Daily Dose - 030329 - Psychiatry and Proctology, BIZARRE NEWS, Out of the mouths of
babes, Palm Sunday, DDL, Rotten News
Two doctors opened offices in a small town and put up a sign reading "Dr, Smith and Dr
Jones, Psychiatry and Proctology".
The town fathers were not too happy with the sign and they proposed "Hysterias and
Posteriors".
The Doctors didn't like that idea, and suggested "Schizoids and Hemorrhoids".
The town didn't like that one either and countered with "Catatonics and High Colonics".
Thumbs down again. By now the story was in the papers and suggestions began rolling in:
"Manic-depressives and Anal-retentives."
"Minds and Behinds".
"Freaks and Cheeks"
"Loons and Moons".
None of these satisfied one side or the other, but they finally settled on "Dr Smith & Dr Jones,
Odds & Ends"
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BIZARRE NEWS.....
Bizarre Sports FACTS
At Jack Russell Stadium in Clearwater, Florida, on June 26, 1985, organist Wilbur Snapp
played "Three Blind Mice" following a call by umpire Keith O'Connor. The umpire was not
amused, and saw to it that Mr. Snapp was ejected from the game.
Baseball rules were codified in 1846 by Alexander Cartwright of the Knickerbocker Baseball
Club.
Golfers use an estimated $800 million worth of golf balls annually.
In 1905, 18 men died from injuries sustained on the football field. President Theodore
Roosevelt stepped in and instituted safety measures to make the game safer.
The 'huddle' in football was formed due to a deaf football player who used sign language to
communicate and his team didn't want the opposition to see the signals he used and in turn
huddled around him.
The high jump method of jumping head first and landing on the back is called the Fosbury
Flop.
Until the 1870s, baseball was played without the use of gloves.
********
Did He Think They Wouldn't See It?
STROUDSBURG, Penn. - A Pennsylvanian man had his car towed after he was arrested for
drunk driving. The man wanted his car back, so he had a friend drive him to the towing
service where he could retrieve it.
When he got there the car was still hooked on to the back of the tow truck. Noticing that the
keys were still in the truck, the man decided to steal the rig and drive it home.
He was caught and has pleaded guilty to a number of charges. He will be sentenced at the
end of this month.
*********
The Bogus Boy Scout
Anthony Herman and Sally Ann Gombocz of Bethlehem, Pa., were so desperate for money
they forced their 7-year-old son to dress as a Cub Scout and go door-to-door soliciting
donations for a bogus camping trip.
The Allentown Morning Call says the couple told District Justice James Stocklas their
landscaping business was a failure and they stooped to a stupid act of desperation.
The child ultimately knocked on 150 doors -- in January -- and collected $667. The parents,
who admitted spending the money, face theft and corruption of a minor charges but still have
custody of the child.
**********
When Life Throws You a Scurve Ball
NEW YORK - If you ever needed a reminder to eat your fruits and vegetables, this story does
the trick.
A young college student has been living on a diet of cheese, crackers, soda, cookies,
chocolate and water.
The result of such poor eating habits? Scurvy. That's right, scurvy.
Due to a lack of vitamin C, he contracted the disease characterized by bleeding gums, loose
teeth, muscle degeneration and weakness. Such a result is to be expected when a normal
vitamin C intake per day is 90 milligrams and only .1 milligram is actually taken.
After only a few days of multivitamin and a vitamin C supplement, his condition cleared up
and there was no need for an eyepatch, peg-leg or shoulder parrot.
***********
I'd Rather Be... Having An Abortion
CHARLESTON, S.C. - Some people like to make political statements by using specially
tagged license plates for their car. Now, one lawmaker said he has a compromise for the
debate over "Choose Life" license plates for South Carolina. His idea is for people to have
the opportunity to have their plates read "Choose Death."
According to State Rep. John Graham Altman, the proposed bill is simply a reaction to the
abortionists.
"They're pro-choice. Well, they've got a choice - whether to buy (the tag) or not."
However, members of Planned Parenthood say that Altman is missing the point; the debate
is over the first amendment, not abortion.
Perhaps ethical debates are better left off of automobiles.
***********
Club Flipper Flips Out
NORWAY - The streets are filled with all sorts of dangerous people: muggers, rapists,
murderers, jugglers... at least in Norway, anyway.
A mentally disturbed 21-year-old man has finally been taken off the streets after he dropped a
club he was juggling and threw it into a passing woman's head. The victim claimed that the
attacker threw the blunt object as hard as he could, which landed her a trip to the hospital.
Before this bizarre incident, others have been spit on, cursed at and club-targeted as they
passed this man who believes his hands are under the control of masked men.
Police considered putting him back on the streets, but they didn't think he could handle it.
__________________________________
Out of the mouths of babes...
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my
four-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds.
She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes,
walkers and wheelchairs.
One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for
the inevitable barrage of
questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"
____________________________
It was Palm Sunday and Sue's five-year-old son had to stay home from church, with a
neighbor, because he was sick.
When the family returned home carrying palm branches, he asked what they were for.
His mother explained, "People held them over Jesus' head as he walked by."
"Wouldn't you know it," the boy said, "The one Sunday I don't go, Jesus shows up!"
_____________________________
DDL
When they probed a young woman named Kannel,
Who complained she felt choked in her channel,
They found shoehorns and spoons,
Twelve busted balloons,
And twenty-two yards of red flannel.
_____________________________
"You know when you're sitting on a chair and you lean back so you're just on two legs then
you lean too far and you almost fall over but at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like
that all the time."
-Steven Wright
***
"At first I thought my life was going around in circles. Then I took a closer look and realized
it's actually a downward spiral."
-Tom Ryan
***
"The English are not very spiritual people, so they invented cricket to give them some idea of
eternity."
-George Bernard Shaw
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Rotten News... (true)
Childless turn to meals of testicles
From correspondents in Taipei
January 04, 2003
MOUSE testicles have reportedly become a hot seller in Taiwan since five infertile couples
said they conceived after eating dishes containing the organs.
The craze took hold after a bulldozer driver in the southern county of Pingtung and his wife
conceived their long-awaited baby about a month ago, the United Daily News said.
The couple had previously consulted western medical doctors but were not given the cause
of their infertility, the paper said.
The man, identified as Hsueh Ting-fu, and his wife first learned that the mouse testicles were
helpful to fertility two months ago when they were taken by a friend to a local restaurant to
taste a dish made from the organs.
They then bought six kg of raw mouse testicles at the restaurant, which became part of their
daily meals until the pregancy was confirmed.
*******
Big 'pot' stash was only hay
January 24, 2003
BY CHRIS FUSCO STAFF REPORTER
Had it actually been marijuana, the three wise men might be viewed in a whole new light.
What Chicago police thought was more than $660,000 worth of dope in a pickup truck last
month turned out to be hay from a Roman Catholic church's nativity scene.
Prosecutors dropped felony drug charges Thursday against Jose Galvan, 43, and his co-
worker, Juan Luna, 21, after crime lab tests confirmed the mistake, said Jerry Lawrence,
spokesman for the Cook County state's attorney's office. The two remained at Cook County
Jail as federal immigration officials checked to see if they are in the country legally.
Also, Luna will appear in court Jan. 28 on an unrelated felony marijuana delivery charge he
thought had been dismissed, said attorney Peter Vilkelis, who is representing both men.
Chicago police got an anonymous tip on Dec. 30 that a major marijuana stash was being
moved in a truck that looked like the one Galvan was driving. After two officers pulled over
Galvan and Luna in the 3800 block of North Pulaski, two small plastic bags with crushed
green plants fell out of the cab, police spokesman Pat Camden said.
Police tests in the field showed those plants to be marijuana. Camden did not know if the
about 220 pounds worth of plants beneath the truck's liner were field-tested.
Galvan and Luna had been planning to haul the hay from St. Wenceslaus Roman Catholic
Church, where they are parishioners, back to a far south suburban horse farm where a friend
had loaned it to them, Vilkelis said. They were coming home from work in Skokie when they
were arrested.
"Somebody must have seen these two big bales, saw the men were Mexican and made an
assumption," Vilkelis said.
"These guys were treated like they were cartel drug traffickers," he added. "Once we finally
secure their release, we will be talking to a civil rights lawyer."
********
One Kuwaiti prepares to cash in from war fears
JACK FAIRWEATHER IN KUWAIT
THE threat of war against Iraq has left many Kuwaitis fearful as their country is turned into a
vast American military camp, but there are others in Kuwait who are not averse to making a
fast buck out of the approaching conflict.
One such man is Abdul Samad, who sells American military vehicles known as the humvee
to worried Kuwaitis looking for a safe way of leaving the country should airports close in the
event of war.
The heavily armoured humvee is already a favourite with the likes of Arnold Schwarzenegger.
It is fast becoming the vehicle of choice for wealthy war-wary Kuwaitis.
Dubbed the "humvee king" Samad is steadily amassing a private fortune trading in the
vehicle used by American forces for transport and reconnaissance and capable of tackling
Kuwait's rugged desert terrain.
"I simply love war," he confessed. "At the end of the first Gulf war I made a lot of money
selling old American uniforms to returning Kuwaitis. Now that Kuwaitis are thinking about
leaving the country they want humvees.
"They want the high performance and they like the look," he said. With fleets of US army
humvees regularly sighted throughout the country as 62,000 soldiers deploy in the Gulf
region it is not difficult to understand the appeal to concerned or image-conscious Kuwaitis.
But at $35,000 (£21,000) for each vehicle, it is an investment for only the most desperate of
Kuwaitis.
As Samad revealed, however, he is also doing a roaring trade in flak jackets and chemical
and biological tents, "anything to make your stay in Kuwait more comfortable".
Samad is not the only Kuwaiti who is enjoying the heightened tensions in the country.
Kuwait's stock market last week reached an all time high and prices on the border with Iraq
are steadily increasing as investors look forward to a short war and the opening up of Iraqi
markets.