 09:38  - (SA)   

Meet Saddam Sars

Hong Kong - A couple in China have named their baby son Saddam Sars to mark the two important events taking place at the time of his birth, a news report said on Tuesday.

The boy was born on March 20, the day the Iraq war broke out and at a time when alarm over the Sars outbreak was spreading across China.

His parents, from Hubei, have named the boy Saddam Deng Sars, the South China Morning Post reported. Deng is the parent's family name. - Sapa-DPA

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Tuesday, 13 May, 2003, 14:51 GMT 15:51 UK 

'High-rise' housing for South Africa

Houses made from cannabis are far stronger and cheaper than conventional buildings, says South African innovator Andre du Plessis. He sees this as the solution to the housing problem in South Africa, where millions of people live in shanty towns.

Since he started advocating the "dope houses", some South Africans have been joking that if one caught fire, people would run towards the burning building, rather than away.

But Mr du Plessis told the BBC Network Africa programme that if one of the houses did catch fire, it would not give off any "class C or D noxious fumes". So he says people would have no reason to steal lumps out of the houses to smoke.

The fibre from the cannabis plant, which used to be used to make ropes, would be mixed with lime and sand.

"It looks like cement - a brownish, greyish hue," he said, adding that it would not smell of cannabis.

Although Mr du Plessis says the cannabis cement is six times stronger and six times cheaper than normal cement, the South African Government is not interested in his idea. He says he has 30 or 40 letters from different government departments saying "Thanks, but no thanks".

"It's quite frustrating when you're suggesting something that can only aid South Africa. I'm not doing this for any personal gain."

He also argues that building houses from cannabis cement would create lots of jobs for South Africans growing the marijuana. Three tons of cannabis mixed with lime and sand would be needed for each house. Mr du Plessis says they would cost about 15,000 rand ($2,000) for an 82 square metre dwelling.

And where did he get the idea?

"I was unemployed and I was busy looking at the greater problems of South Africa, in particular land and housing," he says. He has built a model dome about 50cm high. "As yet, I haven't managed to source enough cannabis to build a full-scale prototype," he said.