Daily Dose - 030528 - Mommy who is God, Hey Martha, birth control, DDL, Rotten News
Mommy who is God?
There were four confused 9-year-old little boys, and they were very curious to find out things about God. The first 9-year-old boy asked his mom, "Mommy, is God male or female?
The mom said, "Son, God is both male and female."
The next confused 9-year-old boy asked his mom, "Mommy, is God black or white?
The mom said, "God is both black and white."
Another confused 9-year-old boy asked his mom, "Mommy, is God gay or straight?"
And the mom said, "Son, God is both gay and straight."
The last confused 9-year-old little boy asked his mom, "Mommy, is God Michael Jackson?"
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Hey Martha.... (true)
Fri, February 28, 2003
Spa-style grooming products, kosher cuisine go to the dogs
ATLANTA (AP) - John Paul wants to do for your pooch what he did for your 'do.
Paul, co-founder Paul Mitchell salon products, decided to branch out with a new line of designer hair products - for dogs.
His new line, John Paul Pet, offers a variety of formulas for every pet care need, including a tea tree treatment and an oatmeal conditioning rinse, priced $5.99 to $8.99.
"It's pennies a day to give him the very best," he said. "This is luxury pet care at affordable prices."
Paul's pet project wasn't the only one at the 45th annual American Pet Product Manufacturers Association's trade show to give furry friends the human touch. The show, which ends Friday at Atlanta's Georgia World Congress Center, featured the latest trend of pet versions of human products, with everything from designer cologne to kosher cuisine.
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Tue, December 10, 2002
Forget another woman, Taipei divorce granted over home-wrecking cat
TAIPEI, Taiwan (AP) - Many couples divorce because the wife refuses to share her husband with another woman. For one Taiwanese couple, the home wrecker was a cat. Frequent squabbles over the cat - who frequently wet the bed - made it difficult for the couple to live together, Chen Tsai-wang, a Panchiao District Court judge in suburban Taipei, ruled Monday in granting the couple a divorce.
"The couple has been estranged for a year, and it would be too late to make remedies," Chen said.
The husband had allowed the cat to urinate "on the bed and anywhere at home," according to the woman's brother, identified only by his surname.
"He refused to put the cat in another room. This showed how he had ignored my sister's feelings," the brother said.
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Wed, December 11, 2002
Girl, 4, brings teacher gift of pot
HOLYOKE, Mass. (AP) -- The Department of Social Services is looking into a possible case of child abuse after a 4-year-old girl brought her teacher a small bag of marijuana as a gift.
When Head Start Early Childhood Center teacher Iris Galvez asked where she got the gift Monday, the girl said she got it "from her mommy," according to a police report obtained by the Union-News of Springfield.
The girl's mother, Shelin Colon, 32, said she doesn't have any drugs in the house and doesn't know where the girl might have gotten the marijuana, police said.
No charges have been filed.
A report of suspected child abuse or neglect has been filed with Social Services, a department spokesman said.
Suzanne L. Parker, deputy director of the area Head Start program, declined to comment.
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Three women were talking together, and the subject of birth control came up.
The first women said, "Because of my religion, I can't use birth control."
The second women said, "My husband and I use the rhythm method."
The third women said, "My husband and I use the bucket-and-saucer method."
She was asked how it worked.
She said, "I'm 5'11" and my husband is 5'2". When we have sex, he stands on the bucket. When his eyes get as big as saucers, I kick the bucket out from under him.
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DDL
Said a certain young woman named Amy,
"I am seeking a fellow to tame me,
And teach me the newer
Mad routes to l'amour
For to stay virgin longer, will shame me."
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"A lot of candies get their names from things people exclaim, like, "Bonkers!" or "Nerds!" And I got to thinking...wouldn't
it be funny if they based a line of candy on something my Dad exclaims frequently? I don't know about you, but I'd get a kick out of candy called, 'Where's the Damn Scotch!'"
--Bob Oshack
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Tax Quotes
"There are two distinct classes of men... those who pay taxes, and those who receive and live upon taxes."
- Thomas Paine
"When there is an income tax, the just man will pay more and the unjust less on the same amount of income."
- Plato
"The government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend upon the support of Paul."
- George Bernard Shaw
"There is no art which one government sooner learns from another than that of draining money from the pockets of the people."
- Adam Smith
"Like mothers, taxes are often misunderstood, but seldom forgotten."
- Lord Bramwell
"But in this world nothing is certain but death and taxes."
- Benjamin Franklin
"A taxpayer is someone who works for the federal government, but who doesn’t have to take a civil service examination."
- Ronald Reagan
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Rotten News... (true)
Lawn mower racing the cutting edge of sport
Wed Apr 16, 5:02 AM ET
By Matthew Jones
LONDON (Reuters) - Spring has arrived and with it, the suburban drone of the lawn mower.
But while most people are content merely to cut the grass, a small band of adrenaline junkies are preparing their machines for something far more exciting -- lawn mower racing.
The first race of the season is now less than three weeks away and as sunny weather spreads across the country, hopes are high for a good Summer of racing culminating in the world championships, being held this year in Surrey.
In Britain, the sport is represented by the British Lawn Mower Racing Association (BLMRA), motto "Per Herbam Ad Astra" -- Through Grass to the Stars.
Mark Constanduros of the BLMRA (www.racemower.co.uk) says the sport appeals to people from all walks of life attracted to the smell of engine fumes, the spectacle of daredevil manoeuvres and the honour of crossing the finishing line first.
"We have farmers through to company directors. It is a cheap fun sport for people who love to race," he told Reuters.
Grand Prix racing legend Stirling Moss is a previous winner of the British lawn mowing 12-hour endurance race.
In the United States the sport has thousands of followers with major races attracting television coverage. The United States Lawn Mower Racing Association (USLMRA) -- www.letsmow.com -- was set up on an auspicious date, April Fool's Day in 1992.
The world championship will be held on September 20-21 at Dunsfold, Surrey. Previous championships have attracted international competitors from as far afield as Hong Kong and New Zealand.
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Let's play Whoresville!
Sophie Arie in Rome
Wednesday March 19, 2003
The Guardian
Italians will soon be able to play at being prostitutes in a Monopoly-style board game in which players must dodge police raids, turf wars and serial killers to earn a living.
In Puttanopoly (which roughly translates to Whoresville), eight players become immigrant prostitutes enslaved by the mafia. The game, created by the Committee for Prostitutes' Civil Rights, aims to raise awareness of the growing problem of sex slavery.
Each "prostitute" starts the game penniless with a "slavery contract" forcing them to pay up to 90% of their earnings to their pimps. Rather than buy property in Park Lane, the women jump from Albanian pimps and police stations and hospitals, while trying not to get killed. If the dice roll their way, they land a week's earnings - up to 5,000 euros - in one go, win a trip to work in Amsterdam or are rescued by an enamoured client.
"Everything in the game is true," said its inventor, Daniela Mannu. "The idea is to give people an idea of what prostitutes are up against in this country."
The game, to be sold online for 50 euros (£34), comes as Italy struggles to stop a thriving vice trade, now thought to involve up to 70,000 prostitutes, of whom more than 40,000 are immigrants, mainly from Nigeria, Russia, the Balkans, and Ukraine. The number of prostitutes in Italy, known as lucciole (fireflies), quadrupled between 1991 and 2000, says the independent research centre Eurispes. While immigration laws have become stricter, authorities now offer temporary residence to entice immigrants to stop selling sex and undergo "social rehabilitation".
Prostitution is legal in Italy although brothels were banned in 1958. Women nevertheless tout for trade everywhere from Rome's Via Veneto to country lanes, where girls wait for passing lorry drivers. Soliciting prostitutes is illegal, although about half of Italian men do it, according to Eurispes.
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Wed, April 23, 2003
Topless, thong-clad mermaid says arrest violated her U.S. civil rights
NEW YORK (AP) - A mermaid who was captured after parading topless through Coney Island will get a $10,000-US cheque from New York City.
Amy Gunderson, 31, had sued the city claiming her First Amendment rights were violated when she was arrested for wearing only a thong and body paint at the 2001 Mermaid Parade.
In a deal announced Wednesday by Gunderson's lawyer, Ronald L. Kuby, the city will pay $10,000 to settle.
In her lawsuit, Gunderson, a model, said her rights were violated when she was arrested June 29, 2001, for exposing her chest. The charges were eventually dismissed.
Kuby, a longtime judge at the parade, said Gunderson was within her rights to be topless because her float and costume fell within the definition of entertainment.
The parade, a Coney Island fixture for two decades, has traditionally featured floats with topless women dressed as surf-tossed sea creatures.