Subject: Daily Dose -040106 - REAGAN VS. BUSH, THIS is TRUE, wear a cast, DDL, Rotten news

REAGAN VS. BUSH

I was boring my parents with political talk while visiting tonight on the subjects of how likeability can protect a President and comparing Ronald Reagan to George W. Bush.

I said, "They can say what they want about Reagan, but I'm convinced he was smarter than Dubya."

My Dad shot back immediately, "He probably still is."

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THIS is TRUE....

AIRLINE SECURITY, PART 977: A passenger on a Southwest Airlines flight from Oakland, Calif., to Chicago, Ill., opened a violin case in flight and pulled out a martial arts weapon. He didn't hurt anyone, but the pilot called ahead to Midway Airport to report the weapon. "Officers were waiting for him at the gate, but the passenger tried to bolt," said a Chicago police spokesman. "He was acting strangely and started resisting," but was arrested. "Didn't the screeners in Oakland ever see any of the movies about Chicago gangsters in the 1930s?" asked airline consultant Michael Boyd. "Wasn't it guns they carried in violin cases?" But Transportation Security Administration officials defended the Oakland screeners. "We know the limitations of passenger screening," a TSA spokesman said, "which is why we've got a multi-layered system in place." (Chicago Tribune, Chicago Sun-Times)
...Translation: every layer in the system failed.

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HEY, WATCH THIS! Two police officers on routine patrol in a New South Wales, Australia, park saw a man on top of a block of toilets set himself on fire, climb onto a bicycle, and then jump the bike toward a pile of mattresses. He missed. The officers rushed over to find the unnamed 39-year-old suffering from burns and broken bones -- and still on fire. They dumped a garbage bin full of water on the man and got him to a hospital, where he is in serious condition. Police noted there were quite a few spectators for the stunt. (Australian AP)
...He's 39 years old and trying to impress people with stupid bicycle tricks? Yeah, that's the very definition of "cool".

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A LEG UP ON THE COMPETITION: An unnamed 27-year-old man in a pickup truck was hit by another driver in Thunder Bay, Ont., Canada. The victim was so upset that he got out and kicked the bumper of the offending vehicle, an SUV, so hard he broke his own leg. Police say both drivers were drunk. Meanwhile, Toni Lynn Lycan, 44, of Vancouver, B.C., Canada, was playing music when her downstairs neighbor, Allen M. Haines, 27, banged on the ceiling to get her to turn it down. Lycan allegedly yelled that if Haines had a problem with her music he should come up and talk about it. But as he climbed the stairs to her apartment Lycan leapt off her bed and slammed down onto the floor, apparently to "bang" back at him. The impact broke both of her legs. (Thunder Bay Chronicle-Journal, Vancouver Columbian)
...When it comes to noise complaints, Lycan just doesn't have a leg to stand on.

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STIFF PUNISHMENT: A 13-year-old boy in Winnersh, England, brought a six-pack of Viagra pills to his all-boys school and shared them with five classmates at lunch. "By the time the afternoon lessons began, there was no hiding what they had done," said a school spokesman. The boy who supplied the drug was suspended for the rest of the term, while the others were given warnings. (Reuters, London Telegraph)
...Gee, in the U.S. they all would have been given a pretty hard time.

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YET ANOTHER STORY THAT CAN'T LIVE UP TO ITS HEADLINE: "Wang Ousts 'Nutcracker' for Next Year"
-- Boston Globe headline

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After I broke my ankle in a fall in our garage, I had to wear a cast from the knee down. Normally my husband and I are cozy sleepers, but the cast posed a problem.

Several sleepless nights later, my husband said to me in desperation, "I don't mind sleeping with the star of the show, but I can't manage the whole cast."

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DDL

An orgasm can be, oh, so fine.
A multiple one quite divine.
But if you should moan,
And it's not on your own,
Then you faked it, you bullshitting swine.

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"I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a Great White or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot."
--Kevin James

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Sign seen in an animal shelter: "All children left unattended will be given a free kitten."

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"According to the 'New York Daily News', bars all across the city are installing breathalyzer vending machines telling people whether they've had too much to drink.  Apparently, if you're drunk the machine warns you not to drive, and if you're really drunk, it warns you not to call your ex-girlfriend."
--Conan O' Brien

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Rotten News...  (true)

Indian reporter wins Bad Sex award
Wed Dec 3, 4:25 PM ET 

LONDON (Reuters) - An Indian investigative journalist has won little-coveted Bad Sex in Fiction Award for a turbo-charged account of a lovers' tryst that likens their amours to a speeding Bugatti.

Aniruddha Bahal, who posed as an arms dealer to expose an Indian military bribery scandal in 2001, flew to London to receive the prize from rock singer Sting before a 500-strong audience on Wednesday.

Now in its 11th year, the dubious honour is awarded by the Literary Review magazine for the most inept description of sexual intercourse in a novel. Bahal beat rival nominees including John Updike, Paul Theroux and Paulo Coelho, thanks to a passage from his novel "Bunker 13".

Bahal's hero says he feels like an "ancient Aryan warlord" after discovering a Swastika shaved into an intimate part of his female companion's anatomy.

As the temperature between the two rises, Bahal shifts gear in a blur of motoring metaphors.

"She picks up a Bugatti's momentum. You want her more at a Volkswagen's steady trot.

"Squeeze the maximum mileage out of your gallon of gas. But she's eating up the road with all cylinders blazing."

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Fri, Nov 28, 2003
Archbishop: Jesus Couldn't Enter Australia

SYDNEY, Australia - Australians call their nation "God's own country," but the outspoken Anglican Archbishop of Sydney said Friday that Jesus and his family probably would not be allowed in now if they tried to apply for asylum.

In a statement released ahead of a Christmas speech in Sydney, Archbishop Peter Jensen harshly criticized the government's policy of turning away asylum seekers caught trying to sneak into the country.

Jensen said he would say in a speech to Christian charity Anglicare that the country is fast losing its compassion for the most vulnerable children in the community.

The story of Christmas focused on the birth of a child to a single mother who is cast out of his homeland as a refugee, Jensen said.

"With the apparent cloud over the paternity of Jesus, it is likely that he would have been a victim in our society," he said in a statement. "Perhaps as refugees, the family of Jesus would have been denied entry into Australia."

Prime Minister John Howard's conservative government has a popular policy of turning away asylum seekers caught trying to sneak into Australia in boats operated by people smugglers.

Jensen has made headlines in the past by saying homosexuality is against the Scripture, and he recently said the worldwide Anglican church could split over the issue of ordaining gay priests.

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Ky. Law Mandates Bathing Once a Year
Mon Nov 24,10:03 PM ET
By JERIANNE STRANGE

ELIZABETHTOWN, Ky. - A state law mandating that people take a bath once a year is just one of many unusual — some bizarre — statutes that are or have been on the books in Kentucky.

"There are a lot of crazy laws out there," said Ruben Gardner, Elizabethtown's chief of police.

Another state law, for example, stated that "No female shall appear in a bathing suit on any highway within this state unless she be escorted by at least two officers or unless she be armed with a club." The law was later amended with: "The provisions of this statute shall not apply to females weighing less than 90 pounds nor exceeding 200 pounds, nor shall it apply to female horses."

Other unusual laws and proposed punishments from across the state include:

- Throwing eggs (or tomatoes) at a public speaker could result in up to one year in prison.

- It is unlawful to dye or color a baby chick, duckling or rabbit and offer it for sale unless six or more are for sale at the same time.

Steve Park, finance director for the city of Elizabethtown, said he's found some interesting laws that were adopted by the city in the late 1800s and that are still on the books.

"There's one that states if a horse dies in front of a house, the horse owner has 12 hours to have it removed. If the owner doesn't, then it becomes the responsibility of the property owner to have it removed," Park said. "I'm sure that at the time it was a necessary law, but I'm not sure how needed it is today."

Another local law concerns a dog tax that was imposed. Park said the handwritten statute, found in very old minutes of city council meetings required a small amount for each dog be collected. "The sheriff is to collect the tax or shoot the dog," according to the minutes.