Daily Dose - 030422 - SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT, BIZARRE NEWS, Furniture Disease, DDL, Rotten News
SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT
A mouse looked through a crack in the wall to see the farmer and his wife opening a package; what food might it contain? He was aghast to discover that it was a mouse trap! Retreating to the farmyard, the mouse proclaimed the warning, "There is a mouse trap in the house, there is a mouse trap in the house."
The chicken clucked and scratched, raised her head and said, "Mr.. Mouse, I can tell you this is a grave concern to you, but it is of no consequence to me; I cannot be bothered by it."
The mouse turned to the pig and told him, "There is a mouse trap in the house."
"I am so very sorry Mr. Mouse," sympathized the pig, "but there is nothing I can do about it but pray; be assured that you are in my prayers."
The mouse turned to the cow, who replied, "Like wow, Mr. Mouse, a mouse trap; am I in grave danger, Duh?"
So the mouse returned to the house, head down and dejected to face the farmer's mouse trap alone. That very night a sound was heard throughout the house, like the sound of a mouse trap catching its prey. The farmer's wife rushed to see what was caught.
In the darkness, she did not see that it was a venomous snake whose tail the trap had caught. The snake bit the farmer's wife. The farmer rushed her to the hospital. She returned home with a fever. Now everyone knows you treat a fever with fresh chicken soup, so the farmer took his hatchet to the farmyard for the soup's main ingredient. His wife's sickness continued so that friends and neighbors came to sit with her around the clock. To feed them, the farmer butchered the pig.
The farmer's wife did not get well, in fact, she died, and so many people came for her funeral the farmer had the cow slaughtered to provide meat for all of them to eat.
So the next time you hear that someone is facing a problem and think that it does not concern you, remember that when the least of us is threatened, we are all at risk.
And so it may be with France, Germany, Ireland, Finland, Sweden, Greece, Austria, Luxembourg and Belgium.....
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BIZARRE NEWS.....
Bizarre Presidential FACTS
Ronald Reagan, the 40th U.S. president, saved 77 people from drowning as a lifeguard in his youth at a riverside beach near Dixon, Illinois.
20th president of the United States James Garfield could write Greek with one hand while writing Latin with the other.
Abe Lincoln, the 16th president of the United States, carried letters, bills, and notes in his notorious black, top-hat.
First U.S. president George Washington rejected a movement among army officers to make him king of the United States.
William Taft, 27th president of the United States, weighed more than 300 pounds and had a special oversized bathtub installed in the White House.
The 38th president of the United States, Gerald Ford turned down offers to play professional football for the Green Bay Packers and the Detroit Lions.
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Referee Fights Back
NORTH LONDON, England - All too often a referee is verbally assaulted for the calls he makes during a game. After having reached the end of his wits, one soccer official decided to fight back.
Having taken abuse for disallowing a goal, a referee threatened players with an axe, screaming: "Who f***ing wants it?" He stormed onto the field with no shirt on and waved the long axe around his head while shouting obscenities at those who had criticized him moments ago.
One witness had this to say: "He looked mental. Everyone ran to the far corners of the ground to get away from him." Then the ref got in his car and drove off.
After the incident, the referee was cut from the league.
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Dead-Beat Kid
A North Wales, England man has been banned by a court from contacting his own parents under anti-stalking laws. When his father was diagnosed with cancer, Andrew Cameron McBeth stood by him.
His father told him that in appreciation for his support he would pay off his mortgage when he received compensation. It turned out that Mr. McBeth senior's cancer was misdiagnosed, and therefore, he refused to pay his son's mortgage.
The two argued profusely and eventually McBeth, 32, was ordered to carry out 150 hours of community service, pay a fine, and respect a restraining order that does not allow him to approach his parents until further notice.
Attention parents with dead-beat kids: Take your cue from these guys.
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The Toaster Thief
A man has appeared in an Indian court for allegedly smuggling toasters and ovens 40 years ago.
The customs department had accused the man of illegally importing the goods from Poland in 1963. The 84-year-old man says he has pleaded guilty to put an end to countless visits to various courts.
He faces a fine of around £1,300 or six months jail. The judge has launched a drive to find the 88 original witnesses, many of who are thought to be dead.
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A Special Snack
SACRAMENTO, Calif. - After receiving an assignment in health class to bring a healthy snack, five students at an El Dorado County High School decided to bring a scrumptious batch of brownies, but not just any brownies - the "magical" kind. Yes, the students allegedly brought pot-laced brownies to distribute to classmates, according to school officials.
Apparently the teacher quickly realized what was going on and brought the dessert to the administration.
The students have not been allowed to return to school and face being expelled. Authorities said they have each received misdemeanor citations and could face anything from a fine to time in juvenile hall.
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Matt went into Doc Steven's office for his annual checkup, and the Doc asked if there was anything unusual he should know about.
That left it pretty wide open, so he told the Doc that he found it real strange how his suit must've shrunk just sittin' in his closet, because it didn't fit when he went to get ready for a wedding recently.
The Doc said, "Suits don't shrink just sittin' there. You probably just put on a few pounds, Matt."
"That's just it, Doc, I know I haven't gained a single pound since the last time I wore it."
"Well, then," said Doc, "You must have a case of Furniture Disease."
"What in the world is Furniture Disease?" Matt asked.
"Furniture Disease, Matt, is when you reach that stage in life when your chest starts slidin' down into your drawers."
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DDL
The selection was tough, I admit,
But it did not dismay him one bit,
Then, with ass thrown aloft
He suddenly coughed ...
And collapsed in a shower of shit.
(But it daunted our Spartan no whit)
His bunghole was blown back to Sparta,
Where they buried the rest of our farter.
With a gravestone of turds
Inscribed with the words,
"To the Fine Art of Farting, a Martyr."
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"This has all the earmarks of an eyesore."
--James McSheehy, member of the San Francisco Board of Supervisors, commenting on a construction project he opposed.
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"Be careful about reading health books. You might die of a misprint."
--Mark Twain
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A man who says marriage is a 50-50 proposition doesn't understand two things: 1 - Women, 2 - Fractions
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Rotten News... (true)
Dog-Washing Machine Cleans Pets While Owners Wait
Posted: 12:47 p.m. EST February 11, 2003
A special laundromat in western Japan has introduced a new concept for bathing dogs that is guaranteed to save pet owners time and a messy bathtub.
The automatic dog wash cleans the animals while their owners wait for their laundry.
The dog laundromat opened adjacent to an ordinary laundromat Toyooka and residents have been flocking to the building to wash not just their clothes but their dog as well.
The cost for a thorough shampoo and blow drying is about $17 for small dogs and $34 for a large one.
Laundromat owner Takayoshi Nakae places the dog inside the bright red washer with a large glass window and turns the machine on.
Jets of warm water, followed by soapy water and then warm water again, bathe and massage the smells, fleas and ticks away.
After the washing is done, warm air swirls throughout the cubicle, drying the canine customer.
Most dogs, even if they resist being put into the washer, resign themselves to their fate once the water starts, according to the report.
"When you wash a dog in the washer, my customers say that their dogs don't smell for a month. I have a lot of satisfied customers," says Takayoshi who washes about 10 dogs a day in his machine which was imported from Spain.
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Funeral Director Spends Clients' Money On Strippers
Court Orders Man Never To Work In Funeral Business Again
Posted: 8:15 a.m. EST February 14, 2003
SAN DIEGO -- A court is ordering a California funeral director to never work in the funeral business again.
Houston Quick has been sentenced to three years in prison for embezzling nearly $400,000 from elderly clients -- and spending some of the money to buy gifts for strippers.
Prosecutors in San Diego say Quick stole from clients who paid about $500 each to handle their cremations. He transferred money from hundreds of families to a private account. Quick told court officials he used some of the money on what he called "good times" with two strippers. Officials say he didn't pay them for sex.
Defense lawyers say Quick is being treated for bipolar disorder.
Prosecutors say he's repaid some of the money and plans to raise more by taking out a loan on the home he shares with his wife and two children.
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Fri, March 21, 2003
Indonesian police urged to grow vegetables to deter corruption
JAKARTA, Indonesia (AP) - Cash-strapped police shaking down citizens for some of the green stuff is part of daily life in Indonesia. To reel back graft, a police chief wants his officers to develop green thumbs instead.
Bogor Police Col. Anton Bachrul Alam said Friday he was encouraging officers to grow tomatoes, lettuce and flowers at home to supplement their often meagre income. "Their official wages are barely enough to live on. It's better than extorting people or taking bribes," he said.
Alam said a hydrophonics expert would teach officers and their family to grow plants using nutrient solutions rather than soil, making them easier to harvest. A police co-operative will help them sell their crops, he said.
Bogor has about 3,000 policemen who earn on average one million rupiah, the equivalent of about $164 Cdn per month.
Indonesia's security forces are notorious for petty graft, running illegal enterprises and taking bribes from drug smugglers and gambling operators.