Daily Dose - 030217 - Vat vould I tell my Sunday School class, THIS is TRUE, case of
syphilis, DDL, Rotten News
Ole and Lena went to the same Lutheran Church. Lena went every Sunday and taught
Sunday School. Ole went on Christmas and Easter, and maybe a few times during the year.
One Sunday, Ole was sitting in the pew right behind Lena and got to noticing what a fine
looking woman she was.
While they were taking up the collection, Ole leaned forward and said, "Lena, how about you
and me go to dinner in New Ulm next Friday?"
"Yah, Ole, dot vould be nice," Lena replied.
Ole was tickled as all get out. All week long he polished his old Ford truck. On Friday he
picked up Lena and took her to the finest restaurant in New Ulm.
When they sat down, Ole looked at Lena and asked, "Lena, vould you a cocktail before
supper?"
"Oh, no, Ole," Lena said, "Vat vould I tell my Sunday School class?"
Ole was a little taken back, but he didn't say much about it. After dinner, he reached in his
pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes, offering Lena one.
"Oh, no, Ole," Lena said, "Vat vould I tell my Sunday School class?"
Well, Ole was feeling kind of low, having had two offers rebuffed. On the way home, was they
passed the Hot Springs Motel, he figured, heck, he'd struck out twice, so he had nothing to
lose.
"Hey, Lena, vould you like to stop at the motel with me?"
"Yah, Ole, dot vould be nice," she replied.
Ole couldn't believe his luck. He whipped his Ford into the parking lot, jumped out of the
truck, ran into the hotel office, checked in, ran back out, and took Lena right to the hotel
room.
The next morning Ole got up first. He looked at Lena lying on the bed, her hair spread out all
over the pillow. "Vat have I done, vat have I done?" Ole thought. He shook Lena awake.
"Lena, I've got to ask you von thing."
"Vot's dat?" she said, sleepily.
"Vat are you going to tell your Sunday School class?"
"The same ting I alvays tell dem. You don't have to drink and smoke to have a good time."
______________________________
THIS is TRUE....
AN UNCOMMON TOUCH: Michael Bessigano, 32, of Valparaiso, Ind., has been found guilty
of animal abuse after stealing a chicken and taking it to a motel. The motel maid found the
room strewn with blood and feathers and called police. When investigators asked Bessigano
why he took the animal there, he said it was "to have sex with it." Because of similar earlier
animal abuse convictions -- including one incident with a Rottweiler -- Bessigano was
convicted as a habitual offender and sentenced to 10-1/2 years in prison. With time served
taken into account, he could be released after as little as four more years of good behavior
behind bars. (Times of Northwest Indiana)
...Don't let him work in the prison kitchen, then.
*********
JUST PLAIN TOUCHED: Ross Watt, 33, has been caught having sex in the middle of the
street in Edinburgh, Scotland -- with a traffic cone. Police from the Gayfield district caught him
in the ...uh... act after multiple passers-by called to report the incident. Despite an earlier
offense involving a training shoe, Watt was given probation and a suspended jail sentence.
(Edinburgh Evening News)
...What's the matter, Ross? Chicken?
*********
RUNNER UP: Sandra Griep, 21, the reigning Miss East Germany, says she is disappointed
in her title since it has brought her few job offers. She says she was promised plenty of jobs
doing modeling, but "I've only had two local appearances and a photo shoot." What does she
think is the problem? "It's probably down to my small breasts," she says. (PA)
...In other words, it's just a tempest in a B cup.
*********
SECOND RUNNER UP: Steven Croteau, 16, of Lameque Island, N.B., Canada, was
"crushed" at not being named Most Valuable Player in his local ice hockey league. The award
is voted on by a group of nine coaches. So his father, Michael, sued the New Brunswick
Bantam AAA league, demanding that the boy who won the trophy be forced to give it to
Steven, that the league must award Steven the "playmaker" award, and that his son be
guaranteed a spot on the New Brunswick Canada Winter Games team. Oh, and an award of
C$300,000 (US$189,700) in "psychological and punitive damages" would be nice too. "He
was just humiliated" when he wasn't named MVP, Michael says. (Toronto Globe and Mail)
...Steven may not have won MVP but his father did -- Most Vexatious Parent.
*********
SQUIRTING FLOWERS OPTIONAL: "Dutch Undertakers Hire Clown to Lighten the Mood"
-- PA headline
____________________________
"Father Reilly," the Mother Superior reported, "I just thought you should know that there's a
case of syphilis in the convent."
"Oh good," the priest replied, "I was really getting tired of the Chablis."
____________________________
DDL
A renowned art critic named Flo
Was accosted a fortnight ago.
When the flasher unzipped
She allegedly quipped,
"An exhibit well hung sir. Good Show."
_____________________________
"That dog's as subtle as a hand grenade in a barrel of oatmeal."
--Foghorn Leghorn
***
"Weeeell, goodbye... And don't think it hasn't been a little slice of heaven... 'cause it hasn't."
--Buggs Bunny
***
"Great horny toads, I'm up north! Gotta burn my boots, they touched Yankee soil."
--Yosemite Sam
___________________________
Rotten News....
Tom Jones fed up with women tossing clean undies
Knight Ridder Newspapers
Oct. 24, 2002 05:45 PM
Tom Jones says he's insulted when women throw their underwear at him - but only if they
haven't been wearing them.
Jones is fed up with women bringing extra pairs of panties in plastic bags to his concerts to
throw at him, saying that when the tradition began in the '60s, "the whole thing was
authentic."
"Nowadays they bring along a plastic bag with their underwear in it," Jones tells German
magazine Bunte. "It has nothing to do with enthusiasm anymore. I actually take it as an insult.
"I give it my all onstage because I want to fill the crowd with enthusiasm - but that which
comes from the heart and not out of a plastic bag."
*******
Furniture Can Turn Your Home Into A Brothel
Chicken Ranch Selling Furnitue
Posted: 9:36 a.m. EDT October 25, 2002
LAS VEGAS -- Here's a chance to make your home look like a house -- a house of ill repute.
The Chicken Ranch brothel is putting its furniture up for sale. Pieces range from sofas to an
end table with "carved naked ladies underneath."
The furniture had been used in the legal brothel near Las Vegas since the late 70's. Each
buyer also gets a letter of authenticity, brothel souvenirs and a photo showing the furniture in
use.
Chicken Ranch manager Debbie Rivenburgh said it's a chance to buy a unique bit of Western
history.
There was no word, though, if any of the beds are for sale.
Associated Press
********
Woman Charged With Reading Bible Naked
Campus Police Had Earlier Said Woman Couldn't Preach
Posted: 8:24 a.m. EST November 13, 2002
SHEPHERDSTOWN, W.Va. -- Authorities in West Virginia have charged a nude Bible reader
with indecent exposure.
The 49-year-old woman has also been charged with disturbance of school and disorderly
conduct. Police say Barbara Harmison's clothes were in a pile beside her as she read from
the Bible on the steps of a building at Shepherd College Monday.
A policeman's statement says "There were people standing all over and there were classes
going on."
The woman didn't say why she doffed her clothes. Earlier in the day campus police told her
she couldn't preach unless she got permission from the school's student affairs department.