Daily Dose - 030224 - wedding dress, BIZARRE NEWS, Bonus Flight, DDL, Rotten News
A woman getting married for the fourth time visited a tailor to get a wedding dress made.
When the tailor inquired about the color, the bride to be said, 'White.'
The tailor was a bit surprised by this, and said, 'Excuse me, I don't mean to pry, but since
white is the color traditionally worn by a virgin on her wedding night, I can't help wondering if
you might still be a virgin? How could that be?'
The woman replied, 'I'm sorry to say, but that's the way it is. You see, my first husband was a
psychologist. He just wanted to talk about it. My second husband was a gynecologist. He just
wanted to look. My third husband was a stamp collector... God I miss him.'
______________________________
BIZARRE NEWS....
Hair Under Where?
Lingerie designer Jose Monino has created a new trend in underwear fashion. After working
with hair extensions and plaiting a few strands, Monino came up with the idea of weaving hair
to create a new style of underwear.
After an extensive process of thorough cleaning and weeks of careful weaving, Monino has
created a matching bra and panty set out of human hair and is selling them for over $3,000
per set.
The undergarments are highly priced due to the arduous process of creating each pair.
One question remains: Are they to be taken to the dry cleaners or the beauty salon?
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Swine Sees Soggy Spring
WINNIPEG, Manitoba - Canadian farmer Gus Wickstrom developed his own way of
predicting the weather for the next six months.
He's calling for snowstorms, mild spells and May rains after examining 31 pig spleens.
The retired farmer claims that the depressions and fatty deposits from a freshly slaughtered
pig's spleen can forecast the weather. Wickstrom says that the forecast is accurate for a 200-
mile radius around where the pig was slaughtered, and has predicted correctly more than 80
percent of the time.
Aside from simply forecasting the weather, Wickstrom believes that swine spleen can be
used as a cure for baldness and arthritis.
So, for your local forecast, it may be wise to check in with your local butcher.
********
Bingo Brawl
WALES - A "lucky chair" at a Wales bingo club has gotten two members removed for life.
Both were kicked out after one of them needed hospital treatment for a broken nose and two
black eyes.
Bingo regular Sandra Fry, 55, decided to break the face of 58-year-old Lynn Want when she
saw that Want had beaten her to the "best seat" in the house in Bridgend's Castle Bingo Hall.
Want later required an operation and hospital care to bring her face back to normal.
Fry claims that she was just as shocked as Want was about the punch she threw, although it
didn't seem like she was as broken up about the incident as Want.
**********
Finger-Licken' Dumb
PHILADELPHIA, Penn. - They always say that only the dumbest criminals return to the scene
of the crime.
Such was the case of a 19-year-old who tried to rob a Kentucky Fried Chicken in
Philadelphia. Aaron Bell walked into the restaurant without a mask or any disguise to hide his
face and asked for money that was locked securely in the time-locked safe.
The most incriminating evidence against the young man was that the manager knew who he
was: his employee.
After trying to rob his own employer, Bell came back into work three days later as if nothing
had happened.
His sentencing is scheduled for January 15.
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Bonus Flight.....
A nervous attendant on a flight announced: "I don't know how this happened, but we have
100 passengers aboard and only 40 dinners." When the passengers' muttering had died
down, she continued, "Anyone who is kind enough to give up his meal so someone else can
eat will receive free drinks for the length of the flight."
Her next announcement came an hour later. "If anyone wants to change his mind, we still
have 29 dinners available!"
______________________________
DDL
Jack humped his sweetie, Jill
So they never quite made it up the hill
He wanted to do her every which way
And that's why people to this day say
That Jack and Jill are there still
______________________________
"I asked my wife, 'On a scale of 1 to 10, how do you rate me as a lover?' She said, 'You know
I'm no good at fractions.'"
--Rodney Dangerfield
***
"I wouldn't mind being the last man on Earth - just to see if all of those girls were telling me
the truth."
-Ronnie Shakes
***
"I wish I would have a real tragic love affair and get so bummed out that I'd just quit my job
and become a bum for a few years, because I was thinking about doing that anyway."
--Jack Handey
________________________________
Rotten News... (true)
Naked wife takes to streets for suspicious hubby
[Lisbon, October 23 ] - A 38-year-old Portuguese woman has taken a stroll through the
streets wearing just her slippers - in
order to prove her love for her husband of two months.
Maria Manuela, with her clothed husband a few steps behind her, walked around the northern
Portuguese town of Guarda on
Wednesday - until police stopped the couple and ordered them to return home.
"I proved to my husband that I will do anything for him. There are no doubts now about the
love that unites us," Manuela was
quoted as saying.
Antonio Correia de Almeida, 39, said he asked his wife to prove her love by walking naked in
public because he "started to
think weird things and doubt my wife".
"If she were to ask me to walk around naked, I would accept immediately," he added.
Police said they had not pressed charges because no one in the town of 44,000 had filed a
complaint.
[Sapa-AFP]
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Friday, November 1, 2002. Posted: 19:09:10 (AEDT)
Spoof website's invasion claims have Pacific nation in a panic
An article on a satirical website in New Zealand has caused panic in the Pacific Island nation
of Kiribati, which is in the
middle of a bitter election campaign.
The item claims President Bush had switched his attention from Iraq to regime change in
Kiribati and that he had sent the
Seventh Fleet to invade.
It turns out the source of the rumour is a New Zealand satirical website, Spinner, which
claimed President Bush had forsaken
his campaign against Saddam Hussein to go after President Tito, who was allegedly
developing not only weapons of mass
destruction but also some damn fine crab soup.
The invasion angle gained currency in Kiribati because one of the big issues in the election
campaign is an Opposition
promise to close down a Chinese satellite tracking station, which is believed to monitor the
US Star Wars missile tests in
the neighbouring Marshall Islands.
President Tito's office has ordered a series of radio broadcasts condemning the story as
defamatory and assuring the
population that the United States is not about to invade.
*********
Irate traveler drops pants at Miami airport
The Associated Press
Posted July 11 2002
An angry man gave security workers and other travelers an eyeful, dropping his pants and
exposing himself while being
searched at Miami International Airport.
Marc Danselme, 62, a French national who lives in Washington, was arrested Tuesday after
becoming belligerent while being
screened, according to a police report.
After one of the screeners asked him to turn his belt over, Danselme became irate, dropped
his pants and said, "Is this good
enough?"
Fellow passengers, including some children, were present when Danselme exposed himself,
police said.
He was taken to the airport's police station, where he was charged with "prohibited conduct."
Danselme was still at Miami-Dade County's pretrial detention center Wednesday with bail set
at $500, said jail spokeswoman
Chandra Gavin. His case was assigned to the public defenders office.