Daily Dose - 030430 - wanted to be Jewish, THIS is TRUE, New Boyfriend, DDL, Rotten News

Although born to a Catholic family, Chester had always wanted to be Jewish. As a senior in college, he decided to take the plunge and go through the formal conversion process. He studied Judaism all semester. Finally, he felt he was ready to take the test and complete the conversion.

On the appointed day, he arrived at the Rabbi's office, ready to begin.

The Rabbi said, "I'm sorry, but before I give you the test, I must discuss my fee, It's $5000."

"$5000!" exclaimed Chester, "That's a lot of money. How about $500?"

"Congratulations, you pass." said the Rabbi.

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THIS is TRUE....

LEADING BY EXAMPLE: Teachers and staff at Clarkston (Ga.) High School say Principal Larry Jester was still on the job weeks after they reported he had threatened to kill them. They say Jester also broadcasted gospel music and sermons from his office, claimed the school was possessed by demons, bragged of having a weapons cache and threatened suicide. "He said, 'I'm just going to get my gun, shoot the whole staff and shoot myself'," says Cynthia Kendrick, Jester's secretary until she took medical leave for anxiety. Only after the allegations surfaced in the press did district officials remove Jester from his job -- to an administrative position with the district. A student was recently pulled out of the same school for one instance of threatening to "pop" another student. (Atlanta Journal-Constitution)
...Who watches the watchers?

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WHERE DID YOU GET THAT? A student told a teacher that Kevin Long had a knife at Struthers (Ohio) Elementary School. Sure enough, the first-grader had a small plastic knife in his book bag that he got from the school cafeteria. He had kept it so he could show his mother he had learned how to butter bread. The school's zero tolerance policy says a knife is a weapon, so Principal Betty Washington suspended the 6-year-old boy for 10 days while a 180-day expulsion is considered. (Youngstown Vindicator)
...And until the problem is resolved, the cafeteria menu will remain the same: soup.

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PROTECTED TO DEATH: Nezha Saad of Toronto, Ont., Canada, suffers from a mood disorder, and can get anxious and depressed if she doesn't take medication. During one of her spells, she called the police and told them her husband was threatening her and her children. Mohammed Saad denied the charge, and once back on her meds Nezha recanted, noting that her husband has never even spanked their children. But the province has a zero-tolerance domestic abuse policy; Mohammed was arrested, and it took six weeks for him to get out on bail. By then he had been suspended from his job, and a restraining order was filed to keep him from seeing his wife or children without "supervision". Nezha says she has been told if she changes the story she told while she was off her medications, she could lose her children. Because the ZT policy requires prosecution, the courts are clogged with cases, so the Saad's case is not expected to be heard until 17 months after their nightmare started. (Toronto Globe and Mail) ...Quit looking shocked
-- you didn't expect ZT to only infect U.S. schools, did you?

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NOT HOME SCHOOLED: A supermarket clerk in Hickory, N.C., was suspicious when two men tried to cash a payroll check from "Boryhill Furmiture", rather than the chain's correctly spelled name, Broyhill Furniture. They ran when she called the police. Investigators think they printed the check themselves, copying names out of the phonebook. "There's a good possibility that if the name on the check had been spelled correctly, they would have gotten away with it," a police spokesman said. The duo has not been captured, but police arrested two women that were with them, and recovered 42 counterfeit checks from various businesses. (Hickory Daily Record)
...Word on the street is the victimized companies included such notable names as Saefwae, WallMark, Al's State Inshurence and computer giant IMB.

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THOUGH HOPEFULLY NOT AT THE SAME TIME: "When Doctors Smoked and Hair Was Lacquered"
-- New York Times headline

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New Boyfriend

While, I was recovering from surgery and spending most of the day in bed, my seven year old son asked me why I didn't have a boyfriend. I told him the television was my boyfriend, he entertained me all the time. The only problem was the television set was old and would just shut off for no reason. But, I would just give it a few hard wacks on the side and it would come back on, which was no big deal...

A couple of days later the pastor stopped by to check on my recovery. I was trying to get the television to come back on so, my son answered the door.

The pastor smiled and asked "Is your mom busy, son?

My little one looked up at him and replied, "No, sir, she is just in the bedroom banging her boyfriend".

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DDL

These Idiots with SPAM are abusin'
A newsgroup I find most amusin'
I'd fill up their shorts
with explosives of sorts
then laugh when they blew up in confusion.

Your limerick is not lame
It is the name of the game
To even the score
Fill the spammer with C4
Then we will not even remember their name.

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A recent study found that 35% of men have been injured while undoing a woman's bra. That's correct. While unfastening a woman's stabilizing devise, men have received strained tendons, scratches, and other similar injuries.

Actually, I can vouch for that. I got injured today while trying to undo a woman's bra. When I undid the woman in front of me in the checkout line, she turned and hit me with a can of peas.

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"I can't wait to have a son so I can give him 'the talk'. I'll say; 'Son, making love to a woman is just like putting a roof on a house. You climb on top, then hammer away until you're too tired to go on'"

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"And God Spilt his drink an Ireland was created."
--Samuel Mcdermott

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Rotten News... (true)

N.Y. Boy Wins Rotten Sneaker Contest
Wed Mar 19,11:02 AM ET Add U.S. National - AP to My Yahoo!

MONTPELIER, Vt. - A New York boy walked away with the top prize of a $500 savings bond on Tuesday in the annual rotten sneaker contest

But ten-year-old Jeffry Soto says he's not taking full credit for the sneakers, which stumped a judge in the "heels" category because they didn't have any heels left.

The fifth grader says his pit bull helped make his entry the winner.

"I had a fight with my dog," said Soto, who lives in the Bronx, N.Y., and advanced from the local competition held there last November. "I was trying to get it away from him because he uses it as a chew toy."

The competition also included some international competition when an entry came in from the crew of the USS Montpelier submarine.

The sneaker arrived double-bagged from an undisclosed location in the Persian Gulf where the submarine is currently deployed. The shoe arrived with an unmistakable odor of fish.

Contestants are required to be under the age of 15, but contest organizers still gave the military shoe an honorary title of "most rotten sneaker."

"That's a weapon of mass destruction right there," said commentator Dave Moody, who moderated the 28th annual contest.

The rotten sneaker contest began in 1975 as a way to help a local sporting goods store sell shoes.

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Posted on Fri, Feb. 14, 2003

Man complains about neighbor's lion
Associated Press

TONASKET, Wash. - The first roar woke Dick Riddle at 1:14 a.m. Another jolted him awake at 2:28 a.m., and one more at 5:05 a.m.

"It'll make the hair on the back of your neck stand up," said Riddle, recalling the "gut-wrenching" sound and a sleepless night a week ago.

The noise was coming from the yard of Riddle's neighbor, Stacey Storm, who keeps two big cats - Jonathan, a 600-pound African lion and Selena, a 500-pound Siberian tiger - in her yard.

Riddle has complained to the sheriff's office and the County Commission, and has testified at a House Judiciary Committee hearing last month in favor of a bill that would allow only trained professionals or certified institutions to own dangerous wild animals.

But Storm compares Jonathan's bellows to the barking of a dog.

"It's not an annoying thing. He roars when he hears a stranger around," she said.

And Selena only makes a growly, purring sound that doesn't carry across the valley, she said.

Last November, Okanogan County cited Storm for a noise ordinance violation. The county prosecutor wants her to pay a $150 fine and keep the lion quiet for a year. But Storm said she won't do it.

"I'm being harassed," she said. "It's an invasion of my constitutional rights."

County Prosecutor Karl Sloan said it might take a new state law to solve Riddle's problem.

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Australians worship 'holy' fence post
By Kathy Marks in Sydney
01 February 2003

Residents of Sydney have always flocked to Coogee to worship the sun; now they are converging on the coastal suburb to pay homage to an apparition of the Virgin Mary in a gatepost.

Hundreds of believers have transformed the post – part of a picket fence on a headland by the beach – into a shrine, with rosary beads, icons and flowers piled up around it, since the vision was reported earlier this week.

Yesterday the pilgrims wept, sang and prayed. Many claimed they could see a veiled figure in the post and said they were certain it was the Holy Mother. "She's wearing a blue robe on the outside and a white robe on the inside," said one woman, Chad Areiji.

Fr Denis Holm, of St Brigid's Catholic church in Coogee, said it might be an optical illusion. But he added: "If people are experiencing a sense of peace by being there, I see it as a good thing."

Henrietta Dean, a resident, was less sure. "I see a fence post, and I've seen that same fence post for many years," she said.