Subject: Daily Dose - 040120 - Another collection of Groaners
Be warned... Groaners ahead!
********
One beautiful December evening Huan
Cho and his girlfriend Jung Lee were sitting by the side of the ocean.
It was a romantic full moon, when
Huan Cho said "Hey baby, let's play Weeweechu."
"Oh no, not now, lets look at
the moon" said Jung Lee.
"Oh, c'mon baby, let's you and
I play Weeweechu. I love you and its the perfect time," Huan Cho
begged.
"But I rather just hold your
hand and watch the moon."
"Please Jung Lee, just once
play Weeweechu with me."
Jung Lee looked at Huan Chi and
said, "OK, we'll play Weeweechu."
Huan Cho grabbed his guitar and both
sang..... (scroll down)
Weeweechu a melly Chlistmas,
Weeweechu a melly Chlistmas,
Weeweechu a melly Chlistmas,
and a happy New Year."
__________________________
TRIP TO THE DENTIST
A man went to his dentist because he
feels something wrong in his mouth.
The dentist examines him and says,
"That new upper plate I put in for you six months ago is eroding. What
have you been eating?"
The man replies, "All I can
think of is that about four months ago my wife made some asparagus and put some
stuff on it that was delicious...Hollandaise sauce. I loved it so much I now
put it on everything --- meat, toast, fish, vegetables, everything."
"Well," says the dentist,
"that's probably the problem. Hollandaise sauce is made with lots of lemon
juice, which is highly corrosive. It's eaten away your upper plate. I'll make
you a new plate, and this time use chrome."
"Why chrome?" asks the
patient.
To which the dentist replies,
"It's simple. Everyone knows that there's no plate like chrome for the
Hollandaise!"
________________________
When a toothpaste company got into
trouble because of the amount of fluoride that their product contained, they
decided to hold an open house at their factory to reduce public concern.
Unfortunately, one of the touring groups accidentally became locked in the
refrigerated storeroom, where they all died.
The following day, the local
newspaper headline exclaimed,
"Tooth Company Freeze a
Crowd."
__________________________
Onestone
This is the story of Onestone the
Indian Brave. This was his Indian name given to him because he had only
one testicle.
After years and years of this
torment Onestone cracked and said, "If anyone calls me Onestone again I
will kill them!"
The word got around and nobody
called him that any more.
Then one day a young girl named Blue
Bird forgot and said, "Good morning Onestone." He jumped up, grabbed
her and took her deep into the forest. There he shagged her all day, he shagged
her all night, he shagged her all the next day, until Blue Bird died from
exhaustion.
The word got around that Onestone
meant business.
Years went by until a woman named
Yellow Bird returned to the village after many years away. Yellow Bird
who was Blue Bird's cousin was overjoyed when she saw Onestone and hugged him
and said, "Good to see you Onestone."
Onestone grabbed her and took her
deep into the forest where he shagged her all day, shagged her all night,
shagged her all the next day, shagged her all the next night, but Yellow Bird
wouldn't die! What is the moral of the story?
(You'll love this!!!! )
+ + + + + +
You can't kill two birds with one
stone
___________________________
The three male dogs fall all over
themselves in an effort to be the first one to win over a beautiful poodle. The
males are speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves and hoping for
just a glance from her in return.
Aware of her charms and her obvious
effect on the three would-be suitors, she decides to be kind and tells them,
"The first one who can use the words 'liver' and 'cheese' together in an
imaginative, intelligent sentence can go out with me."
The sturdy, muscular chocolate Lab
speaks up quickly and says, "I love liver and cheese."
"Oh, how childish," said
the poodle. "That shows no imagination or intelligence whatsoever."
She turned to the tall, shiny golden
retriever and said, "How well can you do??
"Um. I HATE liver and
cheese," blurts the golden retriever.
"My, my," said the poodle.
"I guess it's hopeless. That's just as dumb as the Lab's sentence."
She then turns to the last of the
three dogs and says, "How about you, little guy?"
The last of the three, tiny in
stature but big in fame and finesse, is a Chihuahua. He gives her a smile, a
sly wink, turns to the golden retriever and the chocolate Lab and says,
"Liver alone, cheese mine."
___________________________
A married man had only one
complaint: his wife was always nursing sick birds. One February evening, he
came home to find a raven with a splint on its wing sitting in his favorite
chair. On the dining room table, instead of dinner, there was a feverish eagle
pecking at an aspirin. In the kitchen, his wife was comforting a shivering
little wren she found out in the snow.
The furious husband strode over to
where his wife was toweling down the cold little bird. "I can't take it
any more! We've got to get rid of all of these #(@ birds!"
The wife held up her hand and cut
him off in mid-sentence. "Please, Dear, no cuss words in front of the
chilled wren."
___________________________
There was once an Indian chief upon
whose reservation oil was discovered.
In an attempt to wisely spend the
newfound tribal wealth, he decided to send his oldest son off to school. The
son attended one of the best prep schools in the nation. He did well enough
there to earn a scholarship to the Massachusetts Institute of Technology.
After four years of intense study,
the young Indian received a degree in electrical engineering and returned home
to the reservation.
The proud chief arranged a tribal
festival in honor of his son, the college graduate. The entire tribe celebrated
for several days.
Near the end of the festivities, the
son turned to his father and said, "I really do appreciate all you have
done for me. I'd like to do something in return. Father, what can I do?"
The chief thought for a time, then
said, "I have always wanted heat and an electric light in my outdoor
toilet."
"I can do that with no trouble
at all," said the grateful son.
The next day he went to town where
he bought 10 miles of wire, some switches, plugs, sockets and the other things
he needed.
As soon as he returned, he installed
an electric light in the outdoor toilet, thus becoming forever famous as: The
first Indian to wire a head for a reservation!
___________________________
One day Count Dracula is walking
down the street when suddenly 10 tons of smoked salmon sandwiches, sausage
rolls, chicken wings, chipolatas, tomato salad, pizza slices and crisps fall on
him from a great height and crush him to the ground.
"Oh no!" he gasps with his
dying breath, "It's Buffet the Vampire Slayer!"
___________________________
I wish I had a small truck so I
could take advantage of a contract hauling opportunity I saw mentioned the
other day. Seems a water-garden company wants a load of frogs delivered, but
they have to be delivered in a special bog-like container that will fit in a
pickup truck's bed. They'll pay in food, which is exactly what the cat likes
best! For each load delivered, the company will provide one enormous home-baked
casserole with a crust of middle-eastern flat bread. Mmmmmm!
That's right: a pita pie per pickup
pack of puddle peepers.
___________________________
Checking the menu, a restaurant
customer ordered a bowl of vegetable soup. After a couple of spoonfuls, he
noticed a little pool of liquid forming under the bowl.
He called the waitress over and
said, "There's broth all over the table. I think the bowl is
cracked."
The waitress said, "You ordered
vegetable soup, didn't you?"
"Yes."
"Maybe it has a leek in
it!"