Daily Dose - 030513 - protesters, BIZARRE NEWS, tech support, DDL, Rotten News
To nobody's surprise there were protesters today in DC, they attempted to disrupt the metro system and block the Key Bridge, a leading artery into DC from Northern Virginia. I got hosed twice because I come in from No VA on the metro and it is raining hard which makes traffic worse any way. My commute was long and arduous and only caused further resentment for protesters (but that isn't the point of this thread). Anyway, I'll get to the point.
I got off the train in Rosslyn because I had to use the bathroom and the train was moving quite slowly. When I was getting back on the train, there were protesters on the train platform handing out pamphlets on the evils of America. I politely declined to take one. An elderly woman was behind me getting off the escalator and a young (20ish) female protester offered her a pamphlet, which she politely declined.
The young protester put her hand on the old woman's shoulder as a gesture of friendship and in a very soft voice said, "Ma'am, don't you care about the children of Iraq?"
The old woman looked up at her and said, "Honey, my first husband died in France during World War II so you could have the right to stand here and bad mouth your country. And if you touch me again, I'll stick this umbrella up your ass and open it."
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BIZARRE NEWS....
Bizarre Money FACTS
If you stack one million US$1 bills, it would be 110m (361 ft) high and weight exactly 1 ton.
TIP is the acronym for "To Insure Promptness."
Of the more than $50 billion worth of diet products sold every year, almost $20 billion are spent on imitation fats and sugar substitutes.
Money notes are not made from paper, it is made mostly from a special blend of cotton and linen.
The first credit card was issued by American Express in 1951.
The average age of Forbes's 400 wealthiest individuals is 63.
In 1955 the richest woman in the world was Mrs. Hetty Green Wilks, who left an estate of $95 million in a will that was found in a tin box with four pieces of soap.
80% of millionaires drive second-hand cars.
If California was a country, it would be the 5th largest economy in the world.
A third of the world's people live on less than $2 a day, with 1.2 billion people living on less than $1 a day.
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Birth By Burrito
CHICAGO, IL. - Some expecting moms and dads choose to attend Lamaze classes to help during the process of childbirth.
It seems that Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich and wife Patti found a method that some classes might want to consider teaching as a way to speed along the delivery: Mexican Food.
Already ten days overdue, the couple went out for dinner Friday night and at 5 a.m. Saturday became the proud parents of a baby girl. Six years ago, the Blagojevichs had eaten at a Mexican restaurant just before their first daughter was born. This time, though, the couple had to leave the restaurant before they finished eating.
The parents decided to name their daughter Anne, as opposed to possible alternatives like "Bean" or "Pepper".
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The Mother of All Student Discounts
GERMISTON, S. Africa - College students have their own ways of dealing with the stresses that accompany hours of studying and late-night cramming. Some will head out for a cigarette break or take a nap, or watch some television to take their mind off class material.
Others, specifically in South Africa, will head on over to the local brothel for a quick fling with a prostitute.
The local City Press witnessed a large group of students flocking to a local hotel, with books in hand, as early as 1 p.m. Sympathizing with students' lack of funds, many prostitutes are cutting their prices by almost 75 percent for students.
The generosity of these women is allowing male test-takers to free more than just their minds before exams.
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Deputy Bert is the Best Hump on the Force
SAN DIMAS, Calif. - If you thought that Bill and Ted were the weirdest things to come out of San Dimas, California, think again. During a festival in the city located 30 miles east of downtown Los Angeles, Bert The Camel was sworn-in as an official Los Angeles County Sheriff's deputy.
The 1,700 pound, six-year-old camel got his sheriff's ID card and is now a member of the Sheriff's Posse.
Bert's job is not to fight crime, but to visit area schools as part of a presentation on California history. He joins other members of the sheriff's four-footed force that includes dogs and horses as well.
Finally a camel that doesn't cause cancer will have an influence on the youngsters.
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Say It With Pride, "I'm An Old Bastard!"
EDMONTON, Alberta, Canada - As are the one million others of his kind, Leo McGrath is proud to be an Old Bastard.
The 67-year-old man from Edmonton is a member of the International Order of Old Bastards, a social club comprised of men between the ages of 50 and 84.
More than just a group of old farts that sit around guzzling beer and swapping old war stories, the non-profit organization has helped out the needy by raising more than $60,000 for registered charities in the past four years. What started as a small group in Australia back in 1945, when the phrase "old bastard" was used as a term of endearment, has spread across the world, surpassing one million members and more than 4,300 chapters.
So, the next time someone calls you an old bastard, take it as a compliment. Or just kick them in the junk.
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Women De-Bra For Breast-Stroking Fraud
INDIA - Scams always tend to work out great until you get caught. An Indian man found this out the hard way after he was arrested for fraudulent spiritual therapy.
Kuchamardhana Swamy, alias Gottimukkala Babu Rao, ran a so-called blessing ritual that would aid childless women in getting pregnant by massaging their breasts.
Hundreds of women had been visiting him two days per week to have their bosoms rubbed by the man who claimed he had the blessings of Hindu god Lord Shiva to 'treat' the women.
Ironically enough, the former teacher turned into a swami when his wife left him because the couple could not have children.
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I got my new computers from Dell a week ago. While I think I'm above average in the computer smarts department, there were couple of things that needed some serious tweaking as far as network settings.
So I had to call tech support. What a mistake that was. Not so much that the fella I got ahold of didn't know what he was talking about. I guess he did. It was me that didn't understand half of what he was saying.
I said, "Sir, how about this. Why not explain what I should do as if I were a small child."
He said, "Ok. Son, could you please put your mommy on the phone?"
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DDL
There once was a cad named Lars,
who promised his sweety the stars,
and while she heavenwards swooned,
the heavens Lars mooned,
in the backseat of his convertable car.
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"The trick is to stop thinking of it as 'your' money."
-An unidentified Tax Auditor
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"[The Internal Revenue Code is] about 10 times the size of the Bible - and unlike the Bible, contains no good news."
--Sen. Don Nickles
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"I like to pay taxes. With them I buy civilization."
-- Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr.
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"[The tax code] is a monstrosity and there's only one thing to do with it. Scrap it, kill it, drive a stake through its heart, bury it and hope it never rises again to terrorize the American people."
--Steve Forbes
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Rotten News... (true)
Quebec man suing Loto-Quebec for not winning
Friday, April 18, 2003
SHERBROOKE, Que. (CP) -- A Quebec man is suing Loto-Quebec, saying it fooled him and that the provincial lottery only sells losing tickets.
The man, who is on welfare, spent $840 last March on a variety of tickets that didn't win. He is now suing Loto-Quebec for $879.58.
He wants his money back and he wants Loto-Quebec to pick up expenses of $5.75 for a registered letter he sent them. He also wants $28.85 and $7 for gas and parking for the cost of a trip he made to their Montreal offices.
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McCartney's "flu germs" for sale on Internet
Tue Apr 15,10:39 PM ET
LONDON (Reuters) - Fans of former-Beatle Sir Paul McCartney have been invited to bid for a tiny piece of musical history -- germs from a bout of flu that caused him to cancel a recent gig.
After two days on the ebay.co.uk website, the germs have received two bids, the highest for 1.2 pounds and come from fan Ian Mears who claims he caught the bug from McCartney when he met him earlier this month.
"I believe this is the same strain of flu, and effectively his virus," Londoner Mears told the Daily Star on Wednesday. "I had no cold on the Saturday, then on Sunday I spent most of the afternoon with Paul and by Tuesday I too had a cold."
Successful bidders will receive their germs by post. "The highest bidder will receive a resealable bag that I will cough into," he said. "Or if preferred, they can have a plastic container full of mucus."
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Teacher Lands Dream Job Teaching Solitary Pupil
LONDON (Reuters) - With many British teachers complaining of overcrowded classrooms and lack of resources, one teacher begins her dream job on Tuesday.
Jane Puckey will have just one pupil -- a six-year-old girl -- when she takes up her new post at the primary school on Papa Stour, one of the Shetland islands off the northeast coast of Scotland, with a population of just 24.
The school has been closed for the last nine months after its former teachers, a couple, retired and the only other pupil moved on to secondary school.
"It has everything a teacher a could want," 59-year-old Puckey told the Independent newspaper, including a secretary, three computers, a television and an art room as well as a school house with three bedrooms.
"The ability to provide individual one-to-one attention all day, every day, is a major benefit for the child and satisfying for me as teacher," she said, adding that more children reaching school age might be joining soon.