Daily Dose - 030125 - making bets, BIZARRE NEWS, wedding rehearsal, DDL, Rotten News

Rod and Todd, now in their eighties, first met in grade school. Their relationship now is
playing cards, playing jokes and making bets.

One day Rod calls Todd and says: "I bet you that mine is longer soft than yours is hard. A
thousand dollars."

Todd replies, "How can that be? If you know anything about biology you...."

Rod interrupts, "I called for a bet, not a lecture. Mine is longer soft than yours is hard...a
thousand dollars... YES OR NO?"

Todd says, "OK OK I'll take that bet. How long is yours soft?"

Rod answers, "Eleven years."

____________________________

.......

Something's Been Bugging Me...

You can imagine how surprised Kevin Gilvary was when he noticed a living creature coming
out of his back.

While changing the dressings on what he thought was a mosquito bite, he looked in the
mirror and saw a "yellowish head sticking out and wiggling." With one squeeze, the larva
popped out on to a tissue and was sealed in a jar for Gilvary to examine.

Amazingly, the inch-long bug had been nesting inside the man's back for three months, after
he was "bitten" while trekking through the South American jungle.

Kevin and his partner Christine have already booked their next trip to Cuba and will most
likely bring plenty of bug spray.

********

In Deep S#@t!

VIRGINIA - A 75-year-old retired janitor found himself trapped in one of the worst places on
Earth. The World War II veteran described the setting as "The Bible's hell."

Coolidge Winesett was imprisoned at the bottom of an outhouse for almost three days. With
no one around to help him, Winesett endured hellish elements like maggots, snakes, spiders,
rats and the unholy smell.

All he kept thinking was, "God, don't let me die like this."

Finally, a mail carrier found Winesett doubled over and hallucinating in the pit. After the
horrific ordeal, Winesett decided, "I'm going to have me a bathroom put in."

_____________________________

At a wedding rehearsal, the minister told the father of the bride, "As you give your daughter's
hand to the bridegroom, you should say something nice to him."

The father, a grocery-store manager, took the advice. During the wedding ceremony, he
placed the bride's hand on his son-in-law's arm and said, "No deposit, no return."

____________________________

DDL

young Betsy was light years from discreet
she used language that I shall not repeat
I simply was not ready
when in bed and sweaty
she said put your %$&*# in my explicative delete

____________________________

The perfect new ads for Sprint's clear wireless service:

It turns out that it was all just a case of bad cellular:

The Arthur Anderson partner was on his cell phone when he said, "ship the Enron documents
to the feds."

His Secretary heard, "rip the Enron documents to shreds."

The rest is history. How clear is your cellular?

___________________________

"It is the soldier, not the reporter who has given us the freedom of the press. It is the soldier,
not the poet, who has given us the freedom of speech. It is the soldier, not the campus
organizer, who gives us the freedom to demonstrate. It is the soldier who salutes the flag,
who serves beneath the flag, and whose coffin is draped by the flag, who allows the protester
to burn the flag."
--Father Dennis Edward O'Brien, Sergeant, USMC

____________________________

Bubba called his attorney and asked, "I hear they are suing the cigarette companies for
causing people to get cancer, and now someone is suing the fast food goliaths for making
them fat, so what I want to know is, "Can I sue Budweiser for all the ugly women I have slept
with?"

____________________________

Rotten News... (true)

Aussies go bushwhacking in the buff for rain

December 04 2002 at 08:16AM

Sydney - Hundreds of women in a drought-ravaged corner of Australia's Victoria state are
ready to try almost anything to make it rain, including a mass jaunt - naked - through the
outback, newspapers reported on Wednesday.

The women said they plan to perform the nude rain dance next March at Ouyen, in
northwestern Victoria, after being inspired by a group of people from Nepal who reportedly
carried out a similar feat earlier this year, with great success.

Organiser Lyn Healy told said that the town's men would be taken to a local recreation
reserve while several hundred women head off to do their thing.

"So we're all going to get on these buses and no one will know where we're going. We're
going to head out to a secret location then we all get off the bus and do our rain dance, just
women privately, no cameras," she said.

After the rain dance, the women plan to gather their families together for "a big barbecue
lunch" - this time fully clothed, she chuckled.

Eastern Australia is in the grips of its worst drought in decades, with crop production slashed
and many farming families on the brink of ruin.

The government statistics bureau reported on Wednesday that the drought would cost the
agricultural community more than five billion Australian dollars (about R27-billion) this year, a
fall of more than 20 percent. - Sapa-AFP

*********

17:08 2002-11-28

The Indian Gender Benders

India is on the verge of a sociological time bomb waiting to explode, due to the large number
of genetically manipulated births. As in China, everyone wants a boy and in a population
which already exceeds one thousand million, the practice could create a dangerous
imbalance, with many more males than females in the near future.

Many women visit fertility clinics, where they are implanted with male embryos. The
defenders of the practice claim that in the past, baby girls were killed or women went to have
abortions when they discovered that they were carrying a female child, while others were
badly treated by their families if they gave birth to a girl instead of a boy.

The desire to have a boy comes from old traditions. A girl has to bring with her a dowry at
marriage and many poor families cannot afford this, while there is also a custom in Indian
villages whereby the son lights the funeral pyre of the parents.

A census conducted recently showed that there is already a marked imbalance between the
sexes in India, with boys outnumbering girls by 1,000 to 865 in some areas, and even by
1,000 to 796 in others, according to figures in The Times newspaper.

In Punjab and Haryana, the states where the practice of female infanticide is more common,
husbands have to bring in their wives from other areas, while in some families, brothers share
a bride.

***********

Survey: Scots go bare under kilts
Friday, November 29, 2002 Posted: 3:02 PM EST (2002 GMT)

LONDON, England (Reuters) -- The naked truth about what Scotsmen wear under their kilts
has been revealed -- absolutely nothing.

Braving the chilly Scottish weather, seven out of 10 men follow tradition and go naked
beneath the country's national dress, according to a survey on Friday.

"It is something to do with Scottish pride," said a spokeswoman for whiskey maker The
Famous Grouse, behind the poll of 800 men. "There is no way they would wear anything,
even if it's freezing."

Highland tradition dictates men should wear nothing beneath their pleated skirts, in
accordance with the saying "Nothing is worn beneath the kilt -- it's all in perfect working
order."

For those not brave enough to "go commando," the survey found boxer shorts with a tartan
design were the second most popular choice.

Scotsmen have worn kilts for hundreds of years, shrugging off jibes from south of the border.
Kilt makers have moved with the times, recently unveiling a design with a pocket for a mobile
phone.