Daily Dose - 030303 - wolf pelt, This Is True, personals column, DDL, Rotten News
Mike and Bill, are hanging out in the lone bar in a one-horse town in northern Idaho, when a
local rancher walks in carrying a wolf pelt.
"Good work!" says the bartender. He pops the cash register open, pulls out a wad of bills, and
counts them out into the rancher's outstretched hand.
After the rancher leaves, Mike asks the bartender, "What was that all about?"
The barkeep says, "Haven't you boys heard? We got us a real wolf problem in these parts,
and the county ain't done a thing about it. Why, just last week, a pack of the damn
varmintscome onta my property and laid waste t'my chicken coop. Ol' Man Miller down the
road even lost four of his cattle to the bloodthirsty beasts! They're vicious, and they got no
fear-- and they gotta be stopped. So I'm offerin' a bounty -- a hundred dollars to anybody who
brings in a wolf pelt."
Mike and Bill look at each other, and immediately race out of the bar to go hunt wolves.
After wandering around the hills for several hours, they finally spot a lone wolf in the distance.
Mike takes aim with his rifle and shoots the wolf dead. The two fellas sprint over to where the
carcass lay, and Mike gets busy with the pelt.
Suddenly, Bill says, "Hey, Mike, look."
"Not now," says Mike, "I'm busy."
Bill tugs on Mike's sleeve and says, "Mike, I think you *really* ought to see this."
"Not now!" Mike says again. "Can't you see I've got a hundred dollars in my hands?"
Bill's voice starts to waver. "Mike, please, just look!"
Mike stops what he's doing and looks up: The two men are surrounded by a pack of wolves --
at least fifty in all, every one of them growling, drooling, gnashing their teeth, and licking their
chops.
Mike takes in the sight and gasps: "Oh, my God! We're gonna be rich!"
____________________________
THIS is TRUE
SEVERE HANGUP: The town council in Warringah, NSW, Australia, was upset that they
could not block a cell phone company from putting an antenna on the top of a new lighting
pole in a council-controlled park. After a legal challenge was denied, the council changed
their tactics: hours before the scheduled installation they sent a man out with a chainsaw to
cut it down. (Sydney Morning Herald)
...Council members tried to get the media to come cover the sawing, but for some reason
they couldn't get their cell phones to work.
*********
THE BUTT OF THE JOKE: Emmanuel Nieves, 23, and his friend Erik Saporito, 21, were
having an argument, say police in Mansfield Township, N.J. At issue: which of them had
more hair on his buttocks. Witnesses say it escalated until an enraged Nieves got a knife and
slashed Saporito in the face. Nieves has been charged with aggravated assault, terroristic
threats, weapons offenses, and criminal mischief. (Easton Express-Times)
...OK, so now we need to know: which one is Beavis and which one is Butthead?
*********
BUTT OF COURSE II: "Mooning" is a Constitutional right, says attorney Eugene O'Sullivan.
His client, James Albert Ernest Togo, 20, pled not guilty of dropping his pants to expose his
buttocks to police officers in Coolangatta, Qld., Australia. "The larrikin moon is of a political
nature when it is directed at an authority figure," O'Sullivan argued in court. "It's a youth
thing." Magistrate Sheryl Cornack postponed her decision until she could poll federal and
state prosecutors for their opinion on the matter. (Melbourne Herald Sun)
...Most will probably just crack jokes.
********
CREDIT WHERE IT'S DUE: Keith Ellis, 41, was hunting in a wooded part of Augusta, Ga.,
and was being careful: he was wearing a bright orange suit. But he was still shot, Inland
Fisheries and Wildlife Department investigators say, by another hunter -- a 13-year-old boy
on a tree stand. "I looked down and saw a hole through five layers of clothing and my knife
split in two," Ellis says. The knife, in a sheath on his belt, deflected the bullet and, he thinks,
saved his life. "I owe it all to someone above." (AP)
...Right: the kid in the tree stand.
********
UNFAIR ADVANTAGE: "Pole Sets World Record for Pole-Sitting"
-- AP headline
______________________________
After four years of separation, my wife and I finally divorced amicably. I wanted to date again,
but I had no idea of how to start, so I decided to look in the personals column of the local
newspaper. After reading through all the listings, I circled three that seemed possible in terms
of age and interest, but I put off calling them.
Two days later, there was a message on my answering machine from my ex-wife. "I came
over to your house to borrow some tools today and saw the ads you circled in the paper.
Don't call the one in the second column. It's me."
____________________________
DDL
Each Friday his engines abort,
But Scotty is never caught short.
He fills his machines
With space-navy beans,
And farts the ship back into port.
_____________________________
"Four members of "The Sopranos" cast have banded together to demand pay raises that
would earn them $100,000 per episode. Producers say they welcome the demands because
it will help the writers determine who gets killed next season."
--Conan O'Brien
***
"Making duplicate copies and computer printouts of things no one wanted even one of in the
first place is giving America a new sense of purpose."
--Andrew A. Rooney
***
"If you let that sort of thing go on, your bread and butter will be cut right out from under your
feet,"
--Former British foreign minister, Ernest Bevin.
___________________________
Rotten News... (true)
Betsy Layne teens seek to break record
by JARRID DEATON
Staff Writer
BETSY LAYNE — Students at Betsy Layne High School turned an early morning routine for
most people into a quest for entry into the Guinness Book of World Records on Thursday.
Three hundred twenty-seven students flossed with one continuous piece of string for 54
seconds. Unofficially, that was good enough to beat the previous record of 297 people for 45
seconds set by a youth camp in Illinois in 2001.
According to Ernie Walker, media technician for the school, the student council sponsored
the event and helped to come up with the idea.
"We wanted something that the whole student body could be involved in and that was
relatively easy to do," Walker said.
Dr. Lee Boyd, a pediatric dentist, was on hand to give out the dental floss and provide gloves
for everyone who participated.
If the record is verified by Guinness, it will be published in the 2004 edition of the book.
********
Tuesday, 14 January, 2003, 13:12 GMT
Radio station faces safety charges
Listeners allegedly suffered serious injuries
A Birmingham radio station is to face court action over a competition it ran which is alleged to
have left three members of the public in hospital for more than eight weeks.
BRMB held a contest during which contestants sat on "dry ice" - frozen carbon dioxide - a
substance with a temperature of -78C.
Four people were treated for severe frostbite, with three of them requiring prolonged stays in
hospital, it is alleged as a direct result of the "Coolest Seats in Town" competition.
The incident resulted in a loss of skin, fat and muscle and caused permanent scarring.
The Health and Safety Executive has brought the prosecution under legislation that requires
employers to ensure people not on their staff are not exposed to health risks.
The contest was held at the radio station's Birmingham headquarters on Broad Street in
August 2001.
The case is expected to be heard on 24 January.
*********
Nude gymnasts banned
Thursday 19 December 2002, 08:05AM
Three Romanian women gymnasts have been punished by their national federation for giving
a nude performance in Japan.
Double Olympic gold medallist Lavinia Milosovici, 26, Claudia Presecan and Corina
Ungureanu were barred for a period of five years from coaching or refereeing in gymnastics
in Romania.
Milosovici, who won the floor exercise and vault titles at the 1992 Barcelona Olympics and
was a five-time world champion, no longer competes at international level.
The trio had "tarnished the image of gymnastics" with their naked performance on
competition-standard apparatus such as the balance beam in a DVD filmed in Chiba
prefecture outside Tokyo, said the Romanian gymnastics federation president Nicolae Vieru.
"This decision is a result of the negative reaction in Japan after the broadcasting of pictures
of the three gymnasts in the nude," said Vieru.
The gymnasts' performance was partially broadcast in a late-night show on a private
Japanese television network.
Vieru said the International Gymnastics Federation would consider punishing the trio when it
met in January.