Daily Dose - 030304 - examination, BIZARRE NEWS, Boss of the Year, DDL, Rotten News
Maxine, the platinum blonde, reported for her final examination which consisted of Yes / No
answers.
She took her seat in the examination hall, stared at the question paper, and then in a bit of
inspiration, took a quarter out of her purse. She started tossing the coin and marking the
answer sheet "Yes" for heads and "N" for tails.
Within 30 minutes she was all done whereas the rest of the class was still sweating it out.
During the last few minutes of the exam period, Maxine frantically started flipping the coin
again.
The moderator, concerned about what she was doing, stopped by her desk and asked if she
was ok.
"Oh yes, I'm fine. I finished the exam a half hour ago--but," explaining the frantic coin tossing,
"I'm going back thru and checking my answers!"
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BIZARRE NEWS.....
Bizarre Christmas GIFTS
Cat Toilet Training Kit - For $99.95 this gadget will toilet train your cat within two weeks. It
comes with a training video.
Foldable Lamp - This lamp will fold and mold to any crevice you can think of.
Liqueur and Underwear Ensemble - Galliano liqueurs is selling Christmas spirits with
inspirational underwear.
Human Bones - You can purchase a real human arm and a leg for $515 or a full skeleton for
$2,000.
Bug-Zapping Wand - Combines tennis with killing bugs. Batteries not included.
Jack Daniels Barrel - A 500 pound barrel of Jack Daniel's whiskey for $7,500. Yields 5,160
shots.
Portable Toilet Handle - Allows you to go to the bathroom without ever touching the toilet.
*******
Dentist's Office Branches Out
SANTA CLARITA, Calif. - Some medical care specialists should be commended for going out
of their way to help patients in need. Many stay up late hours, sacrifice free time and even
climb trees to provide health care.
California dentist Dr. Ana Michel made a recent "tree call" to tree-sitter John Quigley to place
a temporary cap on a molar he broke while eating an energy bar.
Quigley has planted himself high up in the oak tree for 39 days to prevent its removal for road
expansion.
Dr. Michel climbed the 46 feet up the tree to help out the needy protestor. Luckily for Quigley,
some dentists are willing to climb the extra mile for their patients.
*********
Pot For Teacher
HOLYOKE, Mass. - It's always a good idea for a child to give a present to their teacher
around the holidays to show their appreciation.
This year, a 4-year-old girl brought her teacher a small bag of marijuana.
When teacher Iris Galvez asked the toddler where she got the gift from, she said it was
obtained "from her mommy."
When authorities asked Shelin Colon if she was aware of her daughter's possession of the
contraband she said she didn't have any drugs in the house and had no clue where the child
got the marijuana.
A report of suspected child abuse or neglect has been filed with Social Services.
Note to all students: Bringing your teacher pot will not get you higher grades.
_________________________________
At an annual Bosses Night dinner for Helena, Mont., lawyers, sponsored by legal secretaries,
it was time to announce the Boss of the Year.
The master of ceremonies began: "First of all, our winner is a graduate of the University of
Montana. So that already eliminates some of you as candidates. "Our winner also is a partner
in a downtown Helena law firm. That eliminates some more of you. "Our nominee is honest,
upright, dedicated..."
A voice from the audience cut in: "Well, there go the rest of us!"
________________________________
DDL
A young lady of fair Aberdeen,
Drank gallons of boiling caffeine.
Kept needing the loo
Oh! What a to do!
Inspired, dug a handy latrine.
________________________________
"The amount of sleep required by the average person is about five minutes more."
-Max Kauffmann
***
"I adore adverbs; they are the only qualifications I really much respect."
-Henry James
***
"My mother's menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it."
--Buddy Hackett
____________________________
Rotten News... (true)
Women Arrested For Sex Acts In Downtown Window
Crowd Yelled 'Boo!' When Officers Stopped Show
POSTED: 11:10 a.m. CST January 27, 2003
MADISON, Wis. -- Madison police arrested two women early Saturday for allegedly engaging
in sexual acts for display.
Amy J. Williams, 23, of Michigan., and Meagan E. Kleinheinz, 22, of Madison, are both
charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, police said.
Officers were on foot patrol in the 500 block of State Street around 2:40 a.m. when they saw
a large crowd in front of a storefront window, watching two females who were directly in front
of the window, with the lights on, engaging in sexual acts for display, police said.
Williams was not wearing any clothing, except for her pants, which were around her ankles,
police said.
When the officers tried to stop the show, the crowd booed and the women told police they
didn't do anything wrong, according to police.
*********
Potter lookalikes cause problems in politics
Updated 20 January 2003, 18.29
Dobby the house-elf could be taken to court because some people think he looks like the
Russian president.
They are angry because they think the filmmakers deliberately modelled Dobby on the face of
Russia's boss, Vladimir Putin.
A Russian newspaper has even reported lawyers are preparing a legal case against the
special effects people who created Dobby.
But so far there's not been an official comment on the matter from the president.
Dobby, who first appears in Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, is not the most
attractive of characters. He's a funny green colour, skinny and has massive ears.
And it's not just in Russia that Potter lookalikes are causing a stir.
A top politician in the Netherlands is constantly being teased for looking like Harry Potter
himself!
Jan Peter Balkenende, who's the leader of the Christian Democrat party, has had to get used
to being compared to the boy wizard.
He's even posed with a photo of Daniel Radcliffe to show he doesn't mind the jokes.
*********
INDUCED SO DADDY CAN PLAY LIVERPOOL Wright in row over 'diary birth'
By Jan Disley
GOALKEEPER Richard Wright's wife had her baby induced so he would not miss Everton's
derby match against arch-rivals Liverpool this weekend.
The £4.5million star, who was signed in the summer, was keen not to miss his first
Merseyside clash - or the birth.
So doctors gave his wife Kelly an injection to make the couple's daughter Bo arrive a week
early. Wright had no regrets, but he came under fire from childbirth experts.
The National Childbirth Trust's ante-natal tutor, Mary Nolan, said: "To induce a birth for the
sake of a football match seems unnecessary and exposes the mother to risks she may not
have had in a natural birth. In the vast majority of cases the safest thing to do is let nature
take its course."
London-based obstetrician Donald Gibbs, who has helped deliver footballers' babies said:
"This certainly sounds like a diary birth. I have been asked to induce births but personally I
believe in a natural birth wherever possible. There are risks associated with inducing birth."
England international Wright, 25, said defiantly: "I just didn't want to miss any games. The
birth was always planned around football and so that all the family could be up here with us."
Everton manager David Moyes said: "Wife and baby are doing fine and we're all very pleased
for him."