Daily Dose - 030319 - BUBBA & THE LAWYER, BIZARRE NEWS, Lying idiot, DDL, Rotten
News
BUBBA & THE LAWYER
Bubba called his attorney and asked, "Is it true they're suing the cigarette companies for
causing people to get cancer?"
"Yes, Bubba, sure is true," responded the lawyer.
"And now someone is suing the fast food restaurants for making them fat and clogging their
arteries with all them burgers and fries, is that true mister lawyer?"
"Sure is Bubba. But why you asking?"
"Cause what I want to know is, I was thinking' can I sue Budweiser for all the ugly women I've
slept with?"
_________________________________
BIZARRE NEWS........
The Kids' Menu
BEIJING, China - In some instances, the line between bizarre and downright distasteful can
become blurred. However, due to the substance of Chinese artist Zhu Yu's demonstration,
the story must be told, regardless of audience perception.
Yu is attempting to convey some sort of artistic expression in a documentary in which he
bites into the body of a stillborn human infant.
In his own defense, Yu says, "No religion forbids cannibalism. Nor can I find any law which
prevents us from eating people."
In case this spectacle doesn't catch your attention, the program will feature another man
drinking wine that has been marinating an amputated penis.
Bizarrely enough, a station has actually agreed to show portions of the gruesome event.
********
"What keys? I don't have any keys?"
Suffolk County police say Arthur Dalke, 34, of Long Island, N.Y., nearly backed his car into a
police cruiser -- which wouldn't have been so bad if the man hadn't had seven drunken
driving convictions under his belt.
Officer Anthony Dieguez told the New York Post Dalke was driving slowly in reverse while
chatting with a pedestrian, paying no attention to oncoming traffic -- or the officer's squad.
When Dieguez tried to apprehend Dalke, he sped away, allegedly pulled into a parking lot,
slid into the passenger seat, tossed his car keys out the window and denied ever driving the
vehicle.
********
Drive-By Roasting
According to a report made Christmas Day, one man has found a fast, new and efficient way
to cook a turkey if you're running late.
Josh Harper overslept on the holiday and was in charge of cooking the Christmas bird.
Pressed for time, Harper decided to wrap his turkey up, along with some vegetables, in silver
foil and place it on the engine of his car as he drove the 90 miles to his girlfriend's house.
What seemed like a far-fetched idea turned into a piping hot meal that was ready to eat when
he arrived.
Harper commented, "I couldn't believe how well it worked. The spuds were a little firm, but the
turkey was done to a treat."
While it worked for Harper, making dinner on your car engine is not recommended.
________________________________
The judge asked the defendant to please stand. "You are charged with murdering a school
teacher with a chain saw."
From out in the gallery, a man shouts, "Lying idiot!"
"Silence in the court!" the Judge says to the man who shouted. He turns to be defendant and
says, "you are also charged with killing a paperboy with a shovel"
"Damn tightwad" the same man in the gallery blurted out
"I said QUIET!" yelled the judge. To the defendant, "you are also charged with killing a
mailman with an electric drill."
"You jackass!" the man from the gallery yelled.
The judge thundered at the man in the galley: "If you don't tell me right now the reasons for
your outbursts I'll hold you in contempt!"
The man answered back, "I've lived beside that prick now for ten years, but do you think he
ever had a tool when I needed to borrow one?!?
_________________________________
DDL
There was a young woman of Aenos
Who came to our party as Venus.
We told her how rude
'Twas to come there quite nude,
And we brought her a leaf from the greenh'us
_________________________________
"I remember when I was growing up, a tornado touched down in our neighborhood, uprooting
a large tree in the front yard and demolishing the house across the street. Dad went to the
door, opened it, surveyed the damage, muttered, 'Damn kids,' and closed the door."
-Tim Conway
***
"...idiots, imbeciles, aliens, the insane and women..."
- A law standing in Texas until 1918 regulating who could not vote.
***
Yogurt: Semi-solid dairy product made from partially evaporated and fermented milk. Yogurt
is one of only three foods that taste exactly the same as they sound. The other two are
goulash and squid.
________________________________
Rotten News... (true)
Posted on Fri, Dec. 20, 2002
Divorce guide author faces prison time
Associated Press
PHOENIX - The author of a book on how to keep from paying child support could be headed
for prison for being a deadbeat dad.
Robert H. Morrison pleaded guilty Wednesday in federal court to failing to support financially
a son born in 1990.
After his 10-year marriage ended in 1990, a court ordered Morrison to pay $850 a month in
support. But Arizona prosecutors said he moved to California, lived under assumed names,
didn't pay a dime and had no contact with his son. He was arrested in January after 9 1/2
years as a fugitive.
Morrison wrote the book "Divorce Dirty Tricks," which provides advice on avoiding child
support obligations.
He could get up to two years in prison and a $250,000 fine at sentencing March 10.
**********
Alleged Pubic Hair Pizza Prompts Lawsuit
Two Claim Pizza Topped With Pubic Hair
POSTED: 7:47 a.m. EST December 19, 2002
WATERTOWN, N.Y. -- Two people suing a Domino's Pizza claim they found pubic hair on
their pizza, and want DNA tested to prove it, a lawyer said.
Michael Widrick and Rhonda LaParr got small, wiry hairs stuck in their teeth as they bit into
their order last November, according to attorney Eric T. Swartz. They froze the pizza as
evidence, he said.
In a state Supreme Court lawsuit, the friends are suing Domino's and an employee for
$150,000 in each of two causes of action: emotional harm, anxiety, psychological and mental
distress; and negligence, Swartz said.
The two want DNA testing of the hair to see if it belongs to a store employee who had
previous conflicts with Widrick, Swartz said.
The Domino's franchise, owned by D.P. Team Utica Inc., agreed to allow the test, Swartz
said. He will seek a court order if the employee -- John Henderson -- does not provide a
sample for testing, Swartz said.
"I've been making and selling pizzas for 18 years, and nothing like this has ever happened,"
said Richard Pierce, owner of the store. The legal system will vindicate his business, Pierce
said. "This did not happen," he said.
State Supreme Court Judge Hugh A. Gilbert granted a default judgment against Henderson
after the employee did not answer allegations. Henderson subsequently got an attorney and
litigation will go forward, Swartz said Monday.
*********
Parents charged with dressing son as Cub Scout to get donations
By Associated Press, 1/23/2003 21:25
BETHLEHEM, Pa. (AP) Parents of a 7-year-old boy admitted scamming neighbors of nearly
$700 by dressing their son in a Cub Scouts uniform and going door-to-door seeking
donations for a nonexistent pack.
Anthony M. Herman, 46, and Sally Ann Gombocz, 45, of Bethlehem knocked on more than
150 doors between Jan. 7 and Jan. 18, collecting $667 as their son silently smiled, police
said.
Bethlehem police arrested the couple after receiving tips from neighbors. Both were charged
with theft by deception, corruption of minors, criminal conspiracy and related offenses.
The charges carry a maximum penalty of five years in prison and a $10,000 fine. No plea was
entered and a preliminary hearing was set for Jan. 31.
The couple told donors they were raising money for a camping trip for Cub Scout Pack 351,
which does not exist, police said. Herman and Gombocz acknowledged spending the
money, authorities said.
Michael Stempo, who has two sons who are Eagle Scouts, became suspicious when his wife
said the boy's neckerchief was knotted not held together with a Scout slide. Stempo also
said Boy Scouts do not solicit for money door-to-door, though they sometimes sell popcorn
or other items.