Daily Dose - 030129 - Pinocchio, BIZARRE NEWS, commuter, DDL, Roten News
One day, Pinocchio and his girlfriend were in bed doing what girls and wooden boys do. As
they were cuddling later, Pinocchio could tell that something was bothering his girlfriend. So,
he asked her, "What's the matter, baby?"
Pinocchio's girlfriend gave a big sigh and replied, "You're probably the best guy I've ever met,
but every time we make love you give me splinters."
This remark bothered Pinocchio a great deal, so the next day he went to seek some advice
form his creator, Gepetto. When Pinocchio arrived, Gepetto could tell something was
bothering Pinocchio, and asked him what was the matter. Pinocchio revealed his dilemma to
Gepetto.
Gepetto searched up and down for a solution. Eventually, he suggested that sandpaper
might be able to "smooth" out Pinocchio's relationship with his girlfriend. Pinocchio
graciously thanked Gepetto and went on his way.
Gepetto had not heard from Pinocchio for a while and therefore assumed that the sandpaper
had solved all of Pinocchio's problems. A couple weeks later, Gepetto was in town to have
some blades sharpened at the hardware store when he ran into Pinocchio. When he saw
Pinocchio buying all the packs of sandpaper the store had in stock, Gepetto remarked, "So,
Pinocchio, things must be going pretty damn good with the girls, eh?" and Pinocchio replied:
"Girls, who needs girls?!?!?!?!?!?!?"
__________________________
BIZARRE NEWS.....
High Heels and Socks: Ultimate Aphrodisiacs
TEL AVIV - A 33-year-old man has been arrested by Isreali police after they found 205 pairs
of ladies shoes, as well as socks and undergarments, in his attic.
Apparently, the man got his kicks stealing and sniffing the shoes and socks of his female
colleagues.
He would take the keys of his co-workers, make copies of them and then go to their houses
when they weren't home.
The man was caught after 14 women reported missing shoes, and a private investigation
agency planted one of their female detectives as a new employee at the high-tech company
where he worked.
Police say the man would get sexually aroused by smelling the shoes, and then he would
swap stories and shoes with men who have the same fetish over the Internet.
*********
Frozen Hooter
Pet shop supervisor Jamie Ansley, 25, of Canterbury, England was beside himself when his
pet owl Olly died 18 months ago. So Ansley now keeps him in a plastic shroud at the bottom
of his freezer cabinet, with instructions in his will that the bird must be buried beside him
when he dies.
He is aware he has a few good years to go yet, but insists that wherever they put him to rest
will be Olly's final resting place too.
Not all who knew Olly are as attached to the bird as Ansley is. He reports that his, "mates
think I'm bonkers."
*********
The Job-N-Nod 2002, New Edition
German engineer Matthias Knigge has designed a desk that converts into a giant pillow for all
the hard-working (or hard-slacking) office workers of the world that need a quick snooze in
the middle of their work day.
A prototype of the desk, made out of walnut, looks ordinary until a small button is pressed
underneath that activates a fan that inflates a bright orange airbag which unfolds through an
opened panel on the desktop.
Knigge hopes his "airbag table" doesn't inspire people to work longer hours. He thinks it's
good for people to get out of the office after a while and get a life.
__________________________
This is a transcript between a commuter and the railroad company, regarding services of the
latter.
"Gentlemen: I have been riding trains daily for the last twenty-two years, and the service on
your line seems to be getting worse every day. I am tired of standing in the aisle all the time
on a 14-mile trip. I think the transportation system is worse than that enjoyed by people 2,000
years ago.
"Yours truly, A Commuter"
The reply:
"Dear Sir: We received your letter with reference to the shortcomings of our service and
believe you are somewhat confused in your history. The only mode of transportation 2,000
years ago was by foot.
"Sincerely, Western Railways"
And the Counter-Reply was:
"Gentlemen: I am in receipt of your letter, and I think you are the ones who are confused in
your history. If you will refer to the Bible, Book of David, 9th Chapter, you will find that Balaam
rode to town on his ass.
"That, gentlemen, is something I have not been able to do on your train in the last twenty-two
years!
"Yours truly, A Commuter"
___________________________
DDL
There once was a handsome young actor;
While filming he fell off a tractor.
Though not in his script,
He went to Egypt,
To visit the Cairo-practor.
____________________________
Jack and Jill went up the hill,
each with a buck and a quarter.
Jill came down with $2.50,
the dirty whore....
________________________
Attractive to Women
A study in Wisconsin showed that the kind of male face a woman finds attractive can differ
depending on where a woman is in her menstrual cycle.
For instance, if she is ovulating, she is likely to be attracted to men with more rugged and
masculine features.
If she is menstruating, she is likely to be impressed by a man with scissors through his
temple and a bat shoved up his ass.
________________________
Little Miss muffet
Sat on her Tuffet
Her dress all tattered and torn
For it was not the spider
Who sat down beside her
But little boy blue and his horn
________________________
Rotten News... (true)
Man uses cell phone to take snap inside schoolgirl's skirt
KASHIWA, Chiba -- A man has been arrested for using his camera-equipped mobile phone to
take a photo of the inside of a schoolgirl's skirt as she rode an escalator here, police said.
Toyokazu Hamano, 40, a company employee from Noda, Chiba Prefecture, was arrested for
breaking a Chiba Prefectural Government law forbidding people from creating a public
nuisance.
Hamano admits to the allegations.
Police said Hamano was riding behind the girl on an escalator at JR Kashiwa Station when
he took out his mobile phone, held it underneath the girl's skirt and took a photo. The girl was
alerted to his presence by the noise emitted by the phone camera's shutter. She turned
around to catch Hamano with his hands between her legs. (Mainichi Shimbun, Dec. 1, 2002)
********
Osama And His Toy Soldiers
KARACHI, Pakistan, Dec. 5, 2002
The Osama action figure is a big hit with parents in Karachi buying holiday gifts for their
youngsters. (Reuters/RTV)
(CBS) Toy crazes are a common theme in the build up to Christmas holidays in the West -
with certain 'must-have' presents.
Think back to the frenzy stirred by the Cabbage Patch Kids or the fever incited by Sesame
Street's Elmo doll. These 'essential' toys disappear off shelves in a flash, with parents
queueing up for hours or even coming to blows to make sure their offspring has the latest
thing.
The story is no different in the Muslim world with the approach of Eid ul Fitr, the festival that
marks the end of the month of Ramadan. But one of this year's 'must-haves' would probably
be banned from sale in many parts of the West. It's a distinctive, bearded figurine, riding
'shotgun' in a military jeep.
The Osama bin Laden action figure, complete with military jeep and bodyguards, is proving to
be a big hit with mothers and fathers buying holiday presents for their youngsters.
"As you know, Osama is very popular in the whole world," said Imran, a young boy eyeing up
the goods on offer at a Karachi toy store. "The same thing is happening in Pakistan. People
like him, and he has become a celebrity now."
"Children like Osama's car," echoed Eram, a young girl showing an equally keen interest in
the toy. "They want to buy toys like Osama's cars or Osama's guns."
According to a toy stall holder, Naseer, some parents were even paying up to $4.00 in
advance to insure they could become the proud owners of one of the dolls.
*********
Outrage over loss of free TV porn
December 06, 2002
MANY Helsinki residents expressed outrage Thursday after a local cable TV network
monopoly said it was cancelling free porn shows carried by two low-budget cable channels.
"Why, that's outrageous. It smacks of older times and political correctness, and it's certainly
not what the people want," one viewer, who asked to remain anonymous, told AFP.
But Helsinki Television was adamant in its decision.
"We are not in the business of delivering free porn on people's TVs. If they want that, they
can get it on the pay-per-view channels," Markku Tuomola, managing director of Helsinki
Television, told AFP.
"We have 245,000 households on the network, and there are many children watching so
there have been a lot of complaints," he said.
He acknowledged however that the shows had a lot of fans too.
"We have got responses from both sides, about 50-50, but the ones that do not like the
shows are most active," he said.
At Moon TV, a nationwide cable TV channel affected by the decision, employees said they
failed to understand Helsinki Television's stance.
"It's quite weird. For my show, which always runs after eleven in the evening, we have more
than 100,000 adult viewers," said Sami Hernesaho, host of the show "Pornostara", which
features porn film reviews and interviews with porn stars. So the complaints must come from
one or two bad parents who are not looking after their children well enough, because they
should be in bed by the time my show goes on the air," he pointed out.
Visitors to Finland are often surprised by the prominent place of porn and erotic material in
Finnish society. Even the speaker of parliament has gotten in on the act, gaining notoriety by
recounting explicit details of her sex life in her published memoirs.
And as late as last week, Prime Minister Paavo Lipponen said he would be hesitant to ban
the selling of sex in Finland, because for some people, such as the severely handicapped, it
was the only way they could get sex.
According to Helsinki Television, the free porn broadcasts will cease sometime early next
year.
Agence France-Presse