Subject: Daily Dose - 040121 - Computer Prankster, BIZARRE NEWS, window washer, DDL, Rotten News

"Computer Prankster"

For a computer programming class, I sat directly across from someone, and our computers were facing away from each other.

A few minutes into the class, she got up to leave the room. I reached between our computers and switched the inputs for the keyboards. She came back and started typing and immediately got a distressed look on her face.

She called the teacher over and explained that no matter what she typed, nothing would happen. The teacher tried everything. By this time I was hiding behind my monitor and quaking red-faced.

I started to type, "Leave me alone!"

They both jumped back, silenced. "What the . . . " the teacher said. I typed, "I said leave me alone!"

The kid got real upset. "I didn't do anything to it, I swear!"

It was all I could do to keep from laughing out loud. The conversation between them and HAL 2000 went on for an amazing five minutes.

Me: "Don't touch me!"

Her: "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hit your keys that hard."

Me: "Who do you think you are anyway?!" Etc. Finally, I couldn't contain myself any longer and fell out of my chair laughing.

After they had realized what I had done, they both turned beet red. Funny, I never got more than a C- in that class.

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BIZARRE NEWS....

Bizarre English Translations

TOKYO HOTEL: Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such thing is please not to read notis.

BUCHAREST HOTEL: The list is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.

YUGOSLAVIAN HOTEL: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.

JAPANESE HOTEL: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.

SWISS MENU: Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.

HONG KONG TAILOR SHOP: Ladies may have a fit upstairs.

BANGKOK DRY CLEANERS: Drop your trousers here for best results.

CZECH TOURIST AGENCY: Take one of our horse-driven city tours. We guarantee no miscarriages.

SWISS MOUNTAIN INN: Special today - no ice cream.

NORWEGIAN LOUNGE: Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.

BUDAPEST (HUNGARY) ZOO: Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.

JAPANESE HOTEL: Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.

MAJORCAN SHOP: English well talking. Here speeching American.

***

Having a Friend for Dinner Not a Good Idea

KASSEL, Germany - A German man awaiting trial for murdering and eating an acquaintance has conceded cannibalism "will only lead to problems," the London Mirror said Monday.

Prosecutors allege Armin Meiwes, 41, killed then ate computer analyst Bernd-Juergen Brandes, 42, after the pair set up the death-wish meeting over the Internet. Police found Brandes' mutilated and partially eaten remains. Most had been grilled on a barbecue.

Meiwes, who goes on trial next week, denies the murder charge. But prosecutors say the case cannot be considered assisted suicide even though Brandes agreed to be killed.

Meiwes said he is writing his memoirs from prison, adding: "I don't recommend that people follow my example. It's not a good lifestyle."

***

Looking for Some Tough Love

It's strange enough for a convict to request a tougher sentence. However, one Danish judge received requests from two men for extended prison time, and both ventured to Denmark to get into trouble.

When a visiting Scot was given ten days in jail for entering the country illegally, he asked the judge for two months behind bars to help him fight his alcoholism. A 65-year-old Swedish man also requested a jail term to last at least over Christmas on the same grounds.

The Swede, described as having 'zero personal hygiene,' has been legally banned from traveling to Denmark, but has visited there at least 100 times since the prohibition. He was sentenced to 40 days for illegal entry, and once released and sent to Malmo, he returned on the first boat to Denmark.

Neither man was given a longer sentence.

***

The Exception to the Rule

In New York City, some are calling a 15-year veteran of the city's Department of Corrections "the king of sick leave."

Forty-nine-year-old officer George Duncan was fired for abusing the sick-leave policy after taking 744 days off in 15 years, an average of one sick day a week, the New York Post reports.

"This is one of the more egregious cases in recent years," says DOC spokesman Tom Antennen. "Thankfully, this is the exception, not the rule."

Duncan called in sick when he said he had high blood pressure, but health officials didn't get elevated readings. He explained medication eased his hypertension just before the health officials tested his blood pressure.

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All Naughty and No Nice

NORWAY - A visit to see Santa at a shopping center ended in disaster for 13-year-old Joakim Osland.

A fjoesnisse, a type of elf that normally lives in barns and wears a red cap associated with Christmas and Santa Claus, became incredibly angry when Joakim tried to pet his hen. Osland and two friends went to see the fjoesnisse, who was standing with a wagon containing a pig and a hen. A curious Joakim wanted to pet the hen that he thought looked incredibly soft. When he tried to touch her, she hopped away, provoking the 'elf' to go berserk.

"He came up behind me and shouted at me. I didn't think elves did that kind of thing," Osland said. "He grabbed me, first with one hand, then the other, so that he was strangling me. He said I should respect animals. The elf scared me a bit."

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There was a gentleman in the hospital bed next to me. He was covered with bandages from head to toe. I said to him, "What do you do for a living?"

He said, "I'm a former window washer."

I asked, "When did you give it up?"

He replied, "Halfway down."

____________________________

DDL

There once was a pirate from Gates
Who tried to mambo on skates
He fell on his cutlass
And now he is nutless
And probably worthless on dates

____________________________

The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house.
-Jeff Foxworthy

Men look at women the way men look at cars. Everyone looks at Ferraris. Now and then we like a pickup truck, and we all buy station wagons.
-Tim Allen

You make the beds, you do the dishes, and six months later you have to start all over again.
-Joan Rivers

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Rotten News....  (true)

Wed, Dec 17, 2003

Tariq Aziz Stops Calling Son Saddam   

CAIRO, Egypt - Former Iraqi Deputy Prime Minister Tariq Aziz has started calling his youngest son — named Saddam after Iraq's ousted leader — by the name Zuhair instead, according to letters obtained by the London-based Arabic daily Asharq Al-Awsat.

"My regards to everybody, how is your mother? And your youngest brother Zuhair?" Aziz said in a July letter to his two daughters, Zeinab and Maysaa. He also referred to the son as Zuhair in an October letter, the paper said in its Wednesday editions, which reproduced several of Aziz's letters.

The widely read Arabic daily said it got the letters from Aziz's older son, Zayad, 37. Zayad told the paper his brother is a student at the University of Jordan. While the paper's headline was that Aziz "changed" his son's name, Zayad still referred to his brother as Saddam.

Tariq Aziz, who once served as the public face of Saddam Hussein's regime, was one of the former officials called in to identify the ousted Iraqi president after his arrest on Saturday, U.S. officials said.

Aziz started sending letters to his family — scattered between Amman and Baghdad after he surrendered to coalition forces on April 24, Zayad told Asharq Al-Awsat.

In his letters, Aziz asked his family to sent him heavy clothing, bread, dates, milk, slippers, Marlboro cigarettes, underwear, newspapers and magazines.

Seven letters were delivered to Aziz's family by the International Red Cross, but no letters have arrived since the Red Cross left Baghdad in October following a deadly suicide attack on its headquarters, Zayad told the newspaper.

"My father is ... an ailing man. He is an extraordinary politician. We are not allowed to communicate with or visit him," the paper quoted Zayad as saying.

Asked if an attorney had been appointed to defend his father in case of a trial, Zayad said an Iraqi lawyer, Shawkat Shabeb, had volunteered and a French lawyer also may become involved in the case.

"Those who came to rule Iraq, came for revenge from the former regime. ... His (Aziz's) enemies will not be fair if they were the ones to try him," Zayad told the newspaper.

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Bank Robber Loses 'Stupidity' Appeal   
Wed Dec 17, 5:08 PM ET

ALAMOGORDO, N.M. - A bank robber has lost his bid to overturn his conviction by arguing the stupidity of the crime proved he was too drunk to be responsible.

Raymond Hernandez's robbery conviction stemmed from a September 2000 Tularosa bank heist.

Hernandez, 57, argued in his failed appeal that trying to rob the same teller who, moments earlier, had refused to cash his check was stupid enough to show he was inebriated.

Witnesses said they saw Hernandez leaving the area with the money when an anti-robbery dye pack exploded, scattering some of the bills, District Attorney Scot Key said. A total of $2,717 was taken.

Hernandez cited the fact that state District Judge James Counts, who had presided over the robbery trial, did not instruct jurors that drunkenness can sometimes be a defense. Counts said Hernandez presented no evidence of drunkenness.

Hernandez also argued on appeal that there was no robbery since he made no threat. To an additional charge of disposing of property, Hernandez argued that money is not property, so he couldn't have been disposing of it.

However, Court of Appeals Judge Cynthia Fry's written opinion said Hernandez provided no evidence that foolish acts necessarily result from drunkenness. She also wrote that state law defines property as anything of value, so money qualifies; and that Hernandez did commit the September 2000 robbery.

The state Supreme Court let the lower court rulings stand; it declined last month to hear the case. Hernandez was sentenced to 41 years in prison in the case, which included time for four forgery counts consolidated with the robbery case.

Assistant Attorney General Arthur Pepin said drunkenness only works as a defense if it can be shown it diminished a defendant's capacity to form intent to commit a crime.

Key put it this way: "He, and you can quote me, gets the dumb crook of the year award."

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Fri, Dec 19, 2003
Tooth Study Won't Prompt Smiles in Appalachia  

ATLANTA (Reuters) - There was nothing for the older folk of Appalachia to smile about in the government's latest study of toothlessness among the elderly, which found the poverty-stricken region leading the nation in tooth-loss.

Kentucky and West Virginia have the highest percentage of older adults missing all their natural teeth according to data collected in 2002 by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

Slightly more than 42 percent of residents 65 and older in Kentucky could make that dubious claim last year. West Virginians were a close second with 41.9 percent of seniors admitting they had shed their natural choppers.

In both states, older adults who were naturally toothless outnumbered those who could say they had lost five or fewer of their natural teeth.

Although the study, released Thursday, did not focus on the root causes of toothlessness in the states, researchers said they suspected a combination of economic, cultural and medical factors were responsible for wide variances in state results.

"We would imagine it probably reflects the impact of health behaviors such as smoking and oral hygiene practices and also socio-economic status in terms of income and education," said Dr. Barbara Gooch, a CDC dental officer and the study's lead author.