Daily Dose - 030202 - two factories, THIS is TRUE, I WISH I NEVER SAID THAT, DDL,
Rotten News

There were two factories in New York City. One of them made maternity frocks for expectant
mothers, so they were called the "Mother Frockers".

The factory across the street made corks for wine bottles. They had to soak the corks before
they could put them into the bottles, so they were called the "Cork Soakers".

One day a Cork Soaker didn't soak a cork long enough and it flew out of one of the bottles
and hit one of the Mother Frockers in the eye.

That made all the Mother Frockers mad at the Cork Soakers, so they went outside and had
the biggest Mother-Frocking Cork Soaking fight you ever saw . . .

________________________________

THIS is TRUE........

MAD BOMBER: A "bomb robot" was sent to investigate a suspicious package left at a bus
stop in Lompoc, Calif. After blowing the red-taped package open, authorities declared it an
"obvious hoax" and vowed to find the prankster to bill him $3,000 in response costs.
Meanwhile, an unidentified third-grade Lompoc boy lost his science experiment when he
boarded his school bus -- a box that would protect an enclosed egg from breaking when it
was dropped. One of the boy's friends notified police when he put the two incidents together.
A Lompoc Police spokesman said the boy would not be charged in the incident, and "He
should find some comfort in knowing" that it took a detonation charge and a hard squeeze by
the robot's "hand" to finally break the egg. (Lompoc Record)
...That should be worth an "A".

*********

COMMANDO RAID: A woman called 911 to report that a low-flying plane was dropping "tiny
packages with streamers attached" and she was afraid it was a terrorist assault. Since it was
close to the anniversary of the 9/11 attacks, "it sounded plausible at first," says Tommy
Taylor, a patrol sergeant with the Sacramento County (Calif.) Sheriff's Dept. But investigating
deputies found a student pilot who "happened to work for the Public Defender's Office" who
hadn't dropped anything from the plane. The "tiny packages"? Baby spiders "ballooning" in
the noon breeze. (Sacramento Bee)
..."Fern was always an imaginative little girl," Charlotte said as Wilbur squealed in agreement.

*********

DR. STRANGELOVE, I PRESUME? New York psychotherapist Frederick Levenson has
created a dating service for therapy patients. For a $2,000 annual fee, clients will be matched
on such factors as obsessiveness, nervous tics and the "defense mechanisms" they employ.
Their therapists will make the judgments and fill out the application form for them. "Similarity
of psychodynamics is what makes for good chemistry," Levenson says, which includes
matching people with similar psychological problems. (AP)
...Yes, it's obviously best when a couple hears the same voices.

*********

THE LATEST IN THIN SKINS: Sears Roebuck has agreed to stop selling a T-shirt with
"offensive" wording on them: "You should hear the NAMES the VOICES in my head are
calling you." The Maryland-based National Alliance for the Mentally Ill (slogan: "The Nation's
Voice on Mental Illness") claims the shirt "mocks" mental illness, and may expose retailers to
liability due to anti-discrimination laws. "The T-shirt perpetuates prejudice and discrimination
against people with mental illnesses through the intimation of threats flowing from auditory
hallucinations," says NAMI's legal director, Ron Honberg. "They reinforce an unfair
perception of violence." (Reuters)
...Why assume the "names" are violent, rather than "honey" or "sweetie"? Maybe they're
paranoid?

*********

BEASTLY DEVELOPMENT: "Armageddon Ahead, Please Fasten Your Bible Belt"
-- London Times headline

______________________________

I WISH I NEVER SAID THAT...

Here are some comments made by sports commentators that I'm sure they would like to take
back:

1. Weightlifting commentator at the Olympic Snatch and Jerk Event:
"This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it
was amazing."

2. Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator:
"This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her
mother."

3. Grand Prix Race Announcer:
"The lead car is absolutely, truly unique, except for the one behind it which is exactly identical
to the one in front of the similar one in back."

4. Greg Norman, Pro Golfer:
"I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father."

5. Ringside Boxing Analyst:
"Sure there have been injuries and even some deaths in boxing - but none of them really that
serious."

6. Baseball announcer:
"If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again."

7. Basketball analyst:
"He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces."

8. At a trophy ceremony BBC TV Boat Race 1988:
"Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the Cambridge president is hugging the cox of the Oxford
crew."

9. Metro Radio, College Football:
"Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field."

10. US Open TV Commentator:
"One of the reasons Arnie Palmer is playing so well is that, before each final round, his wife
takes out his balls and kisses them. Oh my God, what have I just said!"

___________________________

DDL

A whimsical Arab from Aden,
His masculine member well laden,
Cried, "Nuptual joy,
When shared with a boy,
Is better than melon or maiden."

___________________________

"Worried about an IRS audit? Avoid what's called a red flag. That's something the IRS always
looks for. For example, say you have some money left in your bank account after paying
taxes. That's a red flag."
- Jay Leno

***

"The taxpayer - that's someone who works for the federal government but doesn't have to
take the civil service examination."
-Ronald Reagan

***

"To you taxpayers out there, let me say this: Make sure you file your tax return on time! And
remember that, even though income taxes can be a 'pain in the neck,' the folks at the IRS are
regular people just like you, except that they can destroy your life."
- Dave Barry

______________________________

Rotten News... (true)

Americans told to stay away from Americans
online.ie 12 Dec 2002

Americans in Kuwait have been warned to stay away from Americans in the latest US
embassy terror alert.

The embassy said: "Two security-related incidents occurred recently at an apartment
complex in Kuwait with a high concentration of American citizen residents.

"American citizens are advised to avoid apartment complexes in Kuwait where Americans or
other Westerners are generally known to live or visit in large numbers. Americans should also
increase their security awareness at other public places where Americans or other
Westerners are known to congregate."

The two incidents include one in October when a teenager with crude explosives was
arrested near a residential high-rise building and shopping centre south of Kuwait City where
a large number of American live.

He told police he had received orders over the internet to attack Americans and was
threatened with death if he did not carry out the order.

Shortly after that, someone dropped off an envelope at the same complex containing a
powder initially thought to be anthrax. It turned out to be harmless, but was seen as a
threatening gesture, officials have said.

There are more than 12,000 US troops in Kuwait, and thousands of civilians.

*********

Drinking buddy killed for the last cold beer

December 06 2002 at 07:34AM

Bandera, Texas - A jury on Thursday handed a life prison sentence to a man in Texas who
shot and killed a longtime friend he accused of drinking the last beer in his refrigerator.

Jurors deliberated for less than two hours before passing the sentence on Steven Brasher,
42, for the murder of Willie Lawson, 39, on November 5 last year.

"There was only two beers left, so I took one, and I told Willie not to take my last beer," said
Brasher in a taped statement that was played during the trial.

Testimony showed Brasher shot Lawson in the head with a pistol after the two began arguing
over the missing beer.

Brasher maintained the shooting was an accident.

********

Cannon-shell-turned-table-leg hurts family
Tuesday, November 26, 2002 Posted: 1:38 PM EST (1838 GMT)

BELGRADE, Yugoslavia (Reuters) -- A Montenegrin family thought a World War II artillery
shell was the ideal replacement for a broken table leg -- until it exploded, injuring eight people
as they were about to eat a meal.

The Miskovic family in the town of Danilovgrad was preparing the local specialty of grilled
pork fat on the table when the old shell went off over the weekend, the Yugoslav daily
Vecernje Novosti reported.

"It was our own idea to replace the missing leg with this cannon grenade," house owner
Milovan Miskovic said. "We thought it was harmless ... it was here in our courtyard for some
50 years."

But "all of a sudden, we heard a loud bang and then everything went black."

The newspaper said the victims suffered only light injuries.