Daily Dose - 030503 - ORIGIN OF THE WEDDING RING, BIZARRE NEWS, psychology course, final exam, DDL, Rotten News
ORIGIN OF THE WEDDING RING
Most of the people who study the customs of long ago agree that the wedding ring was used first in the days when men used to own their wives. In those terrible times, which stupid people (maybe) call the "good old days," men used their brutal strength to make women their slaves. It is customary to put a chain on a slave to show that he has a owner.
After a time as men became a little better (so they say) instead of actually putting anything like chains on their wives, or rings around the neck or body, they invented something which would have the same meaning without being really bad. (oh shoot)
Anything that stands for something else, like this, is called a symbol. We now believe that the wedding ring began as a symbol, meaning that the wife was the husband's property.
Ain't changed any here. She only unchains me so I can potty.
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BIZARRE NEWS...
Bizarre Product FACTS
In 4000 BC Egypt, men and women wore glitter eye shadow made from the crushed shells of beetles.
In M&M candies, the letters stand for Mars and Murrie, the developers of the candy in 1941.
In the 1700s, European women achieved a pale complexion by eating "Arsenic Complexion Wafers" actually made with the poison.
Kotex was first manufactured as bandages, during W.W.I.
Most American car horns honk in the key of F.
Most lipstick contains fish scales.
The condom - made originally of linen - was invented in the early 1500's.
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Dead Business
Paul Kinsella, 31, of New Athens, Ill. has just launched a new business that he claims will allow the living to send messages to the afterworld. How? He is lining up terminally ill volunteers who will memorize messages given by the living and then deliver them to the dead once they pass over.
And he's only charging $5 a word, although, he claims he is giving it all to charity.
So far Kinsella only has one volunteer - and no customers. Big surprise there.
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Every Man's Furniture Fantasy
A Seattle, WA artist known only as "Gord" turns women into furniture.
Gord uses a specially-designed latex body mold that can keep someone contorted as a lamp, desk, you name it, for long periods of time.
Gord says a lot of women "love being objectified" as human furniture. He also says the physical and emotional stress requires a woman who is flexible in more ways that one.
Currently he is trying to make three women into a computer work station.
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Toilet Talent
SANTA FE, New Mexico - Several cities across America have decorated their streets with painted objects. Polyurethane cows and ponies have been adorned with unique decor from different artists and paraded through major towns.
With the idea of raising water awareness among citizens of the often drought-plagued state of New Mexico, a Santa Fe civic group is sponsoring "The Trail of the Painted Potties."
Artists will use their talents to turn ordinary toilets into works of art. This summer, the decorated dumpers will be judged at the Potty Pageant, with the winner receiving a water-conserving washing machine.
Finally, critics can go to town on artwork that's used to taking a lot of crap.
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One Man's Vice is Another's Fountain of Youth
LAKELAND, Fla. - A model of hope for the millions of people who live on junk food and tobacco has passed away. The oldest living American man died Monday from heart failure at the age of 113.
During his life, John McMorran considered coffee his elixir and quit cigars at the age of 97. Although his eyesight and hearing had failed in his final years, he was still kicking much longer than most senior citizens.
McMorran lived for over a century and a decade on a diet of beer, greasy food and cigars. Anyone got a match?
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Stone Smugglers Use Protection
COLOMBO, Sri Lanka - Usually when condoms are involved swallowing isn't an option.
However, two men in Sri Lanka have been arrested by customs officials at an airport after attempting to smuggle precious gems by placing the stones in condoms and swallowing them. Acting on a tip-off, the customs department escorted the 25 and 35-year-old men, who didn't claim anything as baggage, to the hospital where X-rays found 10 condoms full of goodies.
The rocks are estimated at around $6,000 total, possibly more. The removal process will be very interesting.
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During a phone conversation, my nephew mentioned that he was taking a psychology course at university.
"Oh, great," I said, "Now you'll be analyzing everyone in the family."
"No, no," he replied. "I don't take abnormal psychology until next semester."
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The final exam in electrical engineering worried my son, Don. On the last day of class, the professor wished the students
luck as he wrote a phone number on the blackboard. "If any of you have difficulty understanding the review material, call
this number," he said as he dismissed the class.
On Saturday afternoon, stumped by one of the review problems, Don reached for the phone and heard a recorded message from Dial-A-Prayer.
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DDL
The ladies all had to agree
That Mort's penis was too small to see.
A whore named Louise
Sniffed, "Who will that please?"
Mort proudly submitted, "Just me!"
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Q: How can you tell if a Redneck is Working in your Office?
A: The monitor is up on blocks.
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"I suffer from two phobias: 1) Phobia-Phobia, the fear that you're unable to get scared, and 2) Xylophataquieopiaphobia,
the fear of not pronouncing words correctly."
- Brad Stine
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"Sometimes the only way you can feel good about yourself is by making someone else look bad. And I'm tired of making other people feel good about themselves!"
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Rotten News... (true)
Franks, Beans Team Up On Tennessee Police Force
Deputies Mike Franks, Gary Beans Were Natural Fit, Lieutenant Says
Posted: 10:12 a.m. EST February 20, 2003
MEMPHIS, Tenn. -- There are Friday and Gannon and Starsky and Hutch among famous police teams. Now there is Franks and Beans.
In Shelby County, Tenn., Deputy Mike Franks' partner is Deputy Gary Beans.
Their lieutenant said he already had Franks on staff when Beans walked through the door, and he knew what he had to do.
Franks and Beans worked patrol together for a while and were switched to accident investigation two years ago.
And yes, they've heard all the jokes. Franks said they're both known as the Beenie Weenies.
Their boss might not be through assigning partners. He has another deputy named Costello.
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Ohio woman has to cover up busty snow-woman
Posted: 02/22/2003 – 16:41:00
(Kent, Ohio-AP) -- A woman in northeastern Ohio may have done too thorough a job with her snowman -- or snow-woman, to be exact.
Crystal Lynn says police in the town of Kent told her she had to remove the breasts from her snow woman -- after someone complained.
She says she didn't want to do that -- so instead, she draped a tablecloth around the shoulders.
The snow woman was too busty to be covered by a shirt.
Lynn says the police officer made her feel as if she'd be arrested if she didn't cover up her creation.
But police say that's not true -- they say it was simply a neighborhood dispute, and that no charges were necessary.
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Trapeze artist attacks rival with castration tongs
18.02.2003 3.25 pm
BERLIN - A lovesick 58-year-old German man was sentenced to seven years in jail after attacking a factory worker with a pair of bull castration tongs in the western town of Duesseldorf, a state court has said.
The circus trapeze artist had tried to emasculate the man using the steel pincers after accusing him of having a relationship with his former girlfriend, a 46-year-old belly dancer who performed in the same circus.
The trapeze artist inflicted serious injury on the victim, who worked at a local factory, with the tongs and a knife in the February 2002 assault. But the factory worker was able to fight off the smaller attacker and prevent more serious injury.
"Fortunately the factory worker didn't lose anything -except for a lot of blood," said Ulrich Tholer, spokesman for the Duesseldorf state court. The assailant was convicted of attempted murder and grievous bodily harm. He was also fired from the circus.
- REUTERS