Daily Dose - 030507 - Two nuns, BIZARRE NEWS, software design meeting, DDL, Rotten News
Two nuns were riding their bicycles through Paris when the lead nun turned down a narrow side street.
The other nun said to the lead nun, "Sister, I don't believe I've ever come this way."
To which the lead nun replied, "It's the cobblestones dear."
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BIZARRE NEWS....
Bizarre Product FACTS
A single share of Coca-Cola stock, purchased in 1919, when the company went public, would have been worth $92,500 in 1997.
Actor Arnold Schwarzenegger bought the first Hummer manufactured for civilian use in 1992. The vehicle weighed in at 6,300 lbs and was 7 feet wide.
Americans consume 42 tons of aspirin per day.
Bayer was advertising cough medicine containing heroin in 1898.
Bullet proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and laser printers were all invented by women.
Cocaine was sold to cure sore throat, neuralgia, nervousness, headache, colds and sleeplessness in the 1880s.
For two years, during the 1970s, Mattel marketed a doll called "Growing Up Skipper." Her breasts grew when her arm was turned.
IBM's motto is 'Think.'
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You're Going to Poke Somebody's Eye Out With Those
NEW YORK - You've had your breasts enhanced and now you have that Jayne Mansfield look. But something's still missing. Your nipples just don't have that perk.
Enter one of the fastest growing cosmetic surgeries in the United States... nipple enlargement.
New York-based nipple surgeon Bruce Nadler performs the procedure on half a dozen people a year and says most do it because they want the "teasing look" of an erect nipple all the time.
Still others - mostly men - are nipple fetishists who want their nipples to be the biggest, most desirable nipples possible.
The "super-sizing" is done with injections of collagen or cartilage taken from the patient's ear. Dr. Nadler says another popular procedure is nipple reduction surgery, which is done mostly by women who are self conscious about looking nippy in cold weather.
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Proof That Moose Can't Fly
NORWAY - After an accident that causes severe damage to your car, the next step is to inform your insurance agency of the incident.
However, the situation was a little harder for a couple who had their vehicle wrecked when a moose fell on the roof of their Mazda.
Leo Henriksen and his wife were enjoying a leisurely Sunday drive when a 770-pound moose fell off a cliff and landed on the couple's tiny red vehicle. Adding insult to injury, on top of losing their car, the couple had just lost their home in a fire in mid-January.
Odds are that the two won't be flipping channels to catch an episode of Rocky and Bullwinkle any time soon.
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What The Hell Are They Serving?
CONNECTICUT - In order to attract customers, some restaurants and other public establishments come up with catchy names for their places of business. However, local Hartford officials told Bob Potter to change the name of his mexican restaurant from C.O. Jones to something else.
For those who don't speak Spanish, this name looks just like any other normal name. However, if you do speak the language, you're checking out the restaurant named "Testicles".
Mr. Potter thought it was a clever play on words. Local officials didn't. He has since changed the name to the Mexican Restaurant, a little less offensive.
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Calls From Beyond the Grave
AUBURN, Mass. - There are some things that people will take with them to their graves. However, it's highly unlikely that one of those things will be a person's phone bill.
A local cemetary received a phone bill last week for David Towles at his current address: Hillside Cemetary, Evergreen Section, Auburn, Mass. Plot 01501.
It seems that companies will hassle you about bills even after you're dead.
The cemetary's superintendent Wayne Bloomquist was surprised to see the Sprint bill for 12 cents, including 10 cents for a call placed on February 16th, five years after Towles died.
Bloomquist sums up the incident perfectly: "Our clients here don't usually get mail."
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Just Let It Go
NAIROBI - Sometimes, you just have to step back and say, "Hey, it's gone."
This would have been helpful advice for three Kenyans who lost their lives trying to retrieve a mobile phone that slipped down an open-pit latrine while the owner was answering her own call from nature.
For some reason, the owner still wanted her phone back, so she offered 1,000 shillings ($13.09) to anyone who would recover it for her. Seeing as how well over half the Kenyan population of 30 million people lives on less than $1 a day, three men were more than happy to accept the offer.
Unfortunately, it took three men's lives before police held others back from attempting the rescue.
If the phone didn't get crappy reception before, it does now.
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In a software design meeting, we were using typical technical jargon to discuss a data exchange interface with a vendor. One co-worker said the programming we had ordered was delayedbecause the vendor was suffering from a "severe non-linear waterfowl issue."
Curious, the team leader raised his eyebrows and asked, "What exactly is that?"
The programmer replied, "They don't have all their ducks in a row."
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DDL
There once was a young man named Aaron,
At whom the ladies were starin'.
He was tall, dark and tan,
Quite the ladies man,
Then he woke up.
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The longest dump ever verified was produced by an American, who produced a 'staggering turd' over a period of 2 hr 12 minutes which was officially measured at 12 ft 2in. The offender is banned from 134 washrooms in his state.
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"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."
--Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina
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"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."
--Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman
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Rotten News... (true)
Man gives milk to snake - on flight
March 09, 2003
A PASSENGER was offloaded after he tried to feed milk to his pet snake on a flight in southern India, a report said.
Hajmi Chanda of Delhi had boarded the flight from the western tourist state of Goa, with his pet animal in his hand baggage.
Scared passengers raised an alarm and called the crew when Chanda tried to feed milk to the snake, the Press Trust of India news agency reported.
Chanda told the crew that the redsand boa he bought from Goa for 1,000 rupees ($33) was non-poisonous.
Ignoring his protests, the crew offloaded the passenger along with the snake when the flight touched down next.
Chanda was taken into custody and would be produced before the court, an official said.
The snake was handed over to forest officials, he said.
Agence France-Presse
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Boobies for Ashcroft!
by Will Doherty Friday March 14, 2003 at 11:21 PM
wild@willdoherty.org
Forty or so "Boobies for Ashcroft" marched from Van Ness Ave. to the Federal Building as employees left the building for the day around 5:00pm.
The crowd bared their breasts as they chanted "Boobs Not Bombs" or "More Boobs in Public, Less Boobs in Office" and carried signs condemning U.S. Attorney General John Ashcroft's policies including the war against drugs and against sexuality, noting particularly his decision to cover a barebreasted Lady Justice statue with curtains during news conferences at the U.S.
Department of Justice building in Washington, DC. Following the march, the group entered a local pub and fraternized with federal employees while discussing the issues of the day.
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TV contestant loses his prizes, crashes his car and gets arrested Feb 26 2003
By Hugo Duncan Daily Post Staff
A TELEVISION contestant from North Wales smashed his car into a bus after gambling away prizes worth thousands of pounds -
and was then arrested on suspicion of drink-driving.
Billy King, of Conwy, was a guest on Ant and Dec's Saturday Night Takeaway where he won five mystery prizes - including a
trip to Hawaii and a car.
But in a bid to take all 20 prizes on offer he gambled his winnings - and lost.
Instead of walking away with holidays in Hawaii and Spain, two cars, £2,000 cash, a computer, television and hi-fi, the
unemployed 40-year-old left empty-handed.
Mr King was so upset staff at the show took him backstage to console him. Soon afterwards, he crashed his Ford Sierra into
a London bus outside ITV's studio.
He was arrested on suspicion of drink driving and bailed without charge. No one was hurt in the accident which left Mr
King's car and the bus damaged.
Programme spokeswoman Debbie Wilson said: "Billy was so upset at losing the prizes we thought we had better look after him. We offered him a hotel and a car, which we wouldn't normally do, but the next thing we knew he got in his own car and crashed. He is kicking himself at the moment and just wants to put the whole thing behind him."
Millions of viewers watched Mr King lose his winnings by saying actress Nicole Kidman was born in Australia. She was born
in Hawaii.
Every contestant in the current series has gambled but Mr King was the only the second person to lose.