Daily Dose - 030128 - SPOOKY STORY, BIZARRE NEWS, staff-writer, opening a can, DDL,
Rotten News
SPOOKY STORY
This story happened about a month ago in a little town in Mexico, and even though it sounds
like an Alfred Hitchcock tale it's real. This guy was on the side of the road hitch hiking on a
very dark night and in the middle of a storm. The night was rolling and no car went by, the
storm was so strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly he saw a car
coming towards him and stop.
The guy without thinking about it got in the car closes the door just to realize there's nobody
behind the wheel. The car starts slowly, the guy looks at the road and sees a curve coming
his way, scared he starts to pray begging for his life. He hasn't come out of shock, when just
before he hits the curve, a hand appears thru the window and moves the wheel.
The guy, paralyzed in terror, watched how the hand appears every time they are before a
curve.
The guy gathering strength gets out of the car and runs to the nearest town. Wet and in
shock goes to a cantina and asks for two shots of tequila, and starts telling everybody about
the horrible experience he went thru. A silence enveloped everybody when they realize the
guy was crying and wasn't drunk.
About half an hour later two guys walked in the same cantina and one said to the other, "Look
Pepe, that's the jerk that got in the car when we were pushing it."
________________________
BIZARRE NEWS....
Bizarre American CITIES
Hornyhead Branch, Alabama
Blue Ball, Delaware
Santa Claus, Georgia
Gay Head, Massachusetts
Hoop and Hollar, Texas
Intercourse, Pennsylvania
Big Ugly, West Virginia
Jackass Acres, Arizona
Bitch Mountain, New York
Idiotville, Oregon
Hell, Michigan
Cumback, Indiana
******
Defying Time Thanks To Swine
The Russians have developed a formula extracted from pig brains that is said to delay aging
and improve brain power.
When Thailand's Prime Minister, Thanksim Shinawatra, found out about the elixir on a recent
trip to Russia, he was so excited about it he instructed the Ministry of Science and
Technology to create a Thai version of it.
He believes the successful production of it could boost tourism in the country.
An interesting approach none the less.
******
You Got ID For That Vanilla?
Grocery stores in Pennsylvania are taking vanilla extract off their shelves after owners found
thieves were stealing it to get drunk.
Apparently, Bill Jones, manager of Boyer's Food Market kept finding empty boxes and bottles
in the parking lot. At first he thought they had been previously purchased, but later discovered
they were being stolen for their high alcohol content.
The owners of the store were forced to keep the vanilla extract behind the customer service
counter.
Elizabeth Peroni, spokeswoman for the Pennsylvania Food Merchants Association said, "I'd
heard of people stealing baby formula to get money for drugs," she said. "But this is a new
one."
[Really?]
__________________________
When I was a magazine editor, a young man approached me about a staff-writer position. He
had studied dramatic arts in college, had been a professional actor, and also sang and
played the guitar at local restaurants. "How come," I asked, "with all that talent and
experience, you want to switch to a nine-to-five writer's job?"
He started explaining that he enjoyed the arts, and writing was an art he'd always wanted to
try, and so on. Suddenly he stopped his spiel, looked me in the eye and grinned. "Let's face
it," he said. "I'm starving, and I'm trying desperately to get into a rut."
I hired him.
________________________
As an experiment, an engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are placed in separate
rooms and left with a can of food, but no can opener. A day later, the rooms are opened, one-
by-one.
In the first room, the engineer is snoring, with a battered, opened and emptied can. When
asked, he explains that when he got hungry, he beat the can to its failure point.
In the second room, the physicist is seen mouthing equations, with a can popped open
beside him. When asked, he explains that when he got hungry, he examined the stress
points of the can, applied pressure, and "pop!"
In the third room, the mathematician is found sweating, and mumbling to himself, "Assume
the can is open, assume the can is open..."
________________________
DDL
An hour for coffee I waited
I sat there with breath that was bated
The waitress passed through
I asked for some brew
The bitch brought me decaffeinated....
_________________________
"I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of
portraits by Picasso."
--Rita Rudner
***
I am reading a most interesting book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.
***
"I once worked with a guy named George who, for Christmas, gave his wife, for her big gift -
and I am not making this gift up - a chain saw. (As he later explained: 'Hey, we NEEDED a
chain saw.') Fortunately, the saw was not operational when his wife unwrapped it."
--Dave Barry
____________________________
Rotten News... (true)
Soccer fan dies watching TV; mother sets self on fire
New Delhi, June 5
A football fan in India died of electrocution while trying to watch the World Cup highlights on a
faulty television, prompting his distraught mother to set herself on fire, the Press Trust of
India said Tuesday.
The agency said the double tragedy occurred in West Bengal on Sunday.
Mukunda Dey, according to local police, was fatally electrocuted when he was changing
channels. To grieve his death, his distraught mother then attempted suicide by pouring
kerosene on her clothes and setting herself on fire. She was rushed to hospital and is in a
critical condition.
India are not participating in the event however that has not stopped World Cup fever from
gripping millions of enthusiasts in the country.
********
Rio 'has a cow' over Simpsons show
[Rio De Janeiro, April 8] - Can a city sue a cartoon character? The city of Rio de Janeiro is
apparently planning to do just that when it brings charges against the Simpsons - the zany
American cartoon family - for overstepping yet another boundary of good taste.
The city plans to sue Fox Cable International for damages and would use the money to
finance social work in its slums, according to the city's tourism director, Jose Guinle.
In the offensive episode - Blame it on Lisa - which ran last Sunday in the US, Bart Simpson
and his family travel to Rio to visit a slum child supported by Lisa through small donations. In
the cartoon, the orphanage's dirty children are attacked by hordes of monkeys.
"If they are so concerned about our poverty and orphaned children, then they should put all
the income from this episode into our city to help the poor," Guinle was quoted as saying.
The episode pokes fun at Rio, and shows a transport system that consists of Conga dancers,
a boa constrictor that eats Bart on Rio's famous landmark mountain, and mice and rats
stopping pedestrians from crossing a street. The episode, which has not yet run in Brazil,
also has daddy Homer kidnapped by a taxi driver and mother Marge sexually harassed in a
police station.
Rio last year spent nearly $9-million promoting its image abroad.
[Sapa-DPA]
*********
Teen injured after setting own shorts afire repeatedly
By Kat Zeman Daily Herald Staff Writer
Posted on September 23, 2002
After setting his shorts on fire to prove his courage, a Roselle teen ended up at Sherman
Hospital in Elgin Saturday suffering from second-degree burns, police said.
The 16-year-old Roselle boy and two friends - a Roselle 16-year-old and an Elgin 15-year-old
- smeared their shorts with gasoline around 10 p.m. Saturday and took turns lighting each
other in the back yard of an Elgin home, Elgin police said.
Then they would drop down to the ground, roll and attempt to extinguish themselves, Elgin
police said.
"They continued to do this for three rounds," said Elgin officer Mike Sullivan. "The shorts were
drenched in so much gasoline that they were unable to extinguish it anymore. To the best of
our understanding, it was some kind of a challenge."
The Roselle teen suffered second degree burns from his waist down, Sullivan said. He was
treated and released. No charges were filed.
"Each one of them participated by their own free will," Sullivan said. "Being totally stupid is
not a crime."