Daily Dose - 030113 - MARINE IN BOSNIA, BIZARRE NEWS, PEERS, DDL, Rotten News
MARINE IN BOSNIA
From a Marine in Bosnia.
A funny thing happened to me yesterday at Camp Bondsteel (Bosnia): A French army officer
walked up to me in the PX, and told me he thought we (Americans) were a bunch of cowboys
and were going to provoke a war. He said if such a thing happens, we wouldn't be able to
count on the support of France.
I told him that it didn't surprise me. Since we had come to France's rescue in World War I,
World War II, Vietnam, and the Cold War, their ingratitude and jealousy was due to surface at
some point in the near future anyway. That is why France is a third-rate military power with a
socialist economy and a bunch of faggots for soldiers.
I additionally told him that America, being a nation of deeds and action, not words, would do
whatever it had to do, and France's support was only for show anyway. Just like in ALL
NATO exercises, the US would shoulder 85% of the burden, as evidenced by the fact that the
French officer was shopping in the American PX, and not the other way around.
He began to get belligerent at that point, and I told him if he would like to, I would meet him
outside in front of the Burger King and beat his ass in front of the entire Multi-National
Brigade East, thus demonstrating that even the smallest American had more fight in him than
the average Frenchman.
He called me a barbarian cowboy and walked away in a huff. With friends like these, who
needs enemies?
Mary Beth Johnson
LtCol, USMC
_____________________________
BIZARRE NEWS.....
Bizarre Utah LAWS
Alcohol may not be sold during an emergency.
Individuals may not possess beer in containers larger than two liters unless they are a
retailer.
It is illegal to cause a catastrophe.
It is against the law to fish from horseback.
It is illegal to detonate any nuclear weapon. You can have them, but you just can't detonate
them.
Birds have the right of way on all highways.
It is a felony to persistently tread on the cracks between paving stones on the sidewalk of a
state highway.
It's legal for restaurants to serve wine with meals, but only if you ask for the wine list.
It is considered an offense to hunt whales.
No one may have sex in the back of an ambulance if it is responding to an emergency call.
*********
A Difficult Item To Fence
ZURICH - Brash thieves rolled up the red carpet outside a swank Zurich hotel on Friday,
making off with an expensive wool rug in the dead of night even though it was screwed down.
Zurich police asked anyone stepping across a red carpet with "Welcome to Atlantis Hotel
Zurich" in blue letters to call.
**********
Juvenile Joyride
FORT LAUDERDALE, Florida - A police car crashed and caused at least two collisions that
injured three people in a Florida city on Monday.
The 15-year-old criminal behind the wheel had crawled from the back seat after he was
arrested and took the car on a 10-minute joyride that ended with the crash.
After being thrown into the back of the police car as a result of a three-minute foot chase with
the cops, Herbert Marlin Johnson managed to maneuver his restrained hands and hop into
the driver's seat.
Deputies say they don't know how Johnson was able to free himself, but the experience has
made them feel better about 16 years being the legal driving age.
**********
Shotgun Trap Backfires
CHARLEROIS, Belgium - One disturbed, grumpy old man felt such hatred towards his
estranged family that he set up 19 death traps in his home with the intention of killing them.
Louis Dethy, 79, ended up killing himself when one of his own booby traps backfired on him.
Police found him with a gunshot wound to the neck after he forgot about the shotgun he had
hidden in a wooden chest.
The cause for the despise of his wife and 14 children came after his selfish act of adultery
that left him alone with a reclusive existence. Having never forgiven his wife and kids for
leaving him, he decided to take out his vengence by murder.
Unfortunately for him, stupid is as stupid does.
____________________________
PEERS
Before a burglary trial, the judge explained to the defendant, "You can let me try your case, or
you can choose to have a jury of your peers."
The man thought for a moment. "What are peers?" he asked.
"They're people just like you ' your equals."
"What the hell are you thinking about?" snapped the defendant. "I don't want to be tried by a
bunch of damn thieves."
______________________________
DDL
There once was a girl named Esther
Who said to the fellow that undressed her,
If you don't mind
please put it behind,
because the front is begining to fester.
______________________________
"I have property in LA. A hotel is holding two of my suitcases."
--Soupy Sales
***
"Julia [Roberts], I miss our phone calls. But it seems like ever since you got Caller ID you're
never home."
--Steve Martin
***
"Male sexual response is brisker and more automatic than the female. It is triggered easily by
things -- like putting a quarter in a vending machine."
--Dr. Alex Comfort
____________________________
Rotten News... (true)
Head of pet waste-removal firm leaves thieves holding the bag
By Roy Appleton
The Dallas Morning News
Posted December 12 2002, 11:42 AM EST
DALLAS -- Matt Boswell had that holiday spirit after Christmas shopping last week in Frisco,
Texas.
Then he saw some stinking thief messing around in the back of his pickup truck outside the
Stonebriar Centre mall.
``I yelled at him,'' said Boswell, who watched the dirty dog haul two plastic bags from the
truck to a waiting car and flee.
The Little Elm, Texas, resident didn't give chase or waste time calling police, however.
No. 1, the loss was a mere drop in the bucket.
No. 2, this is the season of sharing, a time for surprises.
``I sure wish I could have been there when he opened the bags,'' said Boswell,
``entremanure'' of a pet waste-removal company.
Those gift bags together contained about 25 pounds of leftovers from Texans' lawns in Irving
and North Dallas.
``I just couldn't stop laughing,'' said Boswell, who had parked in the open so people, including
thieves, could read the words painted on the sides of his truck.
``It's pretty obvious what we do,'' he said. ``It says we scoop poop.''
Boswell said he and his three employees weekly take in about a ton of dung.
And if the guys in the black, four-door sedan want some more, he said, ``we have plenty
where that came from.''
*********
Man who never saw snow before calls the cops
Reuters
Posted December 10 2002, 8:23 AM EST
BERLIN - A Gambian man unused to Germany's winter weather woke up to find his car had
gone completely white overnight and called police to complain vandals had painted it.
Police in the central German town of Hildesheim who answered his call discovered the man
had mistaken snow on his car for paint when he looked down from his apartment window.
``To him it looked like paint when he was looking down on the car from the fifth floor. He was
really worried and it wasn't a hoax, otherwise he would have been fined for it,'' police
spokesman Walter Wallott said.
*********
Israeli soldier complains about Palestinian underwear
online.ie 04 Dec 2002
An Israeli soldier has complained to the authorities that he was given Palestinian-made
underwear during his national service.
Aviv Kolber, 37, was on duty in the West Bank when he realised his military-issue underwear
was made in Beit Jalla, a Palestinian village.
"On the one hand, they send us to fight our so-called enemies, and on the other, they buy
clothes from them," he said. "It is just crazy."
Until Israel's Operation Defensive Shield, Beit Jalla was the source of regular shooting
attacks against the nearby Jewish neighbourhood of Gilo, which is built on land Israel
captured in the 1967 Mideast War.
The Defence Ministry said the underwear might have been donated to the army, or that an
existing Israeli supplier subcontracted the manufacturing process to the Palestinians in Beit
Jalla.