Subject: Daily Dose - 040127 - screwing our goat, Hey Martha, airline check-in, DDL, Rotten News

A door-to-door salesmen knocks on a neighborhood door. A little boy answers the door and the salesman says, " Hi little fellow, is your mother home ?"

"Yes said the lad, she's out in the backyard screwing our goat."

" No," says the salesman, " I don't belive you."

The boy says, " Come see for yourself."

So the salesman takes a look in the backyard, and sure enough, there was the mom bent over with a large goat screwing her from behind.

The salesman said to the boy, "isn't your mom afraid she'll get pregnant?"

The boy says, " N-a-a-a-a-a-"

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Hey Martha....  (true)

Tue, December 30, 2003

'We're old, we're cranky' ruled out as state slogan

PITTSBURGH (AP) - Of the 20,000 or so sayings submitted for consideration as Pennsylvania's official tourism slogan, some were easily eliminated, like "Pennsylvania: We're old. We're cranky. Deal with it."

But 18 entries are still in the running to be picked as one of the five finalists by the Pennsylvania Tourism Office in early 2004. After that happens, the public can vote for the winner on the tourism office's website, www.visitpa.com.

Some slogans still in the running are: "Pennsylvania: We're expecting you," "Pennsylvania: The cure for the common vacation," and "Pennsylvania: Oh what a state you'll be in."

Gov. Ed Rendell announced the slogan effort shortly after taking office. Among the thousands of initial entries were some deemed not suitable, such as "Pennsylvania: Gateway to New Jersey

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Fri, December 12, 2003
Judge orders man blinded for acid attack

By KHALID TANVEER - Associated Press

MULTAN, Pakistan (AP) -- A judge has ruled that a Pakistani man convicted of attacking his 17-year-old fiancee with acid be blinded with acid himself, police said Friday.

Mohammed Sajid, 19, poured acid on the face of his fiancee Rabia Bibi on June 24 in Bahawalpur, a city in the eastern Pakistani province of Punjab. His two brothers were also convicted of taking part.

The woman lost both eyes and her face was burned in the attack, which police said followed a minor dispute between the couple.

Judge Afzal Sharif ruled Thursday at a court in Bahawalpur that Sajid and his brothers were guilty of the attack and be jailed for seven years, and that Sajid be blinded by acid, said Rana Riaz, a local police official.

The judge ordered that a doctor perform the punishment publicly at a sports stadium.

"This is an Islamic way of doing justice," the judge wrote in his verdict.

Police said the defendant was likely to appeal his conviction and the sentence.

Violence against women, including acid attacks, are common in Pakistan, particularly in rural and deeply conservative tribal regions.

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Not even fruitcakes are welcome as carry-on baggage: security official

MONTREAL (CP) - Holiday travellers are being advised to forget the fruitcake as carry-on luggage if they want to avoid delays when boarding planes over the holiday season.

The head of the Canadian Air Transport Security Authority said Tuesday about 500,000 prohibited items have been intercepted at Canada's 89 airports during the past six months.

Jacques Duchesneau said the public still isn't aware of what is allowed on board.

He said a lot of scissors and Swiss Army knives are still being confiscated along with toy guns, ice skates and flammable liquids in aerosol cans.

Duchesneau noted even fruitcakes will be X-rayed because they're dense and could hide a weapon.

"I guess you would be wondering why we have something against fruitcakes," he told a news conference, holding one aloft. "Well, not really. When seen through an X-ray machine it might represent something we might need to check. It's very dense. We don't take any chances."

Bottled liquids, such as homemade wine, will also be rejected.

Duchesneau said the only bottles allowed on planes are those with alcohol that have a government seal.

He added he was surprised when a passenger became upset when told he couldn't bring a parachute on board.

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A porter loaded down with suitcases followed the couple to the airline check-in counter.

As they approached the line, the husband glanced at the pile of luggage and said to the wife, "Why didn't you bring the piano, too?"

"Are you trying to be funny?" she replied.

"No, I really wish you had" he sighed. "I left the tickets on it."

___________________________

DDL

There was a young fellow named Meek,
Who invented a lingual technique.
It drove women frantic
And made them romantic,
And wore all the hair off his cheek.

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"After Mama gave birth to 12 of us kids, we put her up on a pedestal. It was mostly to keep Daddy away from her."
--Dolly Parton

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Alcohol abuse is not a good thing, don't take your beer bottle and chuck across the room. At least wait till it's empty.

___________________________

'Every once in a while, I think about going on a diet. Then I remember all the people who must have passed up the dessert cart on the Titanic..."

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Rotten News...  (true)

Fri, Dec 19, 2003
Royal Mail Sticks It to Australia Rugby Fans  

LONDON (Reuters) - Fans of England's World Cup winning rugby team can now lick the Australians again and again with every letter they send Down Under.

Britain's Royal Mail Friday issued a set of commemorative 68 pence stamps that feature scenes of England's nail-biting 20-17 victory over their historic rivals in Sydney on November 22.

"In case you hadn't realized, the 68p stamps are just the right value to send to any friend you might have in Australia," Royal Mail said in a statement, stoking the friendly rivalry between the sides.

Fly-half Jonny Wilkinson's extra time kick clinched the win for England, considered the country's greatest sporting victory since its football team triumphed at the 1966 World Cup.

The loss was also a rare humiliation for Australia, who have made it a tradition to pound England at a number of sports, including rugby and cricket.

The stamps will also be issued in a 28p denomination, the price of a regular first class letter sent within the UK

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19 bug bomb foggers blast a house apart

December 18, 2003

JOHN GIBBINS / Union-Tribune

It seemed like a good idea at the time.

A family living in a house infested with cockroaches and rats set off 19 "bug bomb" foggers in their 470-square-foot City Heights home yesterday, causing an explosion that virtually blew the building apart and sent Christmas decorations into the street, police said.

The family had just left the rental when the house blew about 8:45 a.m. No one was injured, although a pregnant woman who lives next door was taken to the hospital by her husband as a precaution, authorities said.

"We are very lucky someone wasn't killed," said Capt. Steve Salaz of the San Diego Fire-Rescue Department.

Shards of glass and nails from torn walls were strewn about. The back door of the house was blown off its hinges. Gaping holes were left in the ceiling. Insulation was spread throughout like confetti.

Authorities said they believe the Euclid Avenue residence may have to be entirely rebuilt. Damage was estimated in excess of $150,000.

Investigators believe the bug bombs were ignited by a pilot light on a wall heater.

Aurelia Oliveras said she had just left the house and was in the back yard with her husband and 2-year-old daughter when the blast occurred.

"We had so many cockroaches and rats inside. That's why we did it," she said. Oliveras said the family members were walking to their car, parked to the rear of the house, when they heard and felt the blast.

"We ran for cover. Things were flying everywhere."

The incident prompted officials to warn residents to take proper precautions when using the bombs.

All appliances should be shut off, including the pilot light on gas heaters. And one can is more than enough for a 600-square-foot home. Similar warnings are printed on the canisters, but the family is not fluent in English.

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Tuesday, December 23, 2003

KPOI, listeners cry foul

By Lee Cataluna
Advertiser Columnist

The bad thing is that folks who get paid to be funny in national media would even say something so extremely insulting.

The good thing is that, this time, Hawai'i listeners and local station managers immediately and decisively stood up and called the foul.

On Sunday night, syndicated radio show "Loveline," aired locally on KPOI 97.5, contained the following interchange between hosts Dr. Drew Pinsky, a medical doctor, and Adam Carolla, a comic and former host of Comedy Central's "The Man Show":

Dr. Drew: I wonder if Hawai'i has weathermen.
Adam Carolla: I'm sure.
D: Cause it's the same everyday, no matter what.
C: Maybe they don't. Hawaiians are too dumb. They can't figure out barometric pressure. They don't know what that means.
D: They have wind some days.
C: Here's the problem with weather in Hawai'i. There's a bunch of big words.
D: Yeah.
C: And they can't handle big words over there, because they're the world's dumbest people.
D: Well, they can't (sic) handle big words, but they must have three letters.
C: Yeah, they handle big words, but it's got to be the name of a fat chick or some drink. They don't do science. Close your eyes and picture all the great Hawaiian scientists over the years. (Laughs) They're retarded people. They stay on the island. They're in-bred, obviously. They're the dumbest people we have.
D: I have met some smart South Pacific people. Not who lived there.
C: People are smart enough to move. Everyone close your eyes and think of all the amazing contributions the Hawaiian scientific community has made over the years. (Long pause) Uh ... They're stupid people.
D: All right. Let's hear from them. Let's hear what they have to say. It'd be interesting to hear what they have to say.
C: What, the Hawaiians? First off, they don't know how to dial the phone. They can't call. They don't know what they're doing. They have big calves. That's all. They're stupid people. We really should start bringing some of them in 'cause they're strong. They're a strong, sturdy breed.

Whoa.

OK, yeah, it's a show about sex, drugs and assorted weirdness and, yeah, a good deal of talk radio these days is all about the value of shock and insult. But whoa.

Much to their credit, KPOI management, after fielding "a bunch" of angry phone calls from listeners, decided to pull the show immediately and permanently.

"It was pretty bad. I can see why people listening can take offense to it," said Ryan Kawamoto, KPOI program director. "To have something like that is pretty horrible."

So now, Carolla and Dr. Drew can say what they want. Hawai'i just doesn't have to listen. We're smarter than that.