Daily Dose - 030322 - COYOTE CONTROL, BIZARRE NEWS, electric clock, DDL, Rotten
News
COYOTE CONTROL
A few years ago, the Sierra Club and the U.S. Forest Service were presenting an alternative
to Wyoming ranchers for controlling the coyote population. It seems that after years of the
ranchers using the tried and true methods of shooting and/or trapping the predator, the tree-
huggers had a "more humane" solution.
What they proposed was for the animals to be captured alive, the males castrated and let
loose again and the population would be controlled. This was ACTUALLY proposed to the
Wyoming Wool and Sheep Grower's Association by the Sierra Club and the USFS.
All of the ranchers thought about this amazing idea for a couple of minutes. Finally, an old
man in the back stood up, tipped his hat back and said, "Son, I don't think you understand the
problem. Those coyotes ain't fuckin' our sheep - they're eatin' 'em."
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BIZARRE NEWS....
Bizarre Earth Science FACTS
Challenger Deep is the deepest spot in the ocean. It is 35,813 feet deep. If you cut Mound
Everest off at sea level and put it on the ocean bottom in the Challenger Deep, there would
still be over a mile of water at the top.
Antarctica is the coldest, windiest and highest continent anywhere on earth. The sun rises
and sets only ONCE A YEAR in the Antarctic, which means there are six months of daylight,
followed by six months of darkness.
The Dead Sea is almost six times as salty as the ocean. Nothing lives in it. Fish that swim
into it are instantly killed. But humans don't, and because of the high concentration of
dissolved mineral salts in the water it's density is higher than fresh water, which in turn makes
the human body more buoyant in the water. In short, you would bob up and down like a cork
in the Dead Sea.
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Under Croc and Key
AKRON, Ohio - For safety, many people purchase guard dogs to protect their homes and
belongings. One Ohio drug-dealer ditched the traditional dog idea and went with two boa
constrictors and a four-foot alligator to guard his combination safe.
Police carefully removed the animals to gain access to Arlander Ables' heavily guarded safe.
What did Ables keep hidden in his reptile-protected metal box? About 50 pornographic
photos.
Apparently the nudie pics were more valuable to the owner than the 5 grams of crack and 7
grams of marijuana police found not guarded by slithering cold-bloods.
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Drunk Driving For Beginners
AUSTRALIA - The smart thing to do if you've had a little too much to drink is find yourself a
designated driver to make sure you get home safely. The not-so-smart thing to do is to make
that designated driver your five-year-old son.
A 37-year-old drunken mother had her youngest son man the wheel while she operated the
pedals. The result was a devastating crash that injured the mother and her two sons when
the car hit a tree, hurtled down an embankment and threw all three passengers from the car.
The mother's condition was the most severe with back and neck injuries and facial
lacerations.
Her youngest son suffered a broken hand and the other sustained only minor injuries. No
further brain damage was reported on the woman.
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You're Breaking My Balls
INDIA - If you take a look at the latest edition of the Guinness Book of World Records, you
will find that some people have performed extremely weird and painful acts just to get their
names in the book.
Bibhuti Bhushan Nayak is no exception. The 34-year-old fitness expert claimed to have made
his mark after three concrete blocks were smashed on his groin, defeating the previous
record of two.
His inspiration came from a karate expert he met in Japan who used his mind to perform
extraordinary physical feats by numbing his nerves to any kind of pain.
For his next feat, Nayak plans to break 50 baseball bats with his knee. His record would be a
great story for his grandchildren, but he may have already eliminated any possibility of that
happening.
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Hostage Hoax
COPENHAGEN - "We have been taken hostage by two children. Hurry. Help us after the
beep. Now!"
This is the message a Danish family left on their answering machine - all in good fun, of
course.
But friends and family didn't get the joke. Instead they alerted authorities that the family was
in trouble.
In turn, an anti-terrorism squad raided the family's home. Police blocked off the area,
bombarded the house and soon found it was a false alarm.
Apparently the confusion was caused by misinterpretation of the message. Friends thought
the message said, "We have been taken hostage WITH two children."
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Dead Body Dump
HONG KONG - The University of Hong Kong, Hong Kong's top university, apologized to
police for sending them on a wild goose chase after they accidentally dumped human body
parts in a landfill.
Workers in the landfill found three lower torsos, three right legs, two thighs and a left foot last
week.
Police discovered that the body parts had been injected with formaldehyde and traced them
to the university. Lam Shiu-kam, a professor and dean of medicine, said the body parts were
used by the faculty for research.
The parts were then left behind when the department moved to a new building. When the
building was being demolished the parts were mistaken for construction waste.
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A blonde called in a repairman to fix her electric clock.
He examined it and told her, "There's nothing wrong with the clock. You didn't have it
plugged in."
She replied, "I don't want to waste electricity, so I only plug it in when I want to know what
time it is."
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DDL
Said a miserly peer at the Abbey,
"I fear I shall look rather shabby,
For I've replaced my ermine.
Infested with vermin,
With the fur of my dear defunct tabby."
_________________________________
"The Internet is an amazing communications tool that's bringing the whole world together. I
mean, you sit down to sign on to America Online in your hometown, and it's just staggering to
think that at the same moment, halfway around the world, in China, someone you've never
met is sitting at their computer, hearing the exact same busy signal that you're hearing."
--Dennis Miller
***
"Every night I tell myself, 'I'm going to dream about my girl, I'm going to dream about my girl.'
But it's always ham hocks."
--320 pound NFL player Nate Newton
***
"Once while walking through the mall a guy came up to me and said 'Hey, how's it going?'. So
I grabbed his arm and twisted it up behind his back and said 'Now whose asking the
questions?'"
--Jack Handey
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Rotten News... (true)
Updated Dec. 24, 2002, 3:33 p.m. ET
Man sings his way out of parking ticket
COLUMBIA, Tenn. (AP) — Clifford Jones thought he'd be paying up when he went to traffic
court last week.
Instead, he sang his way out of a fine.
He was among about 55 traffic violators who were given the opportunity to avoid a ticket by
caroling.
"I'm a little shy, but not about saving a dollar. It was a pretty good Christmas present," said
Jones, who sang "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer."
City Judge Tom DuBois followed a three-year tradition on the last court date before
Christmas. Violators who sang a carol and donated five canned goods to the Harvest Food
Share had their tickets dismissed with no points put on their driving record.
"This is a good day to come to court," police officer Kenneth Lovet told the group. "I hope you
like to sing."
Fines and court costs were waived in cases of speeding and running stop signs. Some
violations were still assessed, including seat belt violations or child safety restrictions.
Donald Hatler, who sang "Jingle Bells," didn't expect the early Christmas gift.
"It was a little embarrassing," Hatler said. "I don't have the best singing voice in the world, but
it was worth it."
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Woman Alleges Surgeon Carved 'UK' Into Her Uterus
Accuser, Her Husband File Suit
Posted: 2:25 p.m. EST January 24, 2003
LEXINGTON, Ky. -- A Kentucky doctor is being sued for allegedly showing a little too much
school spirit.
A woman claims her doctor branded the letters 'U' and 'K' into her uterus before removing it
during a routine hysterectomy.
He's a University of Kentucky graduate. Stephanie Means and her husband, David, filed the
suit Wednesday in Fayette County Circuit Court. Means claims that the doctor, who is from
Lexington, used a cauterizing instrument to intentionally brand the 4- to 5-centimeter letters
on her uterus.
The doctor videotaped the operation and gave a copy to Means and her husband.
The lawsuit says the tape clearly shows the doctor use a cauterizing instrument to carve the
letters into her uterus before removing it.
David Means claims he has suffered a loss of companionship with his wife because of the
incident.
The couple's lawyer says he's meeting with another woman who claims the doctor did the
same thing to her.
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Busty stripper's inflated assets too taxing
[Stockholm, January 14] - A Swedish stripper has discovered that taxes can't be deflated by
inflating your chest: she has lost a three-year legal battle to deduct the cost of her breast
implants from her income tax.
An appeals court in Stockholm upheld a lower court's ruling - saying that the 25-year-old
woman's breast-enhancement surgery - which cost 26 000 krone (about R25 200) - could not
be deducted from her income taxes in 1998.
The woman claimed the "size and shape" of her breasts were crucial to her income as a
stripper. She listed the cost of the surgery as a business expense and sued the tax
authorities when they rejected her deduction.
On January 9 the administrative court of appeal in the Swedish capital rejected her claims. It
said the surgery was private, not commercial.
On Tuesday Christer Transby, the woman's lawyer, said the courts had treated his client
unfairly because of her profession. He said other performers, including opera singers and
dancers, were permitted deductions for different types of cosmetic surgery, although the
benefits were more private than commercial.
"She derives absolutely no pleasure from [the surgery] privately," he said. "It's of 100 percent
commercial interest."
Transby said his client had not yet decided whether to appeal.
Danish tax authorities turned down a similar appeal by a stripper in 2001.
[Sapa-AP]