Daily Dose - 030402 - Big Bang, BIZARRE NEWS, Something Sweet, DDL, Rotten News

I was fascinated to find out the other day some new research into the Big Bang. That's the
theory which says about 15 billion years ago, a tremendous explosion happened which
created the universe.

Researchers are now saying the Big Bang is actually part of a continuing and endless cycle
of explosions and expansions that last trillions of years.

The cycle begins with the Big Dinner and Drinks, then the Big Bang, which is followed by a
Big Cigarette, a Little Nap, then another Big Bang.

Then, rudely enough, the Universe goes back to its own apartment and never calls.

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BIZARRE NEWS.....

Bizarre Holidays FEBRUARY

February is... National Blah Buster Month,
February is... International Twit Award Month,
February 1 is... Serpent Day
February 3 is... Cordova Ice Worm Day
February 4 is... Create A Vacuum Day

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Making a Good Festival Takes Balls

ICELAND - If you're a ram in Iceland, than thousands of people are lusting for your balls.

The Icelandic delicacy known as ram's testicles has become so popular that meat packers
are suffering a shortage of these tasty nuts. Reports say that the shortage comes at a bad
time, as the country prepares to celebrate a four-week long Viking festival known as
"Thorria," when citizens feast on lots of testicles.

Not just a treat for adults, kindergarten students are nuts for the balls and enjoy pickling them
in a salty brine and eating them with toothpicks.

If meat packers can get their hands on a few more ram nuts, the festival will be a success
and everyone will have a ball.

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Zoo Trips Costing Just an Arm, No Leg

MADRID, Spain - When an establishments puts up a sign warning of possible dangers,
there's a reason for it. A 54-year-old woman learned the hard way when she visited a
Spanish zoo while on a tourist venture.

Avoiding signs that warned the public not to reach into the animal pens, the woman climbed
up a three-meter high barrier, stuck her fingers inside a lion cage and, consequently, had her
arm ripped off.

Local media said the England native, who had been at the park with a group of other British
visitors, was airlifted to a hospital nearby.

As a lesson to all, when the sign says "Don't Feed The Lions," that includes body parts.

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100 Heads in a Duffle Bag

INDIA - Ever see that comedy starring Joe Pesci called "Eight Heads in a Duffle Bag?" Well,
those kinds of concepts are only humorous when they are fictional.

An Indian man was arrested after authorities discovered he was carrying over 100 human
skulls in a duffle bag of his own. Police said he claimed the remains were to be used by
Buddhist monks in religious ceremonies.

The 25-year-old man had collected the skulls from burning pyres in the city of Gaya in the
neighboring state of Bihar. Many believe that carrying skulls is hardly an offense and should
be considered nothing to lose your head over.

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Some Killers Are Nuts, Literally

AUSTRALIA - When you receive an organ transplant, you get everything that comes along
with it.

A man who underwent a liver transplant developed a life-threatening allergy to nuts from his
new organ. Doctors say the liver had come from a 15-year-old boy who died of an
anaphylactic reaction to peanuts.

Since doctors failed to inform the 60-year-old man, a handful of cashews almost killed him
after severe vomiting, dizziness, blurred vision and a tightened throat overwhelmed him.

Had he been eating coconuts, he might have been killed.

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Gross Mail Kicks Up Lawsuit

HOUSTON, TX. - Imagine a giant package comes to your door, and you're expecting a
gourmet gift inside, but instead you find your dead dad's leg. Such was the case for a terrified
Alaskan woman who was expecting a "LobsterGram," not a limb of her deceased father.

LaMara Lane is suing Identigene Inc. for $1 million for breach of contract and mental anguish.

The DNA testing facility claims it was only following orders from a North Dakota judge when it
shipped the leg to Lane. The whole mix-up started when DNA testing was done to determine
if Lane was the daughter of the deceased.

After this incident, Lane may never be able to eat shellfish, open her mail or buy a pair of
pants again.

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Something Sweet.....

A group of students were asked to list what they thought were the present Seven Wonders of
the World. Though there was some disagreement,

the following got the most votes:

1. Egypt's Great Pyramids

2. Taj Mahal

3. Grand Canyon

4. Panama Canal

5. Empire State Building

6. St. Peter's Basilica

7. China's Great Wall

While gathering the votes, the teacher noted that one quiet student hadn't turned in her paper
yet. So she asked the girl if she was having trouble with her list. The girl replied, "Yes, a little.
I couldn't quite make up my mind because there were so many." The teacher said, "Well, tell
us what you have, and maybe we can help." The girl hesitated, then read, "I think the Seven
Wonders of the World are:

1. to touch

2. to taste

3. to see

4. to hear

She hesitated a little, and then added,

5. to feel

6. to laugh

7. and to love

The room was so full of silence you could have heard a pin drop.

Those things we overlook as simple and "ordinary" are truly wondrous.

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DDL

There once was a girl in Kuwait
Who had the desire to mate.
When her abaya did flutter,
The mullas would shudder;
She had, not a box, but a crate.

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"Teenaged boys already know everything. When a boy reaches 13 years of age, the
Knowledge Fairy comes around and inserts into his brain all the information in the entire
universe. From that point on, he no longer needs any parental guidance. All he needs is
parental money."
--Dave Barry

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"I had to watch how they shower and how they fill out restraining orders."
--Comedian ROB SCHNEIDER jokes about how he prepared to play an 18-year-old
schoolgirl in the movie THE HOT CHICK.

***

"I think a secure profession for young people is history teacher, because in the future, there
will be so much more of it to teach."
--Bill Muse

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Rotten News.... (true)

Thursday, 19 December, 2002, 11:52 GMT
Afghans ban 'obscene' TV

Afghanistan's Supreme Court has banned cable television stations in the eastern city of
Jalalabad because they have been showing films it considers un-Islamic.

The court ruled that cable operators were showing "obscene" Western and Indian films and
said they were totally against Islam, Afghan culture and the spirit of jihad (holy war).

The governor of Nangahar province - of which Jalalabad is the capital - has ordered the
security services to implement the ruling immediately.

The court also directed state-run local radio and television not to broadcast any programme
deemed to be against Islam and Afghan culture.

Television in Afghanistan was restarted in January after a total ban - imposed by the
country's former Taleban rulers - took it off the air for almost five years.

In August, officials in Kabul banned Indian films from being shown on mainstream television
and ruled that radio must not broadcast women singing.

But their popularity had continued on the country's small but emerging cable television
network.

Indian films, with their mix of melodrama, romance and songs have become hugely popular
since the fall of the Taleban, who banned music and television.

Moves to censor some material from the broadcast media have been seen as a sign of the
continuing struggle for influence between Islamists and moderates.

Media restrictions are a sensitive issue for the government, which has generally followed a
more liberal course following Taleban rule under which public music and television were
banned.

Ironically, Indian films and images of women singing are regularly shown in Kandahar, the
deeply conservative former Taleban stronghold, and until now, the films and programmes
have been widely watched in Jalalabad.

There are still very few television sets in Afghanistan and only a handful of Afghans are able
to afford one.

The national network, Television Afghanistan, has been regarded as being at the forefront of
liberalism.

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Anglers carp over fishy theft

OTSU -- Something fishy is afoot in Shiga Prefecture -- an unknown thief has stolen nearly all
the inhabitants of a fishing farm for anglers, police said.

About 5,000 crucian carp weighing about 5 tons and valued at some 5 million yen, as well as
roughly 50 decorative carp, were trawled up from the fishing farm and whisked away,
probably some time last weekend.

"I've heard of hatcheries being raided before, but I've never heard of so many fish being
stolen at the same time," a police officer said.

Police said a 2-meter-high wire fence surrounds the fishing farm located in the Shiga
Prefecture city of Otsu.

Getting into the farm is easy, though. The chain on its gates is never locked and anglers need
only lift the chain up to gain entry.

While there, anglers can fish to their hearts' content while being watched over by the farm's
caretaker. As of Thursday last week, the caretaker was not aware of any irregularities at the
farm.

When the caretaker arrived for work the following day, he noticed that the chain on the gate
was not hanging in its normal position, but thought nothing of it.

Farm operators only became aware that something untoward had happened on Monday's
holiday. Visitors began complaining that they were unable to catch anything though the ponds
were supposed to have been deliberately filled with fish to make it easy for them to snare.

Operators then reported the missing fish to the police.

Though there is a camping ground nearby, few non-anglers go near the farm. (Mainichi
Shimbun, Jan. 15, 2003)

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Note: This story was published about the late space-shuttle Columbia before the crash. No
disrespect is intended...

Shuttle Astronauts Experiment with Wee Bit of Art
Wed January 29, 2003 08:46 AM ET
By Barbara Johnson

CAPE CANAVERAL, Fla. (Reuters) - Working with students for 15 years has taught
awarding-winning high school teacher Ed Galindo that toilet humor is a sure-fire way of
getting attention.

Thus was born "Fun With Urine," the wackiest of more than 80 experiments on the space
shuttle Columbia's 16-day science mission scheduled to end on Saturday.

The experiment, sponsored by Native American students from the Shoshone-Bannock Indian
Reservation in rural Idaho, tackles a serious problem for the future of human space flight:
how to combat depression in long-term space voyagers, Galindo said on Tuesday.

The solution the students are testing on Columbia is art therapy and, more particularly,
painting with urine-based paints.

"To get the students' attention, you have to get them out of their comfort zone sometimes,"
said Galindo, Idaho's Science Teacher of the Year.

Urine was chosen as a component of the paint because it is naturally recurring resource that
would allow for an endless supply of paint for a trip, say, to Mars. For color, the students
learned from tribal elders about pigments from berries and plants, all approved by NASA for
space flight.

Students interviewed psychologists about potential for depression on long space flights,
studied the experiences of submariners and astronauts and learned the physics of paint and
the chemistry of urine.

"It isn't just a science class where you learn just about one science topic. We look at things
more holistically, where art is related to science and chemistry is related to art," said Galindo.

Students painted various objects with the urine-based paint and the shuttle's astronauts are
monitoring them to see if the paint degrades in space.

Like all experiments, this one has had to overcome its share of unforeseen glitches. The first
occurred when word spread on the reservation about the experiment and unsolicited urine
donations began pouring in.

"I had all these people wanting to donate and I had almost 30 gallons (114 liters) in my lab,"
Galindo said. "I think they just wanted their urine up in space and they thought it was the
thing to do."