Subject: Daily Dose - 040112 - THE GOOD JOBS, THIS is TRUE, nymphomaniac, sore throat, DDL, Rotten News

THE GOOD JOBS

Two Polacks were driving east across the country.  When they got to Texas they saw a sign that read "CLEAN RESTROOMS AHEAD," so when they got to the filling station, they pulled in, got out of their car, and started cleaning the restrooms!

As they traveled further east, they found it difficult to make any progress because there were so many "CLEAN RESTROOMS AHEAD" signs along the way.

When they finally arrived in Alabama, they came across a sign that read "WANTED!!!  Two Mexican males for rape!"

The two Polacks looked at each other and thought, "Damn!  those Mexicans get all the good jobs!"

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THIS is TRUE....

UNEQUAL EQUALITY: After joining the Gay Straight Alliance at her Oakley, Calif., school, high school freshman Lisa McClelland, 15, noted the school had a Black Student Union, a chapter of Latinos Unidos, and an ALOHA Club for Asian Americans. Why not a Caucasian Club, wondered the girl, who is of Scottish, German, American Indian, Latino and Irish descent, so she got more than 300 student signatures on a petition to start one. But "Some people would say words like 'racist' when they see me," she said later, and the NAACP called the club's name "culturally insensitive". She says the proposed club would be open to anyone who wanted to talk about race, or express pride in their European heritage. But she says she was harassed so much for her idea that she transferred to another school. The school she left? Freedom High School. (San Francisco Chronicle)
..."We cannot walk alone. And as we walk, we must make the pledge that we shall march ahead. We cannot turn back."--Martin Luther King Jr (1929-1968), American minister and civil rights leader.

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HEAVY HANDED HEADMASTER: Residents of Richfield, Wisc., have learned why a local school district administrator abruptly resigned this summer: at an eighth-grade graduation ceremony, Kenneth Laudolff, 50, walked up to School Board Clerk Mari Krueger and told her she was showing "too much cleavage." He then allegedly shoved his hand down her shirt to demonstrate the fact, and used a sticker to cover her decolletage. Laudolff said the incident "has been blown completely out of proportion" and that he acted "with humor," but resigned after he was suspended by the School Board. (Milwaukee Journal Sentinel)
...And no, we don't want to hear about the "stacked jury".

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CONSPICUOUS CONCOMITANCE: Bethaney Lawton, 20, was studying to be an Emergency Medical Technician so she could help people in accidents. But the Abington, Mass., woman wasn't wearing her seatbelt when driving home at 1:00 a.m. And she was distracted: "She was on a cell phone, talking to a friend," said police officer Thomas Richmond. "She told her friend, 'I'm about to get into an accident.' The friend heard the crash." Lawton died from her injuries. She hit a building owned by a cell phone company. (AP)
...Never ignore the EMT motto: "Drive with care, or we'll be there."

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LOST AND FOUND: Ernest Luera, 50, was getting into his car near his home in Saginaw, Mich., when he spotted a human leg, wearing a shoe, lying in the grass. "We're treating this as a homicide investigation," said police Detective Sgt. Sean Waterman. "If this person is still alive, then they're looking for their leg." (Saginaw News)
...This is just a suggestion, but maybe Waterman should spend more time watching "C.S.I." and less time watching "South Park".

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DON'T BE KOI: "Belgian Man Saves Fish with Kiss of Life"
-- Reuters headline

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When the man asked his widower father why he'd married a young nymphomaniac whom he could never satisfy instead of a woman his own age, the old man said, "Son, I'd rather have ten percent of a good business than a hundred percent interest in a bankrupt one."

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A man goes to see the doctor because he has a sore throat. The nurse tells him to take all his clothes off and sit on the bench in the hall. The man tries to protest, but the nurse doesn't listen and just repeats the same orders then leaves the area. The man complies with her orders and joins another naked man sitting on the bench.

The man starts complaining to the man already sitting there, that he only has a sore throat and doesn't understand why he has to take all his clothes off.

The man who was already sitting on the bench nude, looks at the other man and says "You think that's bad, I'm just here to pay my bill."

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DDL

An incompetent rapist from Ghent,
Had a phallus all crooked and bent.
He confessed with chagrin,
"True, I fail to get it in,
But it leaves one helluva dent!"

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"Waiters in New York are now threatening to go on strike. Apparently, they have a union of nothing but waiters. Isn't  that the Screen Actors Guild?"
--Jay Leno

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"According to 'USA Today,' a chain of Christian health clubs have opened up in the South. Apparently, the motto is, 'What would Jesus Bench?'"
--Conan O'Brien

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"Lionel Huntz tells Homer: "This is the greatest case of false advertising I've seen since I sued the movie The Never Ending Story."
--The Simpsons

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Rotten News....  (true)

World's oldest genitals found
Wed Sep 17, 2:16 PM ET 

LONDON (Reuters) - Scientists have discovered fossils of the world's oldest genitals -- belonging to 400 million-year-old insects -- in ancient rocks in Scotland.

The penis of the ancient harvestmen insects, commonly known as a daddy-long-legs, was two-thirds the length of the body and remarkably similar to the modern-day species, New Scientist magazine said on Wednesday.

"The discovery of the world's oldest genitals proves that little has changed over the last 400 million years -- at least for daddy-long-legs," the magazine said.

Jason Dunlop and a team of researchers from Humbolt University in Berlin, Germany, who will present their findings at a conference in Aberdeen, also uncovered a long egg-laying organ called an ovipositor from a female.

"As well as genitals, the fossils have the oldest known arachnid respiratory system, suggesting harvestmen's ancestors had long since crawled out of the sea and learned to breathe," the magazine said.

Harvestmen arachnids are sometimes mistaken for spiders but they are more closely related to ticks or mites because they do not spin webs.

The previous oldest penis, which dated back 100 million years and was found in Brazil, belonged to an ostracod, an early crustacean related to crabs, shrimps and water fleas.

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Thu, Sep 18, 2003

Woman Gets $150,000 for Bad Hair Job
Thu Sep 18, 9:09 AM ET

ATHENS, Ga. - It was far worse than just a bad hair day.

A jury awarded $150,000 to a woman who was left mostly bald after a visit to a salon.

Mary Lynn Reddish, 43, went to a Regis Salon in October of 2000 to have a mild hair relaxer applied to her wavy blonde tresses, but after the treatment, clumps of her hair came out in the wash and even more were pulled out when combed.

Reddish said she was left nearly bald as the result of a chemical reaction from the hair-relaxing product and the dye used to bleach her hair blonde.

The damage to Reddish's hair follicles not only caused the temporary hair loss, but also will probably cause her to suffer from premature hair loss as she ages, said her attorney Danny Love.

On Friday, a Clarke County Superior Court jury awarded Reddish $150,000 in compensation for mental anguish, as well as wigs and other expenses she incurred.

"I believe it was a fair verdict," Love said. "The jury did not discount her pain and psychological suffering. They didn't discount this as just a bad haircut — it was much worse than that."

Ed Mangiafico Jr., the attorney who defended Regis Corp. in the lawsuit, declined comment Monday.

Minnesota-based Regis Corp. is the world's largest company in the salon industry, with over 9,000 salons in North America.

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Fri, Oct 10, 2003
Suspected Penis Snatcher Beaten to Death

BANJUL (Reuters) - A 28-year-old man accused of stealing a man's penis through sorcery was beaten to death in the West African country of Gambia on Thursday, police said.

A police spokesman told Reuters that Baba Jallow was killed by about 10 people in the town of Serekunda, nine miles from the capital Banjul.

Reports of penis snatching are not uncommon in West Africa, with purported victims claiming that alleged sorcerers simply touched them to make their genitals shrink or disappear in order to extort cash in the promise of a cure.

The police spokesman said many men in Serekunda were now afraid to shake hands, and he urged people not to believe reports of "vanishing" genitals. Belief in sorcery is widespread in West Africa.

Seven alleged penis snatchers were beaten to death by angry mobs in Ghana in 1997.

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Weird brain food

11sep03

HUNDREDS of Australians may not know their brains are infested with a rare sharp-toothed parasite caught from eating undercooked river fish.

Alfred Hospital doctors said yesterday 19 people have been diagnosed with the rare 1mm-2mm worm, which is found in Thailand and China. Infectious diseases expert Dr Andrew Fuller said: "I see a lot of weird infections, but this is one of the weirdest."

Symptoms of the condition include exhaustion and strong stomach pain.

A 21-day treatment kills the worms