Daily Dose - 030121 - ROY ROGERS, BIZARRE NEWS, all-night drugstore, DDL, Rotten
News

ROY ROGERS

Roy Rogers and Trigger wended their way home after a most satisfying day at work tending
the boundary fences on Roy's large spread. About a mile from the homestead Roy noticed a
cloud of dust rising from the trail that led from home to the main gate.

As he approached, he saw that it was a large squad of cavalry soldiers led by Major Ted. As
he came up to the column of troops Major Ted called, "Whoa!" and addressed the famous
cowboy.

"Good evening, Mr Rogers," he said.

"Good evening, Major," replied Roy Rogers.

"Are you' heading home, Sir?" asked the Major.

"I am indeed, yessir, I'm looking forward to a real meal."

"Just before you go, Mr Rogers, I'm afraid I have some bad news for you."

"Like what, Major?"

"Well, sir, the Indians have been on the rampage over at your homestead."

"My God! I'd better get over there right away!"

"Just a minute Roy, there's more. There's not much left of your house I'm afraid"

"That's terrible, I've got to get home to my family"

"Hold on Roy, there's more. I'm afraid they scalped your five children and appear to have
raped the girls beforehand."

"Those savages!! I've got to get home to my wife, she must be beside herself with grief!"

"Sorry Roy, but there's more. They also raped your wife and mother before killing them. All
the cattle are gone and they put an arrow through your dog Pal. Most of the house is burned
to the ground and they put poison in your water supply."

"Oh my God! This is the worst day of my life! But still, I'd better get over there and see if
there's anything at all I can do"

"Hold on, Roy - there's just one more thing . . ."

"Yes Major?"

"Before you go. Hows about a little song for the boys?"

_____________________________

BIZARRE NEWS......

Bizarre Historical

FACTS

In 1944 and 1945, Adolf Hitler's war policy revolved around using a V1 or V2 bomb to hit Big
Ben. He believed it would be such a tremendous blow to England that Germany would
proceed to win the war.

"Mad" Jan of Leidon was the leader of an Anabaptist cult in the Netherlands. He set up a
theocracy, and took 21 wives. One day, one of his wives answered him back, so he
instructed the other 20 of them to hold her down, while he single-handedly trampled her to
death.

King Philip III of Spain had a 3 inch chin. He was unable to stop dribbling, and he was
mercilessly mocked throughout his lifetime by his subjects. He still managed to rule them for
about 40 years. He was so in-bred that he only had four great-grand-parents.

Don Carlos, the son of King Philip II of Spain, was 4 feet tall and liked to experiment with
eating raw, and often live, rats and insects. He spent the last five years of his life locked in his
room, because he started to wander around naked.

Hitler's half brother died in 1977.

********

How Many Kilos Are On This One?

Some cars come equipped with standard features like power locks, power windows, airbags,
etc. A New Mexico man received an added feature that isn't found too often in a newly
purchased vehicle.

As he was repairing the emergency brake on his recent acquisition, he discovered almost 10
pounds of cocaine under the vehicle's console.

Where did the man get the car from? He bought it at a police auction a week earlier.

The authorities were immediately contacted to handle the situation.

The Las Cruces-Dona Ana County Metro Narcotics Agency was the department that seized
the vehicle in June of 2001. They'll look harder next time.

*******

Take The Bus, Moron

Some criminals really don't know when to quit.

A Dutchman was due for his court appointment but didn't have a means of transportation to
get him there. His quick criminal instincts told him to steal a car to get him to his hearing.

Why was the man required to go to court in the first place? Three counts of car theft.

His fourth attempt was no better than the other three as the 24-year-old was arrested at a
roadblock.

The crook responded, "I don't have a car myself. I just steal and sell them."

Self-incrimination at its finest.

______________________________

A police officer, though scheduled for all-night duty at the station, was relieved of duty early
and arrived home four hours ahead of schedule at 2 a.m. Not wanting to wake his wife, he
undressed in the dark and crept into bed.

Just then, his wife sleepily sat up and said, "Mike, dearest, would you go down to the all-night
drugstore on the next block and get me some aspirin? I've got a splitting headache."

"Certainly, honey," he said, and feeling his way across the dark room, he got dressed and
walked over to the drugstore.

As he arrived, the pharmacist looked up in surprise. "Say," said the druggist, "I know you --
Aren't you a policeman? Officer Fenwick, right?"

"Yeah, so?" said the officer.

"Well, what the heck are you doing all dressed up like the fire chief?"

______________________________

DDL

Said a woman with open delight,
"My pubic hair's perfectly white.
I admit there's a glare,
But the fellows don't care.
They locate it more quickly at night."

______________________________

A little boy had been pawing over a stationer's stock of greeting cards for some time when a
clerk asked, "Just what is it you're looking for? A birthday greeting, message to a sick friend,
Anniversary or a congratulations to your mom and dad?"

The boy shook his head and answered, "Got any like a blank report card?"

***

"When we got married we registered at Bloomingdale's because you can return everything for
cash. And I figure each place
setting can keep me in beer money for a month."
--Gary Barkin

__________________________

Rotten News... (true)

Harry Potter '... dies ... sorry'
December 13, 2002

A "TEASER card" holding clues to the plot of the long-awaited fifth Harry Potter novel has
gone under the hammer for almost STG29,000 ($81,800) in London, auctioneers Sotheby's
said.

At a separate auction in western England, a rare edition of the first Harry Potter novel sold for
a record STG13,000 ($36,670).

The "teaser card" written by Potter author J K Rowling, was sold for STG28,680 ($80,900),
almost six times its STG5,000 ($14,100) reserve price, Sotheby's said.

A spokeswoman for Book Aid International, which provides 750,000 books every year for
more than 40 of the world's poorest countries, said the sale had raised STG24,000 ($67,700)
to buy 18,500 books for schools in Eritrea and other African countries.

The sought-after card, containing 93 words written by Rowling, gives a glimpse into the
possible plot of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix - the fifth book about the schoolboy
wizard.

Sotheby's would not reveal the full contents of the card, which was bought by an unidentified
American collector, saying only that it included the words: "thirty-eight chapters ... might
change ... longest volume ... Ron ... broom ... sacked ... house-elf ... new ... teacher ... dies ...
sorry".

The Associated Press

*********

Man protests dress code - with dress
December 11, 2002

MIKE Samples doesn't like the new dress code at his state job - so he wore a dress to work.

Instead of his usual jeans, ball cap and T-shirt, the 32-year-old claims manager in the
Workers' Compensation Division wore a polka-dot maternity dress he'd borrowed from a
friend to protest the new guidelines.

"Those things aren't nearly as comfortable as I thought they would be," Samples said.

He didn't bother with hose or high heels and kept on his tennis shoes.

"It wasn't attractive," he said.

But Samples barely got to log on to his computer at work before he was sent home. That was
fine with Samples since he didn't want to wear that dress all day.

Since then, Samples has been wearing more acceptable khakis and sweaters. So far he
hasn't been disciplined and has apologised to his supervisor, Employment Programs
Commissioner Robert Smith, who instituted the new guidelines.

"The dress code is not a code. It is a statement that we expect our employees to be properly
attired at work," Smith said. "There are things we don't think are appropriate."

The Associated Press

*******

Political Leak
Alderman Cited for Urinating During Debate
The Associated Press

S T. L O U I S, July 24 — St. Louis police have issue a citation to a city alderman who
apparently urinated into a waste basket at City Hall during a debate.

The city counselor's office is weighing whether to charge Alderman Irene Smith with violating
the city's ordinance against public urination.

The incident took place a week ago when Smith was filibustering against a redistricting plan
she says is harmful to the city's blacks.

Smith was told she would lose control of the floor if she left to use the restroom. So 40
minutes later, supporters surrounded her with sheets and other items while she appeared to
urinate into a trash can.

The incident was captured on camera and aired repeatedly on local newscasts.

One of her colleagues, Alderman Thomas Bauer, filed a police complaint against Smith for
her action. Bauer said he wants an investigation into whether Smith violated a city ordinance
that prohibits public urination.

Violations carry a fine of up to $500 and up to 90 days in jail.

"The conduct was outrageous [and] disrespectful of the Board of Aldermen and the people of
the city of St. Louis," Bauer told the St. Louis Post-Dispatch.

Smith said Friday night that "Bauer has a right to do what he wants to" but should be aware
of the ramifications of filing "false affidavits."

"What I did behind that tablecloth is my business," Smith said.