Daily Dose - 030119 - BLIND CURE, BIZARRE NEWS, S.H.I.T., DDL, Rotten News

BLIND CURE

Once upon a time there was a blind boy and his mother. The boy was very sad because he
couldn't see, so once, his mother tells him that she knows a way for his sight to return.

She says that if he washes his eyes with a magical soap for an hour, then he washes his
eyes with a magical water for an hour, then wraps his eyes with a magical bandage and
sleeps for 2 days, his sight will come back.

The boy does as his mother tells him, as he is washing his eyes with the magical soap he is
telling his mom how he will now be able to see the colors, and to see the sky and the clouds
and water....

Then as he is washing his eyes with the magical water he tells his mom how now he is gonna
see her and all his cousins and uncles and aunts and how now he would go to a normal
school like everyone else....

Then, before going to sleep for 2 days he tells his mom how much he loves her and that he
looks eagerly to when he has sight....

Two days later, the boy wakes up and his mother tells him to carefully remove the bandage
and then to slowly open his eyes. He does as his mother says, and when his eyes are
opened he says, "But mom, I still can't see anything!!"

And his mother tells him, "April Fool's!!"

___________________________

BIZARRE NEWS.....

Here's An Odd One

He's being called the Champagne Bandit.

Police in Port St. Lucie, Fla., say a guy, around 6-foot and 300 pounds, is running through
Publix grocery stores throughout the area stealing champagne. And not just any champagne
will do for this bandit -- he's got to have Moet & Chandon White Star -- about $30 per bottle,
reports the Port St. Lucie Tribune.

Last Friday at a Publix on U.S. 1, the bandit reportedly found room for four bottles of White
Star down the front of his pants before exiting the store, the paper says.

Publix security officials told a deputy the bandit "has stolen the exact same items in the exact
same manner from several Publix stores" from Jensen Beach to Vero Beach.

*******

Urine The Game

Looking for some fun to spice up your experience in the mens' room? The Prostate Cancer
Charity has introduced a biodegradable powderball that gradually disintegrates on contact
with liquid, appropriately named Peeball.

Researchers in Europe have found that Peeball has been quite a success, with 10,000
already sold before advertising has begun. Producers of Peeball claim that to play peeball
once is to be hooked for life.

The object of the game is to dissolve the ball as quickly as possible, either by a direct stream
or an intermittent assault on the target.

There is no word on any possible Peeball tournaments in the near future, but that's no reason
to not start training.

********

This Isn't What I Ordered

ROMANIA - There are just some things in life that you get and cannot exchange for a
different item. As a Romanian man learned, one of these items is a child.

The disappointed father tried to bribe maternity nurses to swap his newborn daughter for a
boy.

He claimed that he always wanted a boy and that "girls are more expensive."

Upset that the nurses wouldn't comply with his request, the man refused to take his wife and
daughter home.

Perhaps he'll remember to get his receipt at the next delivery.

_____________________________

S.H.I.T.

Certain types of manure used to be transported (as everything was years ago) by ship. In dry
form it weighed a lot less than when wet, but once water (at sea) hit it, it not only became
heavier, but the process of fermentation began again, of which a byproduct is methane gas.

As the stuff was stored below decks in bundles you can see what could (and did) happen.
Methane began to build up below decks and the first time someone came below at night with
a lantern, BOOOOM!

Several ships were destroyed in this manner before it was discovered what was happening.
After that, the bundles of manure were always stamped with the term "S.H.I.T" on them which
meant to the sailors to "Ship High In Transit." In other words, high enough off the lower
decks so that any water that came into the hold would not touch this volatile cargo and start
the production of methane.

Bet you didn't know the history of that word.

Neither did I. I always thought it was a golf term.

_______________________________

DDL

An old desert rat called Burdew,
Came to town one day for a screw.
He threw down a quarter
And drawled out, "That orter
Cover a quick poke or two."

The madam looked very askance
At the grime on his shirt and his pants,
His scruffy grey beard,
The eyes that went weird,
And the odor that wasn't from France.

"Old Fellow", she said with a grin,
"For a quarter, I'll let you right in,
To a room that's just ripe
For a man of your type,
And a gal that's ideal for your sin."

The prospector's eyes went aglow,
As the fires began burning below.
His hands started shaking,
And his knees were a-quaking.
It was plain he was raring to go.

So they led him out back of the place,
To a shed with just enough space,
For the fattest pink sow,
He'd seen anyhow,
With a sort of sweet smile on her face.

Burdew shoved everyone aside,
Slammed the door and was quickly astride
His porky delight,
Where he spent the whole night,
In a passionate piggyback ride!

At daybreak, Burdew poked his head
Out of the tumbled-down shed,
With a satisfied sigh,
He said, "Miss Piggy and I
Will be having our breakfast in bed."

___________________________

You know you're old if you can remember when bacon, eggs and sunshine were good for
you.

***

Show me a man with both feet on the ground and I'll show you a man who can't put on his
pants.

________________________

Rotten News... (true)

Mooning 'a political protest'
December 13, 2002

THE authority of police would be undermined if flashing buttocks at the law was ruled a
legitimate political protest protected by the Constitution, a Gold Coast court has been told.

James Albert Ernest Togo, 20, of Brisbane, had pleaded not guilty in the Coolangatta
Magistrates Court to behaving in an indecent manner when he "mooned" a police car soon
after midnight on August 12 this year.

The case has gained national and international notice because Togo's Aboriginal legal
service lawyer, Eugene O'Sullivan, argued that "mooning" police was a protest and should be
protected under the implied freedoms of the Constitution.

But police prosecutor Senior Sergeant Michael Purcell today said the claim was bogus.

"How can the action of someone dropping their pants and exposing their buttocks become
public comment or a political protest?" he asked. "If we allowed everyone who wanted to drop
their pants and moon police officers we are undermining the authority of the police."

Togo's counsel had also maintained mooning was part of accepted Australian larrikin
behaviour and should even be considered a national icon.

Snr Sgt Purcell countered by asking whether bare buttocks should replace the emu and
kangaroo on the Coat of Arms.

"Have community standards lowered that much that we can accept such action as the norm?"
he said.

State and federal governments were given two weeks to comment on the case.

AAP

*******

Handling Pak bank notes might kill you

Press Trust of India/Agence France-Presse

Karachi, December 10: Low-denomination bank notes may spread deadly contagious
diseases throughout Pakistan, but coins pose less risk, a study warned on Tuesday.

Karachi University's microbiology department determined that five- and 10-rupee banknotes,
worth about nine and 18 US cents, carry pathogens of E-coli, the blood and kidney infection
which can lead to death, and other bacteria which cause diarrhoea, skin infections and
septicemia.

It said almost all of the 450 rupee notes or coins collected from public places including meat
shops, restaurants, bus drivers and even hospital pharmacies showed alarming presence of
bacterial and fungal species.

"Contaminated notes may act as potential source of infections," said the study, reported in
Dawn newspaper.

The bacterial load in notes collected from bus drivers and meat sellers was particularly high,
it added.

Coins were found to contain far fewer undesirable micro-organisms, however, due to the the
germ-killing effect of metal.

More controversially, the report claimed that mass-circulation of the small notes may
contribute to the transmission of diseases from lower class citizens, who travel long distances
on public transport, to other segments of society.

The report said transmission of disease could be checked if people avoided or disinfected old
notes and practiced better personal hygiene.

*********

Street man's bulging pockets

December 06 2002 at 11:16AM

Milan - It was a rags to riches story at a hospital in northern Italy when a homeless man
turned out to be carrying $30,000 (about R300 000) in his pockets.

The 80-year-old bearded man was checked into the psychiatric ward of the hospital three
days ago when he was found wandering in the city of Como, said police.

The man, apparently without family, had been living in a shelter and on the streets.

But to the hospital staff's surprise, they found euros and lire in his pockets.

"He said it was his life's savings," said the police source.

But the Bank of Italy has refused to exchange the lire, which are no longer in circulation, for
euros because the man's identification papers expired 13 years ago. - Reuters