Daily Dose - 030126 - boob job, BIZARRE NEWS, HOLLYWOOD SQUARES, DDL, Rotten
News
Conversation overheard of two women talking:
W1: I'm thinking of getting a boob job!
W2: Really, what a coincidence, I was thinking about getting my asshole bleached!
W1: Oh dear, I CANNOT picture your husband as a blond!
______________________________
BIZARRE NEWS.....
Bizarre Vocabulary FACTS
All Hebrew originating names that end with the letters "el" have something to do with God.
Alma mater means bountiful mother.
Corduroy comes from the French, cord du roi or cloth of the king.
Fido means faithful in Latin.
January is named for the Roman god Janus.
Sekkusu is sex in Japanese.
Spain literally means 'the land of rabbits.'
The Kentucky Fried Chicken slogan finger-lickin' good came out as eat your fingers off in
Chinese.
The magic word 'Abracadabra' was originally intended for the specific purpose of curing hay
fever.
*********
Deadly Invasion
RIO DE JANEIRO, Brazil - Imagine having a dinner party crashed by a bunch of uninvited
dead people.
A Brazilian home encountered the eerie situation as bones, coffins and crosses crashed
through its kitchen wall after a torrential rain washed out part of a neighboring cemetery.
Pouring into the home was a lovely mixture of earth, body parts, coffins and pieces of
tombstones.
The remnants of the dead were left in the kitchen for an entire weekend before funeral home
employees were expected to clean it up the following Monday.
Needless to say, the residents have a bone to pick with cemetery officials.
**********
Ewe Are Under Arrest
NEW ZEALAND - A police officer finally got his suspect in cuffs after an attack on one of his
colleagues. It wasn't easy, but the New Zealand constable was able to wrestle the fugitive
sheep to the ground and handcuff its legs together.
The two officers were sent to round up the loose sheep that panicked and ran into a garage.
Frightened, the ewe attacked one of the constables who had followed it and left the
peacekeeper limping with torn trousers.
Police spokesman Sergeant Andrew Bardsley joked that the sheep was "facing charges of
assaulting a police officer and unlawfully entering a building."
It is unclear whether or not the injured officer found the joke funny.
________________________________
HOLLYWOOD SQUARES
These great questions and answers are from the days when game show responses were
spontaneous and clever, not scripted and dull as they are now. Peter Marshall was the host
asking the questions.
Q: Do female frogs croak?
A: Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.
Q: If you're going to make a parachute jump, you should be at least how high?
A: Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
Q: True or false...a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A: George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes . . .
Q: You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A: Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.
Q: According to Cosmo, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think he's really attractive,
is it okay to come out directly and ask him if he's married?
A: Rose Marie: No, wait until morning.
Q: Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A: Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
Q: In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I love you?
A: Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.
Q: What are "Do It", "I Can Help" and "Can't Get Enough"?
A: George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the apartment next door.
Q: As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while you are
talking?
A: Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing older question, Peter, and I'll give you a
gesture you'll never forget!
Q: Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A: Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
Q: Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during your
first year?
A: Charley Weaver: Of course not, Peter. I'm too busy growing strawberries!
Q: In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A: Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
Q: It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics.
What is the other?
A: Paul Lynde: Tape measures.
Q: During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A: Rose Marie: Unfortunately, Peter, I'm ALWAYS safe in the bedroom.
Q: Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A: Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
Q: If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A: Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be ! afraid of the dark.
Q: According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a
lot of people?
A: Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army!
Q: While visiting China, your tour guide starts shouting, "Poo! Poo! Poo!" What does that
mean?
A: George Gobel: Cattle crossing.
Q: It is the most abused and neglected part of your body - what is it?
A: Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected!
Q: Charley, what do you call a pig that weighs more than 150 pounds?
A: Charley Weaver: A divorcee.
Q: Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he
trying to do?
A: George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
Q: Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A: Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
Q: When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A: Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car. The rest is up to him.
Q: James Stewart did it over 20 years ago, when he was 41 years old. Now he says it was
"one of the best things I ever did." What was it?
A: Marty Allen: Rhonda Fleming.
Q: Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen
them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A: Charlie Weaver: His feet.
_____________________________
DDL
There was a young lady of Eton
Whose figure had plenty of meat on.
She said, "Marry me, dear,
And you'll find that my rear
Is a nice place to warm your cold feet on."
____________________________
"The good thing about my job is I get to go to lots of over-seas places, like Canada."
--Britney Spears
***
"This week, 23 young Cubans have defected to Canada. That's a sign that our economy is in
bad shape, when Cubans are bypassing the U.S. and rowing directly to Canada."
--Jay Leno
***
A boy, frustrated with all the rules he had to follow, asked his father, "Dad, when will I be old
enough to do as I please?"
The father answered immediately, "I don't know, son. Nobody has lived that long yet."
_____________________________
Rotten News... (true)
Scientist Burns Penis with Hot Laptop
Nov. 22
— LONDON (Reuters) - Laptops have always been a hot item but a 50-year-old scientist
didn't realize to what extent until he burned his penis.
The previously healthy father of two remembered feeling a burning sensation after he had
been writing a report at home for about an hour with the computer on his lap.
He noticed a redness and irritation the following day but it wasn't until he was examined by a
doctor that he realized how much damage had been done.
"The ventral part of his scrotal skin had turned red, and there was a blister with a diameter of
about two centimeters (0.8 inches)," Claes-Gorn Ostenson, of the Karolinska Institute in
Sweden, wrote in a letter published in The Lancet medical journal on Friday.
Two days later, the blisters broke and the wounds became infected and then crusted but after
about a week the unidentified scientist was "healing quite rapidly."
Ostenson noted that the computer manual did warn against operating it directly on exposed
skin but said the patient had lap burns even though he had been wearing trousers and
underpants.
"This...story should be taken as a serious warning against use of a laptop in a literal sense,"
he added.
*********
Oslo shoppers don't mind racy Santa
A clothing store in downtown Oslo decided on an avant-garde window-dressing display to
welcome in the Christmas season. Borrowing a few inflatable dolls from the condom
specialists next door, the shop staged an unorthodox display.
One doll is dressed as Santa from the waist up. The other is on its knees in front of Father
Christmas, with its face buried under Santa's red velvet gown. A sign proclaims: 'Santa Klauz
is coming soon!'
"This is going too far," Laila Hansen told newspaper VG's web site. She thought the display
was a prank that would provoke the wrath of the shop owner. Nothing could be further from
the truth.
Hugo Grimsrud, manager of the clothing store on Oslo's main street, Karl Johan's Gate, told
VG Nett that the display was carefully planned.
"I think we've been very clever," Grimsrud said. "Of course I understand that some may
offended but the idea is to be humorously provocative. We have started our countdown to
Christmas and Santa is coming!"
Employee Jackline Rodrigues claims that the reactions have been uniformly positive during
the three days it has been on show.
"Most people think it's cool. But I have heard some older people on the street that think we
have gone too far. But this is humor. We shouldn't take everything so seriously," said salesgirl
Rodrigues.
Most of the passersby told VG Nett that they didn't find the window display offensive, and
some didn't even notice it.
*******
Bogged-down British 'have no toilet time'
[London, November 21] - About 54 percent of British workers are too busy to take toilet
breaks - which means they put their health at risk. So says a survey by a laxative producer.
Call-centre staff are in the greatest danger, followed by nurses and teachers, suggested the
poll of more than 1 000 workers. It was carried out for Ex-Lax, a laxative made by Novartis, a
Swiss pharmaceutical group.
One in four blamed the condition of toilets at their workplaces for putting them off: 18 percent
believed the facilities did not provide enough privacy.
"Many people do not realise that they are already suffering from the effects of putting off a trip
to the loo," said Jeanette Haslam, a clinical specialist and lecturer at the University of East
London.
People who put off toilet trips can suffer stomach pain, nausea and bloating - as well as
psychological problems such as lethargy, indecisiveness and poor concentration, Haslam
said.
The findings are to be used to support a "Better Bathroom Breaks Campaign" to encourage
British bosses to make sure their workers have sufficient toilet time.
[Sapa-AFP ]