Daily Dose - 030527 - If I win this case, Stella Awards, Aren't you afraid of me, DDL, Rotten News

Few centuries ago, a Law teacher came across a student who was willing to learn but was unable to pay the fee. The student struck a deal saying 'I will pay your fee the day I win my first case in the court.'

Teacher agreed and proceeded with the law course. When the course was finished and teacher started pestering the student to pay up the fee, student reminded the deal and pushed days.

Fed up with this, the teacher decided to sue the student in the court of law and both of them decided to argue for themselves.

The teacher put forward his argument saying: "If I win this case, as per the court of law, student has to pay me. And if I lose the case, student will still pay me because he would have won his first case. So either way I will have to get the money."

Equally brilliant student argued back saying: "If I win the case, as per the court of law, I don't have to pay anything to the teacher. And if I lose the case, I don't have to pay him because I haven't won my first case yet. So either way, I am not going to pay the teacher anything!"

This is one of law's greatest paradox.

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True Stella Awards.... (true Law Suits)

LET ME GIVE YOU SOME FEEDBACK ON THAT
by Randy Cassingham

Buyers and sellers using the eBay online auction service depend on the feedback of those who went before them to decide whether or not to do business with other people on the service.

Robert Grace, a Los Angeles attorney -- and the publisher of a legal newspaper -- sold six "Radio TV Digest" magazines from the 1940s and 1950s through eBay to Tim Neeley, a Hollywood memorabilia dealer. Neeley was apparently unhappy with what Grace sent him: in his feedback, he said Grace "should be banned from eBay" and was "dishonest all the way" because the magazines arrived later than promised and in worse condition than he was led to believe.

Grace demanded that eBay remove the negative feedback, but eBay refused. In response, Grace has filed suit demanding $100,000 from Neeley -- and $2.5 million from eBay.

On its web site, eBay warns users that they can be held responsible for libel in feedback. "You are responsible for your own words," it tells users. "You should be careful about making comments that could be libelous or slanderous. You will not be able to retract or edit feedback you left."

It's obviously impossible for an online service to monitor every posting by millions of members. Should it be liable for what someone else says on their service? Should it be required to edit the words of others when someone claims the words are unfair?

The answers to those questions are worth millions to Grace.

In addition to the money, Grace's lawsuit demands various actions by eBay. It wants the court to order the auctioneer to ban words like "fraud", "liar", "cheater", "scam artist" and "con man" from the site's feedback areas. In addition, it wants buyers and sellers to be forced to register their names with the state of California as "fictitious business names", and eBay to collect California state sales tax on sales made on the site.

One wonders if Grace will soon be seeking more court orders to force online groups to ban a lot of other words. Like, say, "whiner", "crybaby", "arrogant", "meddlesome", "vengeful", "spoilsport", "muckraker", "profiteer" -- and "frivolous lawsuit".

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STELLA SHORT

In Florida, it's not unusual for alligators to pop out of the water -- they've even been known to attack humans. But that's not what bothered Darlene Griffin.

The 30-year-old woman was in Okeeheelee Park in West Palm Beach, Fla., when she was "attacked" by a different kind of water creature: a goose.

Griffin says she jumped between her young son and the bird to protect the boy, then fell down and broke her tailbone when the fowl tried to bite her. She has sued Palm Beach County for allowing the wild animal to roam free in a public park. She is asking for at least $15,000 to cover her medical bills, as well as her mental and physical anguish.

Griffin's attorney Joe Fields says that county officials later removed several geese from the park, including the one which attacked his client -- which shows the geese are dangerous, he says. So according to him, the county was wrong to let a wild animal exist in the park, yet removing it proves it's at fault.

In America's civil courts you're damned if you don't, and REALLY damned if you do.

_____________________________

While the soldiers stood at attention during a parade, a private waved to someone in the audience. "Jones, never do that again!" the drill instructor whispered. But a few minutes later, the soldier waved a second time.

Back in the barracks after the parade, the DI stormed in and barked for Jones to come front and center. "Son, you knew I was going to see you," he screamed. "You knew it was wrong. Aren't you afraid of me?"

"Yes, sergeant!" said Jones. "But you don't know my mother!"

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DDL

There was a young lady named Anna
Who wanted a new grand pianna;
But her father said, "No,
I'll give you a po,
And then you can have a pee, Anna."

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"I'm with a group of scientists and we're finding a way to neutralise radiation, believe it or not."
- "Material girl" MADONNA who advocates a greener Earth.

***

"Information Superhighway" is just an anagram for "I'm on a huge whispy rhino fart."
[Ain't it the truth, though?]

***

"There ought to be an FAA requirement that crying babies have to go into the overhead compartment."
--Bobby Slayton

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Rotten news... (true)

Woman Awarded $6,000 for Hair Loss
Fri Apr 11,10:50 AM ET

ST. LOUIS, Mo. (Reuters) - A woman who sued a hair salon because she claimed her hair fell out in clumps after a straightening treatment went awry was awarded $6,000 by a jury on Thursday.

Geremie Hoff, 56, said she quit her University of Missouri teaching job and became reclusive after her hair turned brittle and bald spots formed immediately following her 2001 visit to an Elizabeth Arden Salon.

"It made me forget about going out and seeing people," said Hoff, whose hair has since recovered.

She had sought in excess of $25,000 because the salon had failed to test a strand of her hair before applying the straightening product.

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Nouma apologises for goal celebration
35 minutes ago

ISTANBUL (Reuters) - Besiktas striker Pascal Nouma has apologised for sticking his hand down his shorts after scoring in his side's 2-0 Turkish super league win over Fenerbahce.

Nouma celebrated his eighth minute goal by ripping off his shirt and shoving a hand down the front of his shorts.

The moment was the only false note in a critical Sunday night Istanbul derby and the result means Besiktas maintain their one-point lead over Galatasaray with six matches to go. Fenerbahce are sixth.

The French striker told a news conference on Monday he had been overcome with excitement after a long period without scoring a goal.

"It's very important to score against Fenerbahce, particularly for the team, but no one knows what goes through your head when you score. I shouldn't have done it," he said.

He added: "If it wounded Turkey, then I am sorry."

Turkey's television watchdog said it was examining the footage, being repeated on a number of channels. Some lawyers said the Frenchman could be prosecuted under obscenity laws.

Commentators and players alike joined to express distaste.

*****

Unemployed Man Files for $1.5M Tax Refund
Wed Apr 16, 6:35 AM ET

By TOM HAYS, Associated Press Writer

NEW YORK - An unemployed man masquerading as a millionaire filed an income tax return claiming he was owed a refund of more than $1.5 million, authorities said.

Turns out he almost got it, they said.

Benjamin Harris, 47, of Brooklyn, was arrested and arraigned on charges of filing a false claim last year with the Internal Revenue Service (news - web sites). After pleading innocent, Harris was released on $10,000 bond.

Defense attorney Heidi Cesare told a judge her client had made a career out of working temporary jobs, had no criminal record and had volunteered to meet with IRS investigators on tax deadline day. He soon found himself in handcuffs.

"Ironically, they scheduled (the meeting) for today, of all days," she said Tuesday.

The IRS denied the timing was calculated.

Prosecutors allege a 2001 return filed by Harris included a doctored W-2 form showing he made nearly $9 million that year as an attorney for an employment agency, Temporary Time Capitol Corp. He claimed he paid $3,196,431 in taxes and was owed $1,580,065, court papers said.

Harris allegedly checked a box requesting the refund be directly deposited into his checking account at a Manhattan branch of HSBC, which was done. When he sought to withdraw money from an automatic teller machine, his bank notified him of a hold on an account that normally had an average balance of $2,000.

The defendant faxed the bank a copy of the altered W-2 form "to prove the deposit was legitimate," court papers said. But the bank still refused to release the money.

Instead, the bank alerted the IRS to "the unusually large deposit, which led to a federal investigation," the papers said.

An IRS spokesman, Joseph Foy, credited the bank with being "perceptive enough to freeze the funds and notify us."

The investigation found that Harris, who could face up to five years in prison if convicted, had worked for Temporary Time in 2000, when his reported income was $1,061.

"Why he did that and to what end I have no idea," said Besiktas captain Tayfur Havutcu.