Daily Dose - 030407 - night watchman, THIS is TRUE, New Year's Eve, Quote of the Day,
DDL, Rotten News

Passing an office building late one night, a blonde saw a sign that said, "Press bell for night
watchman."

She did so, and after several minutes she heard the watchman clomping down the stairs.

The uniformed man proceeded to unlock first one gate, then another, shut down the alarm
system, and finally made his way through the revolving door.

"Well," he snarled at the blonde, "what do you want?"

"I just wanted to know why you can't ring it for yourself."

________________________

THIS is TRUE.....

WHAT GARBAGE: Michael Wong-Sasso choose the place for his 7th birthday party: a landfill
near his home in Granada Hills, Calif. "I want to be a garbage collector when I grow up," he
says. "I like making the world cleaner." That's fine, said his mother. "Whatever his interest is, I
support it." Parents who accompanied their kids to the dump site party agree. "We really need
kids that think that way," said a mom. "Not everyone can grow up to be a nuclear scientist."
(Los Angeles Times)
...These days, parents will do anything to keep their kids from growing up to be president.

********

CHUTZPAH DEFINED: Bradley Steven Bailey, 21, allegedly stole a day's receipts from the
Cedar Falls, Iowa, restaurant where he worked -- about $2,000 that he was supposed to take
to the bank. He was found a month later in Maryland, arrested, and returned to Iowa to face
trial. Prosecutors say Bailey wrote the restaurant from jail to apologize -- and ask the
manager to mail him his final paycheck. (Waterloo-Cedar Falls Courier)
...It would be a nice start toward restitution.

********

HAPPY TO SEE ME: Customs inspectors at California's Los Angeles International Airport
asked to look in Robert John Cusack's suitcase when he arrived from Thailand. When an
inspector opened the luggage, a bird flew out. Inspectors found four endangered birds and 50
protected orchids. "Do you have anything else you should tell us about?" they asked Cusack,
45. "Yes," he replied, "I've got monkeys in my pants." They found two pigmy monkeys "in a
little pouch in his pants," said a special agent for the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service. "This was
the only time where somebody's stuck monkeys down his pants." (Los Angeles Times)
...Better check with the vice squad before you testify to that in court.

********

WIRED: Police in Surrey, B.C., Canada, responded to a house after someone there called
911 and hung up. Officers discovered that an unnamed 60- year-old woman in the house
heard that if she dialed 9111, she'd get a recording that would tell her if the police were
tapping the phone. The story is an urban legend and is, of course, false. When officers
arrived, they found "a reasonably sized marijuana growing operation" in the house, a police
spokesman said. The woman and three men in the house were arrested on drug charges.
(Vancouver Sun)
...If you're stupid, press 1. If you're really stupid, press 2. If you're incredibly stupid and are
currently committing a crime, press 911.

********

HALLMARK'S WORST NIGHTMARE: "Friends Trade Tattered Card for 49 Years"
-- AP headline

_______________________________

Last New Year's Eve, a lady stood up at the local pub and said that it was time to get ready
for the celebrations.

At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to be standing next to the one person
who made his life worth living.

Well, it was kind of embarrassing. The bartender was almost crushed to death.

_______________________

Women's Quote of the Day:

"Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and
keep them in the dark until they mature into something with which you'd like to have dinner."

Men's Counter-Quote of the Day:

"Women are like fine wine. They all start out fresh, fruity and intoxicating to the mind and then
turn full-bodied with age until they go all sour and vinegary and give you a headache."

_______________________

DDL

A dyslexic insomniac agnostic
Lay awake thinking thoughts diagnostic
With his mind in a fog
Asking, "Is there a dog?"
And other things nearly as caustic.

________________________

"I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance, waiting for the bathroom."
-Bob Hope

***

"If people don't want to come out to the ball park, nobody's going to stop them."
-Yogi Berra, American baseball player, coach and manager.

***

"I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either."
-Jack Benny

______________________________

Rotten News.... (true)

Man frames dead dad's tattoos
January 15, 2003

A NORTH Queensland man has preserved his father's memory by removing and framing the
dead man's tattoos.

Mackay miner Carl Whittaker, 31, acted on the wishes of his father Barry, who died of cancer
in 1999 after ongoing health problems.

The four tattoos - including a large image of an eagle from Barry's back - have been framed
and hang in Mr Whittaker's dining room.

Mr Whittaker admits reactions to the momento are mixed.

"You've got your fors and against, and a lot of people are quite horrified by it all - they look
and say 'Oh my God'," he said. They're still very intrigued, they can't take their eyes off it. The
people that know me just know it was out of respect for my old man, because he wasn't just
my old man - he was my best mate."

Mr Whittaker said his father had the tattoos done when he was terminally ill with a view to
having them saved after his death.

He first found out about the plan when Barry took his shirt off during radiotherapy and there
were outlines all over his back.

Barry put his wishes in his will, and before he died his son found a taxidermist in Mackay
willing to remove the tattoos and a company in Brisbane willing to tan them.

"I thought it was a bit on the wild side myself," Mr Whittaker said. "But that's what he wanted,
and I had a lot of respect for the man, so I did it. I suppose it preserves his memory. It's one
of those things he got in his head, and he wanted it done. Once it's in his head you couldn't
get it out, he was that kind of bloke."

The tattoos have been featured in the American program, Ripley's Believe It Or Not.

Mr Whittaker said his wife did not object, and he hoped to pass the memorial on to his
daughter, who is now 15 months old.

AAP

********

Martin is refused parole as 'danger to burglars'
By David Sapsted
(Filed: 17/01/2003)

Tony Martin, the farmer jailed for shooting dead a teenage burglar, had his application for
parole rejected yesterday.

The three members of the Parole Board, who met in London to review his case, gave no
reason for turning him down.

A friend of Martin's claimed that it was because a probation report branded the 58-year-old "a
danger to burglars".

Others suggested that a primary reason was Martin's refusal to express remorse for shooting
16-year-old Fred Barras when he and another burglar raided his remote Norfolk house at
night in August, 1999.

Martin, who will automatically qualify for release on licence in July after serving two-thirds of
his five-year sentence for manslaughter, was said to have been resigned to the decision.

Malcom Starr, a friend and leading supporter who visited Martin in Highpoint Prison, Suffolk,
called the decision "an absolute disgrace".

He said: "These people on the Parole Board are completely out of touch with public opinion.
"All right-thinking people agree that Mr Martin should be released immediately."

Mr Starr, a Cambridgeshire businessman, said Martin told him a Probation Service report to
the board criticised the farmer for "not being up to speed with the 21st century and of thinking
things were better 40 years ago".

Mr Starr added: "A lot of prisoners lie and say they are sorry about something when they are
not. He was not prepared to lie. It is not a question of 'does he feel sorry'. He feels he should
never have been intruded on and he acted in self defence."

Richard Portham, another friend, said: "He told me that the Norfolk probation service was
recommending that he should not get parole because they considered him a danger to
burglars.

"I suppose the attitude came across in this report that he would do it again."

The shotgun Martin used on Barras, from Newark, Nottinghamshire, was illegally held. He
had lost his licence after an incident when he fired on a car trespassing on his farm.

**********

Woman who nursed puppies has no regrets
11.11.02

A young Norwegian mother who took a litter of puppies to her own breast when her dog died
giving birth remains proud of her unusual move. Now, six weeks later, both her infant son and
eight of the puppies that survived are crawling around the family's Christmas tree in Siggerud,
west of Oslo.

"I've had lots of reaction, mostly positive," Kine Skiaker tells newspaper Aftenposten. But
Skiaker also had to tolerate some less-than-flattering remarks. "No one has complained to
me directly, but I've heard from others that some people thought it was disgusting that I would
nurse Emil (her son) and the puppies at the same time," she said. "I just have to tolerate that,
and can only say that I washed myself thoroughly after I'd nursed the puppies."

Skiaker says she's also been told by experts that she helped save the puppies' lives. "That
makes me feel good," she said. "Then I can accept that some think what I did was
nauseating."

The drama began Friday November 8 when Skiaker's Canarian Warren Hound, named Aida,
started giving birth to a litter of 14 puppies. Suddenly the puppies stopped coming and the
next stop was the vet's office.

In the end, both Aida and three of the puppies died, while another three died later.

Those that survived were in desperate need of nourishment, and that's when Skiaker
impulsively took them to her breast. She fed them over that first weekend, until surrogate
mother dogs could be found to take over.

Today, the eight surviving puppies (four males and four females) are back in the Skiaker's
home and in good health. So is baby Emil, now five months old and happy to play with his
canine comrades in the Skiakers' living room.

One of the puppies will be soon be delivered to new owners in Kongsberg. She's the only one
with a name, so far, and it's Aida, after her late mother.