Daily Dose - 030311 - AIRPORT CUSTOMS, BIZARRE NEWS, stuffed turkey, DDL, Rotten
News

AIRPORT CUSTOMS

After an overnight flight to meet my father at his latest military assignment, my mother wearily
arrived at Rhein-Main Air Base in Germany with my eight siblings and me - all under age 11.
Collecting our many suitcases, the ten of us entered the cramped customs area.

A young customs official watched our entourage in disbelief, "Ma'am," he said, "do all these
children and this luggage belong to you?"

"Yes, sir," my mother said with a sigh. "They're all mine."

The customs agent began his interrogation: "Ma'am, do you have any weapons, contraband
or illegal drugs in your possession?"

"Sir," she calmly answered, "if I'd had any of those items, I would have used them by now."

The official allowed us to pass without opening a single suitcase.

___________________________

BIZARRE NEWS......

Bizarre Con-Artists

In 1872, veteran prospectors Philip Arnold and John Slack bought $35,000 worth of
diamonds in Europe and scattered them on land in Wyoming. They managed to convince the
Bank of San Francisco they had discovered a diamond field and made $700,000.

Starting in 1921, Oscar Merril Hartzell began a scam selling fake shares in the estate of Sir
Francis Drake. He contacted as many families as he could find with the surname Drake and
was eventually accused of defrauding 270,000 people. The hoax netted him over $2,000,000.

When J. Bam Morrison arrived at Wetumka, Oklahoma in 1950, he claimed to be the
advance publicity man for Bohn's United Circus, which, he maintained, was due to hit town in
three weeks. He allegedly sold advertising space to local traders... for a circus that didn't
exist.

By forging signatures, James Addison Reavis was able to claim he was the legal owner of
17,000 square miles of Arizona. The enterprise raked in $300,000 a year until he was
arrested in 1895 and he was sentenced to six years in prison.

Joseph Weill, who inspired the movie "The Sting," rented abandoned banks and convinced
businessmen that he had set up a genuine bank. He waited for them to deposit large sums of
money before shutting down and moving on to the next town. This,plus some of his other
scams, earned him over $6,000,000.

********

Indian 'Ghost' Gets Stoned

POOVAM, India - Imagine returning home after being gone for a couple of days and instead
of being met with the love of your friends and neighbors you are repeatedly pelted by large
rocks thrown by those friends and neighbors.

That's what happened to Ravindran. He went back home several days after his village
thought he was dead.

Thinking he had hung himself days earlier, startled villagers couldn't believe their eyes and
thought the man they saw was not Ravindran but his ghost. Police say the an who hung
himself was mistakenly identified as Ravindran before the body was handed over to the
family to be cremated.

So the next time you think you have a ghost problem, who you gonna call?

**********

What Are The Odds?

ENGLAND - For those who enjoy gambling, it's always a good idea to check out what the
odds are. So, in case you planned on betting that Michael Jackson will have a full head
transplant next year, just know that the odds are 500/1 against you.

Bookmakers William Hill are taking bets now, and feel pretty confident, that Jackson's
transplant is about as likely to occur as someone finding Elvis Presley alive.

Some other unique bets being offered include 10/1 that Britney Spears will become pregnant,
14/1 that England will win the Cricket World Cup and 7/2 that Elizabeth Hurley and Hugh
Grant will wed.

It will be interesting to see the look on their faces as they shell out the winnings when Jacko
gets his new head.

_____________________________

One year at Thanksgiving my mom went to my sister's house for the traditional feast.
Knowing how gullible my sister was, mom decided to play a trick. She told my sister that she
needed something from the store and sent her for it.

While she was gone, my mom took the turkey out of the oven, unstuffed it, restuffed it with a
Cornish game hen, put stuffing back over the top of it, and put it back in the oven.

When it came time for dinner, my sister pulled the turkey out of the oven and proceeded to
remove the stuffing. When her serving spoon hit something, she reached in and pulled out
this little bird.

With a look of total shock on her face, my mother exclaimed, "Patricia, you killed a pregnant
bird!!!!"

At the reality of this horrifying news, my sister started to cry. It took my mother two hours to
convince her that turkeys lay eggs.

___________________________

DDL

There is a young lady named Aird
Whose bottom is always kept bared;
When asked why, she pouts,
And says the Boy Scouts
All beg her to please Be Prepared.

____________________________

"I started a diet recently. I'm trying to get back to my original weight -- eight pounds, three
ounces."
--Cheril Vendetti

***

"My friend George walked his dog, all at once. He walked him from Boston to Ft. Lauderdale,
and said, 'Now you're done.'" --Steven Wright

***

I love to read those advice columns in the newspaper.

I read one this morning. It said, "What's the worst thing a wife can get on her twenty-fifth
wedding anniversary?"

And you know what the answer was? "Morning Sickness."

______________________________

Rotten News... (true)

Council weighs up DIY brothels
By Sean Nicholls
January 21 2003

Thousands of people in Sydney's inner-west could be free to turn their homes into a brothel -
as long as they don't advertise.

Under a controversial plan in front of Marrickville Council next month, prostitutes in the area
will no longer have to apply for development consent if they want to work from home.

South Sydney is the only council to have made such a change, which is aimed at gaining
tighter control over the largely invisible industry.

The NSW Department of Health supports the plan but Marrickville's independent councillor,
Morris Hanna, said he had collected 1500 signatures against it.

"Marrickville is a family area. We're not yet ready for this type of thing," he said.

Marrickville's Mayor, Barry Cotter, said residents' views on the plan would be sought.

"We recognise the concerns some residents may have about prostitution. This is a decision
the community has to make," he said.

Under the plan, only one prostitute would be allowed per home, a situation the sex industry
says would put workers at risk of assault from clients. Advertising - such as shining a red light
or blacking out windows - would be banned.

Brothels were legalised in NSW in 1995, but all councils except South Sydney require
prospective owners to lodge a development application, which is considered in light of local
planning laws.

Sex industry lobbyists say home-based prostitutes have been reluctant to seek council
approval for fear of rejection and to enrol in health and safety programs for fear of detection.

Maria McMahon, the manager of the Sex Workers Outreach Project, said she was "pleased,
but not overjoyed" by the proposal.

"Our aim was that it would have been extended to two persons for greater security," she said.

*********

Proboscis-picking poster gets up Orthodox noses

[Jerusalem, December 17] - Shas, Israel's Orthodox party, has filed a complaint against rival
groups - because their campaign posters show its spiritual leader, Rabbi Ovadia Yossef,
picking his nose. Haaretz, a daily newspaper, reported on the objection on Tuesday.

"This is a barbaric incitement to violence," Shas said in its complaint before the central
election commission, which is overseeing the general elections of January 28.

The poster, distributed by the United Arab List and the communist Hadash party also says:
"Rabbi Ovadia says all Arabs are snakes."

The allegation refers to a sermon, delivered by Ovadia last year, which he subsequently
qualified: he said he was only referring to terrorists.

Shas, a Sephardic Orthodox party, holds 17 seats of the 120 in the Knesset.

[Sapa-AFP]

*********

Beer shortage could drive Germans to drink
20 December 2002

BERLIN: German drinkers could be about to face their worst nightmare - a beer shortage.

The potential trickle in the supply of the nation's favourite tipple is due to new government
regulations restricting deposits of disposable cans and bottles which takes effect in January.
Retailers say it may mean there may not be enough beer in shops.

The government is imposing charges on non-reusable containers because it says the
percentage of recycled cans and bottles has fallen below a 72 percent minimum target set in
1997.

"We may not have enough beer available to meet the demand in January," Jan Holzweissig,
spokesman for the German retailers' association, told Reuters. "A lot of stores are planning to
remove beer and other drinks in disposable containers off their shelves next month because
of the new rules."

Shops don't have any room to store the empty cans and bottles, he added.

The government is introducing a deposit of 25 cents in January for small non-refillable cans
and bottles, and 50 cents for larger containers.

Deposits will be returned when the bottles and cans are returned. The measure is designed
to counter a growing trend towards non-reusable containers.

"Will there be enough beer?" asked Germany's best-selling daily in bold letters on its front
page on Thursday.

"Large retailers are planning to stop selling canned drinks altogether. It could mean that beer
in returnable bottles will be in short supply."

It's a scary thought for Germans.

Germany is the world's leading producer of beer with some 1,200 breweries nationwide
churning out 53 million hectolitres each year. Germans drink a per capita average of about
123 litres of beer annually, ranking them only just behind the Czech Republic and Ireland.

Beer is among the most important drinks in Germany, accounting for as much as half of the
daily intake of fluids for some people. It is not uncommon for workers to sip an ale during mid-
morning breaks or at lunch. Vending machines often have beer and the drink can be ordered
at fast-food restaurants.

The Aldi supermarket chain, a market leader in the discount sector, said they were planning
to stop selling non-reusable bottles and cans altogether.

"Until a reasonable solution to this problem is found, we're not going to sell any more drinks
in non-returnable cans or bottles," an Aldi spokeswoman said.

Environmental bodies say the measures support their campaign to clear three billion cans
and bottles from Germany's streets.