Daily Dose - 030105 - TWICK OR TWEAT, BIZARRE NEWS, acquainted with the
deceased, aviaries, DDL, Rotten News

TWICK OR TWEAT

On Halloween, this woman opens her door to find the most adorable little girl, with golden
blond hair and the biggest blue eyes. She was dressed as an witch, and was just
delightful.

The woman said, "What are you supposed to say sweetheart?" The little girl looks up at
the woman and says... "Twick or Tweat!" The woman thinks this is just adorable, and she
calls her husband to come to the door.

The woman say to the child, "Go ahead honey say it just one more time." Once again the
little Angel looks up and says, "Twick or Tweat!" The husband agrees with his wife, this
little witch is just the cutest thing.

The woman picks an apple from the Treat Bowl, shines it up with her apron, and drops it
into the little girl's Treat Bag.

The little witch looks in her bag then looks up at the woman and says...

"Thanks lady, you just boke my goddamn cookies!"

__________________________

BIZARRE NEWS....

Luckiest Bastard In The World

BELGRADE - A Yugoslav Army paratrooper has survived a drop from an altitude of 3,300
feet after both his parachutes malfunctioned.

40-year-old Dragan Curcic escaped with minor cuts and bruises after his main and spare
parachutes first failed to open and then became tangled when they opened
simultaneously.

"He went through the roof of an army build-ing. Only God himself saved him from certain
death," an eyewitness said. Another Yugoslav holds the record for surviving a fall from the
greatest altitude without a parachute.

Air hostess Vesna Vulovic plunged 33,330 feet into a snowbound forest in Czechoslovakia
in 1972 when the airliner she was on exploded.

**********

Trucker's Party Gets Crashed

A Dutch truck driver was involved in a crash on his way from Holland to France. There
were no serious injuries involved, but hat makes this story so unique is that the trucker,
Marinus Boogaerts, was due to hold a party to celebrate one million kilometers of
accident-free driving.

His vehicle was badly damaged but he said he was more upset about having to cancel his
party.

"After driving nearly a million kilometers without having one single accident I wanted to
celebrate," said Boogaerts. Better luck on the next million.

***********

Courtney Love's Killer Breasts

Courtney Love's telling pals she's devastated by the tragic death of her dog! When
Courtney had a doc remove her breast implants, she brought them home as "souvenirs"
...and the poor pooch ate one and died!

___________________________

The case concerned a will and Kelly was a witness.

"Was the deceased," asked the attorney, "In the habit of talking to himself when he was
alone?"

"I don't know," said the Irishman.

"Come now man, you don't know and yet you pretend you were intimately acquainted with
the deceased?"

"Well, Mr. Lawyer," said Kelly, "I never happened to be with him when he was alone. "

___________________________

Jill went to the doctor, saying she had a problem with her aviaries.

The doctor said, "Jill, you're being silly. You mean ovaries. Aviaries are where you find
birds."

Jill shook her head and said she meant *aviaries*.

Not prepared to argue, the doctor told her to get on the couch for an inspection. After a
quick look, he said,

"Well, Jill, you're right! There's been a cock-a-too in there."

____________________________

DDL

There was a bus driver named Peter,
Who could not have looked any neater.
But his mustache looked funny,
When he combed it with honey,
Thus making his kisses much sweeter.

___________________________

"He was the world's only armless sculptor. He put the chisel in his mouth and his wife hit
him on the back of the head with a mallet."
- Fred Allen

***

"Writing is easy. All you have to do is stare at a blank sheet of paper until drops of blood
form on your forehead."
- Gene Fowler

***

"A psychologist once said that we know little about the conscience except that it is soluble
in alcohol."
- Thomas Blackburn

______________________________

Rotten News... (true)

Wednesday September 11, 07:06 PM

Genitally challenged men given new hope

LONDON (Reuters) - Scientists in the United States have come up with news that may
help millions of men -- they have succeeded in growing major parts of penises in the
laboratory.

The test tube penile parts were successfully used to rebuild the members of rabbits who --
after rest and recuperation -- put them to the use that rabbits are famous for.

"They were able to copulate, penetrate and produce sperm," Anthony Atala, whose team
at Harvard Medical School carried out the experiments, told New Scientist magazine.

He said the researchers were now trying to grow entire penises in the test tube.

But he also said the technique was at an early stage and that it would be a while before
the technique was tried with human tissue.

The scientists had only been successful in growing the erectile tissues of rabbit penises --
not the entire organ -- and in all cases the erect member had the reduced firmness of a
60-year-old against that of a more virile 30-year-old.

*******

Sorcery blamed for croc attack
25apr02

PORT MORESBY: A village in Papua New Guinea was blaming sorcery by its neighbours
for a crocodile attack which killed a young boy.

PNG newspaper The National today reported that the superstitious villagers were even
contemplating a "full scale attack" on the neighbouring village, both of which lie along the
crocodile-infested Ope River in the country's north.

Provincial police chief Teddy Tei said the crocodile took the boy as he and his father
pulled their dugout canoe up the riverbank.

The boy, who had not been seen since the attack last Monday, was presumed dead.

Senior Inspector Tei appealed to the villagers not to take the law into their own hands
because of superstition.

Overcoming such beliefs is a constant challenge for PNG authorities, in particular when it
comes to deadly natural phenomena.

Last month a massive landslide in a trouble-prone area of Morobe province in central PNG
killed 36 people as they slept in their village.

In an attempt to convince nearby villagers to relocate to higher ground, authorities have to
first overcome superstition.

Some survivors attributed the landslide to the killing of a sacred animal, and claimed it
was divine intervention that made the mud stop just short of the ramshackle Lutheran
Church near the crushed hamlets.

AAP

*******

The Next Viagra?
Tanning Pill Has Surprising Side Effect

UPDATED: 5:54 p.m. PDT August 27, 2002

LOS ANGELES -- How do you get a nice tan without being exposed to the sun? A new
drug called Melanotan may provide the answer.

"If you could get tan without going into the sun, you could be protected against skin
damage, and skin cancer," said Dr. Robert Dorr of the Arizona Cancer Center.

But during clinical trials with young men, there was a surprising side-effect.

"They were coming to us and saying hey doc, something is going on here. The first male
subjects we gave it to all got erections, from that point on we knew we had a different kind
of drug," said Dorr.

Now Melanotan is being developed for sexual dysfunction in both men and women.
Researchers say frequent use of the drug will also lead to a tan.

"If you use the drug enough times -- and enough would be 20 times a month -- you will
probably darken, even without going into the sun," said Dorr.

Researchers say Melanotan differs from Viagra.

"It doesn't work on the sex organs, it actually works on the brain centers, so that means it
increases both the urge and the ability," said Dorr.

Melanotan apparently promises a safe tan and a better sex life.