Subject: Daily Dose - 040119 - serve the turkey, BIZARRE NEWS, Little League, DDL, Rotten News

Grandpa was showing Little Johnny around the farm. When they came to the corral, he explained, "That's a bull and a cow, and he's serving her."

A little later on, he said, "That's a stud and a mare, and he's serving her, too."

That night at supper, after everyone was seated and grace was said, Grandma turned to Grandpa and said, "Will you please serve the turkey?"

Little Johnny jumped up and yelled, "If he does I'm eating a hamburger!"

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BIZARRE NEWS.....

Bizarre Science Test Answers

Following are a sampling of test answers and essays submitted to science and health teachers by junior high, high school and college students around the world.

1. Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.

2. Artificial insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull.

3. The body consists of three parts- the brainium, the borax and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which there are five - a, e, i, o, and u.

4. To prevent contraception: wear a condominium.

5. For drowning: Climb on top of the person and move up and down to make artificial perspiration. 

6. Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative.

7. Genetics explain why you look like your father and if you don't why you should.

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The Vodka is to Die For

MOSCOW - A Russian man died after winning a drinking contest. He consumed several pints of vodka and all five contestants had to receive hospital treatment for alcohol poisoning.

"The competition lasted 30, perhaps 40 minutes and the winner downed three half-liter bottles. He was taken home by taxi but died within 20 minutes," said Roman Popov, a prosecutor pursuing the case in the town of Volgodonsk.

The prize for winning the drinking contest was 10 bottles of vodka, reported the London Telegraph. However, the Itar-Tass news agency says Volgodonsk police are charging competition officials with involuntary manslaughter.

Russians frequently down about a quart of vodka at one sitting, but last year 40,000 Russians died of alcohol related illnesses.

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Talking Trash Has Never Been This Polite

BERLIN - Fed up with garbage-strewn streets, Berlin has devised a solution that it thinks might work - garbage cans that say thank you.

Beginning next spring, the city's trash service will build electronics into some of the street-side trash cans that will let them speak or sing to the public.

"We want to encourage people in a nice, funny way to throw their trash in the baskets and not on the street," said the official, Bernd Mueller.

They will be installed at heavily visited areas such as the Reichstag building. The wastebaskets will be silent after dark, however.

"Some people might feel uncomfortable if these things said something to them at night," Mueller said. Instead, lights around the basket's opening will glow green.

Mueller did not say how much the talking trash cans would cost or exactly how many baskets will be programmed.

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It's All Relative in Japan

TOKYO - Trusting Japanese have been tricked out of huge amounts of money this year thanks to frauds who call and pretend to be relatives needing help.

Victims of the swindle receive calls from fraudsters who say, "Hi, it's me," and act like they desperately need money for anything from a traffic accident to an unexpected pregnancy. Victims are quick to believe that the person on the other end is really a close relative and they usually agree to transfer money to a bank account specified by the scammer.

According to police statistics, there have been 3,807 reported cases of the fraud this year and victims have paid out almost 2.3 billion yen ($21.1 million). A majority of the victims were women over 40.

Police recommend that people check the identity of the person asking for money over the phone.

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Don't Let the Door Hit You on the Way Out

MODESTO, Calif. - A California bank robber apparently forgot the No. 1 safety rule for wearing masks -- there simply have to be eyeholes to be successful.

Bank tellers and detectives alike are still smiling at the image of the thief who walked into the Oak Valley Community Bank in Modesto this week wearing a checkered flannel cloth over his face secured by a hat. Detective Tom Blake said the man cautiously lifted a part of the cloth to see where he was walking, demanded money and began his retreat.

"But he forgets which side the door hinges were on," Blake told the Modesto Bee. "He walks into the steel door frame, bangs his head into the frame and knocks his hat off. He backs up a bit, still holding onto his hood, and shuffles out the door."

The thief did escape, and police are looking for a skinny man with a raspy voice, a checkered cloth, long-sleeved pink shirt, white gardening gloves and a goose-egg on his forehead.

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I was sitting behind an enthusiastic mom at my son's Little League game. Her boy was pitching for the opposing team, and she cheered as he threw wild pitch after wild pitch. The poor kid walked every batter. It was only the first inning, and the score was 14-0. Then one batter finally smacked the ball.

"Oh, no!" the mom wailed. "There goes his no-hitter!"

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DDL

A story related to me
About Willie "No Willy" McGee
Was that Tillie, his wife,
Chopped it up with a knife
And made Willy Con Carne for tea.

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"I have to talk to my girlfriend every day on the phone. My husband says, 'Why do you have to talk to her again today? You just talked to her yesterday. What could you possibly have to tell her?' 'Well, for one thing, I have to tell her you just said that.'"
--Rita Rudner

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"I think that the film Clueless was very deep. I think it was deep in the way that it was very light. I think lightness has to come from a very deep place if it's true lightness."
--Alicia Silverstone, Actress

[And this is why I'm in love with Alicia Silverstone.]

***

When your wife says, "What do you think?" she is not asking for YOUR opinion. She is asking for HER opinion, from your mouth.

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Rotten News....  (true)

Hockey Contest to Give $50,000 for On-Ice Brawling  
Wed Dec 17, 9:48 AM ET
By Roberta Rampton

WINNIPEG, Manitoba (Reuters) - Forget about skating ability, shooting finesse and scoring talent. A new hockey tournament proposes to skip the finer points of the high-speed sport to get straight to what its Canadian promoters say many fans secretly love best: the brawls.

The "Battle of the Hockey Gladiators," planned for a new arena in Grand Forks, North Dakota, for early next September, will pit denizens of the penalty box at center ice, in full hockey gear, for two minutes of pure pummeling.

"Two minutes is an eternity in a hockey fight," said Darryl Wolski, a promoter from Brandon, Manitoba, speaking from experience. "It's mentally and physically so draining after that first minute, just because you have to concentrate on so many things," Wolski said.

Participants will put up a $250 entry fee, with $50,000 in prize money up for grabs.

In Canada, where Saturday night hockey games are the highest-rated draws on television, the idea has attracted both cheers and jeers, the tournament's promoter said.

"People say: Aww, it's the lowest common denominator, a hockey fight," said Darryl Wolski of Brandon, which is just across the Canada-U.S. border from Grand Forks. "Maybe that's what they say publicly -- but there are so many closet people watch on TV (when fights break out) and love it," Wolski said.

A local wrestling promoter put Wolski in touch with pay-per-view broadcasters. He said he hopes to make money by having recordings of the event on store shelves by next Christmas.

"It's sad, but that's the way society is, they just love this kind of thing, and I guess that was kind of our way of capturing this niche market," Wolski said.

Organizers hope to match 64 players by fighting experience, with judges looking for how well the scrappers control the fight and how many punches they land, he said.

"We'll have medical and dental people on hand to fix guys up if they need to be fixed up," Wolski noted.

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A World Drinking Record  
Fri Dec 19, 8:11 AM ET

RIGA, Latvia (Reuters) - Latvian police said a drunk picked up with around twice the blood-alcohol level considered deadly had probably set a world record but would wake with a hangover to match.

The unidentified middle-aged man was unconscious but stable after a blood test showed 7.22 parts per million of alcohol, police spokeswoman Ieva Zvidre said.

An average person would vomit at around 1.2, lose consciousness at 3.0 and stop breathing at a level of about 4.0 parts per million, Zvidre said, adding: "This is one for the Guinness Book of Records."

The hospital's emergency ward head Martins Sics told reporters there was no record of anybody having survived such a dose, even in neighboring Russia which takes pride in its vodka-guzzling traditions.

"He won't remember a thing when he comes to," Sics said

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Thu, Dec 18, 2003
Man could face death for car sticker  

TEHRAN (Reuters) - An Iranian man faces a possible lengthy prison term or even the death penalty for attaching a sticker to the rear window of his car proclaiming "The era of arrogant rulers is over".

"My client faces jail for acting against national security just because of that sticker," attorney Mohammad Ali Dadkhah told Reuters on Thursday.

The charge of acting against national security normally carries a hefty prison sentence and in some cases has led to the death penalty being imposed.

Dadkhah said Ali Akbar Najafi, 27, an unlicensed taxi driver, was arrested in June in southern Tehran. He said his client had thought up the slogan himself, but that it was not specifically aimed at Iran's clerical establishment.

"After being kept blindfolded in solitary confinement for 53 days he now suffers psychological problems," said Dadkhah, who was asked by Nobel Peace Prize laureate Shirin Ebadi, to represent Najafi.

Najafi was released on bail of $25,000 (17,300 pounds) and ordered to appear before a branch of the Revolutionary Court on December 28.

His arrest in June coincided with a rash of pro-democracy protests during which around 4,000 people were arrested. The vast majority of them were released without charge.

When asked on Wednesday whether Saddam Hussein ought to receive the death penalty, Iran's President Mohammad Khatami said: "If anyone is to be executed, the most appropriate person would be Saddam. But it don't want any human being, even a criminal, to be killed if there is an alternative."