Daily Dose - 030504 - Indian headdress, THIS is TRUE, home to get my jacket, huge sofa, DDL, Rotten News
Barbara Walters was doing a documentary on the customs of American Indians. While touring a reservation during the documentary, she was puzzled as to why the difference in the number of feathers in the headdresses.
So she asked a brave why he had only one feather in his headdress and his reply was, "Only have one woman -- one woman, one feather."
Feeling the first fellow was only joking, she asked another brave. This brave had two feathers in his headdress, and he replied, "Me have two women -- two women, two feathers."
Still not convinced the feathers indicated the number of sexual partners involved, she decided to interview the Chief. Now the Chief had a headdress full of feathers which, needless to say, amused Ms. Walters.
She asked the Chief, "Why do you have so many feathers in your headdress?"
The Chief proudly pounded his chest and said: "Me Chief, me sleep with 'em all. "Big, small, fat and tall - me sleep with 'em all!"
Horrified, Ms. Walters stated, "You ought to be hung."
The Chief said: "You damn right, me hung, big like buffalo, long like snake."
Ms. Walters cried, "You don't have to be so hostile."
The Chief replied: "Hoss-style, dog-style, wolf-style, any style, me sleep with 'em all."
With tears in her eyes, Ms. Walters cried, "Oh, dear."
The Chief said: "No deer. Ass too high, run too fast."
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THIS is TRUE....
SIREN CALL: Stephen Wimpenney, 39, of Nashua, N.H., had collapsed and was in an ambulance when he woke up, became agitated, d started to get up despite the efforts of the emergency medical technician tending to him. "Stop, he's going to run!" EMT Chris Gamache told his partner. Before the ambulance got stopped, Wimpenney jumped out, darted across the highway -- and was struck by a passing car. (Nashua Telegraph)
...See? We told you you needed to go to the hospital.
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OH BUOY: Adrian Cross, 50, an accomplished yachtsman, decided to sail around the world. After setting out from Britain's Isle of Wight he sailed for 130 days, but couldn't even get out of the English Channel. "We've been like a cork in a washing machine," Cross said, complaining about the weather. "I probably could have walked the 500 miles to France by now." He has given up on the voyage and is returning home. (London Times)
...But don't hold dinner -- he may be late.
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NEXT TIME JUST TATTOO "SHUT UP!" ON THE BACK OF HIS HAND: Trouble hasn't abated for Richard Goddard Jr., 21. Last year, Goddard sued a radio station that didn't pay him after he took them up on a joke offer to give $150,000 to anyone who tattooed the station's logo on their forehead [This is True, 23 June 2002]. He whined so much to his roommates, John and Mary Rushman of Colona, Ill., about how his life couldn't be worse that the couple allegedly tied a noose around his neck and tried to hang him. When that failed, they allegedly beat him with a hammer. He survived, and the Rushmans have been arrested. Goddard's grandmother notes that since the tattooing, "He hasn't been able to get a job." (Moline Dispatch)
...Yes, the job market for guys with "Idiot Inside" billboards on their foreheads is a bit tight these days.
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A SPOONFUL OF SUGAR HELPS THE MEDICINE GO DOWN: Godfrey Charnley, 43, an orthopedic surgeon performing an operation in Plymouth, Devon, England, was outraged when he asked for a curette (a curved, sharp blade) and was handed a sterilized sharpened dessert spoon instead. He threw it on the floor and filed a claim against the hospital with an industrial tribunal. He lost the case when the hospital's medical director testified that a spoon is a "very good instrument" for surgery. "I use one myself in cardiothoracic surgery," he told the tribunal. (London Telegraph)
...And it's terrific for sectioning fresh grapefruit.
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DRIVE THROUGH SERVICE: "Whoopee? Oopsie! Honk If the Dealership Used Your Car for Sex"
-- St. Petersburg (Fla.) Times headline
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The temperature had taken an overnight plunge, and Minnesota reaffirmed its reputation as one of the nation's coldest states. Despite a wind-chill of minus 40, we steelworkers erecting a TV tower in a Minneapolis-St. Paul suburb showed up for work. By 9 a.m., a tall Texan climbed down from the tower and entered the office trailer. He took his lunch pail from the shelf and headed for the door.
"What's up?" the foreman asked. "You sick?"
"Nope," the Texan replied. "Goin' home to get my jacket."
"Where's home?" the foreman persisted.
"Dallas," he said.
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Someone in our neighborhood put a huge sofa out by the curb for trash collection. Since it was in good shape, many motorists slowed down for a look. But when they saw how enormous it was, they'd leave.
Eventually a compact car pulled up, and two men got out. "This I've got to see," I thought. They removed the cushions, turned the sofa upside down, and shook it hard. Then they picked up all the coins that tumbled out and drove off.
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DDL
So lovely she looks as she drowses,
'Twould fair charm the birds from the boughses;
The breeze through the trees,
Her nipples doth tease...
I see lad, your interest arouses.
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WOMEN'S DAILY PRAYER
Dear God,
Thank you for making me healthy,
Can you also make me sexy?
If you can't make me sexy,
PLEASE make all my friends fat.....
Amen......
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Did you hear about the Irishman who stayed up all night wondering where the sun went?
It finally dawned on him.
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Bob: My wife drives like lightning.
Ted: She drives fast?
Bob: No, she hits trees!
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Rotten News... (true)
Cameroon bans urine 'health drink'
The Cameroon health minister has deemed it necessary to warn people that drinking urine may not be good for your health.
Urbain Olanguena Awono has even warned that those who advocate drinking urine risk prosecution.
He was moved to speak after a wave of interest in "urinotherapy".
Advocates are convinced that it can cure afflictions such as haemorrhoids, ulcers, infertility and even snake bites.
"Given the risks of toxicity associated in the short, medium and long term with ingesting urine, the health ministry advises against the consumption of urine and invites those who promote the practice to cease doing so forthwith or risk prosecution," Mr Awono said in a statement.
But "urinotherapists" are sticking to their beliefs that a glass of urine a day keeps the doctor away.
"I used it to treat my haemorrhoids," Emile told Cameroon newspaper, Le Messager.
"Everyone uses it in secret. But you need to be brave," he said.
But not everyone has the necessary courage.
"I tried but I just couldn't," said G Gisele.
"For several years now, I haven't had a hair on my head, but since I started drinking my urine, it's started growing again - it's quite extraordinary," the French news agency, AFP, quoted an unnamed magistrate as saying.
Le Messager says that a book on "urinotherapy" published in Switzerland has become a best seller.
But others say it is part of Cameroon's traditional medicine.
"When my grandmother who is 80 was bitten by a snake in the fields, she drank her own urine. This slowed down the progress of the venom to her heart until she got to hospital," said Omer Otabela.
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Tue, March 11, 2003
Indian parliamentarians scream for hours
NEW DELHI, India (AP) -- In the United States, lawmakers filibuster. In India, they scream at the top of their lungs.
Upset by a budget proposal to raise the price of fertilizer, lawmakers in India's lower house of parliament shouted their opposition for four hours on Tuesday. The tactic was so effective the finance minister withdrew the plan.
The lawmakers, apparently trying to appease rural voters ahead of crucial state elections this year, drowned out Finance Minister Jaswant Singh as he tried to reply to a Parliament debate on the national budget for the fiscal year that starts April 1.
In his Feb. 28 budget, Singh proposed a marginal rise in prices of some fertilizers, saying it would help the government limit increases in fertilizer subsidies.
Lawmakers argued -- loudly -- that any price increase would hurt farmers, who have already suffered from a bad drought.
The shouters eventually got their way. "If people are saying it shouldn't be increased then it won't be increased," Singh finally said.
The government had provided $2.7 billion in the budget for fertilizer subsidies, and Singh agreed to increase that by another $145 million.
Pushed to state unequivocally that he would abandon the proposal, Singh said: "I've withdrawn it." Some lawmakers kept shouting.
The government's failure to cut subsidies in the face of political opposition is blamed for the government's widening budget deficit. Critics say it threatens to undo the gains from economic reforms India initiated in the 1990s.
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10/02/2003 13:18 - (SA)
Wife's pubic hair torture
Lusaka - A lazy Zambian housewife had to be rescued from three vengeful grannies last week after they stripped her naked, pinched her thighs and then plucked out all her pubic hair.
The gang of grannies, known as Alangizi, apparently resorted to torture when 18-year-old Sharon Mwanjila was disrespectful to her new mother-in-law and refused to clean up after her husband.
"My mother-in-law dragged me to the Alangizi at 06:00 in the morning, and then watched as the grannies ordered me to strip off all my clothes. Once I was naked, they started pinching my thighs and pulling my pubic hair out. It was very painful, and soon started bleeding," said a still tearful Mwanjila.
"When I complained, they poured salt on my injuries, and then poured hot water too."
When the terrified woman carried on crying, the grannies sent her to bed without food. They then allegedly woke her early the next morning, and continued plucking her pubic hair until she was totally bald.
"They also made me lick their feet, and kiss my mother-in-law's feet to apologise for being rude," sobbed Mwanjila.
Mwanjila's husband eventually heard about the abduction and torture, and ransomed his traumatised wife back from the Alangizi for about R130.
When Mwanjila's aunt, Fanelli Mulilwa, saw the extent of her injuries, she immediately called in the Mutendere village police to arrest the grannies. - African Eye News Service