Daily Dose - 020603 - HOW YODELING BEGAN, BIZARRE NEWS, trick-doggy style, big white church, DDL, Hey Martha

HOW YODELING BEGAN

Back in the olden days, a man was traveling through Switzerland. Nightfall was rapidly approaching and the man had nowhere to sleep. He went up to a farmhouse and asked the farmer if he could spend the night.

The farmer told him that it would be all right and that he could sleep in the barn. The man went into the barn to bed down and the farmer went back to the house ... the farmer's daughter came down from upstairs and asked the farmer, "Who was that man going into the barn?"

"That's some fellow traveling through ... he needed a place to stay for the night, so I said that he could sleep in the barn."

The daughter then asked the farmer, "Did you offer him anything to eat?"

"Gee, no I didn't," the farmer answered.

Daughter replied, "Well, I'm going to take him some food."

She went into the kitchen, prepared a plate of food, and then took it out to the barn. The daughter was in the barn for an hour before returning to the house. When she returned, her clothes were all disheveled and buttoned up wrong, and she had several strands of straw tangled up in her long blond hair. She immediately went up the stairs to her bedroom and went to sleep.

A little later, the farmer's wife came down and asked the farmer why their daughter went to bed so early. "I don't know," he said. "I told a man that he could sleep in the barn, and our daughter took him some food."

"Oh," replied the wife. "Did you offer the man anything to drink?"

"Umm, no, I didn't."

"I'm going to take something out there for him to drink."

The wife went to the cellar, got a bottle of wine, then went out to the barn. She did not return for over an hour ... when she did return, her clothes were also messed up and she had straw twisted into her blond hair. She went straight upstairs and into bed.

Next morning at sunrise, the man in the barn got up and continued on his journey, waving to the farmer as he left the farm ... a few hours later, the daughter woke up and came rushing downstairs. She went right out to the barn, only to find it empty. She ran back into the house. "Where's the man from the barn?" she eagerly asked the farmer.

Her father answered, "He left several hours ago."

"What?" she cried. "He left without saying good-bye? After all we had together? I mean, last night he made such passionate love to me."

"What?" shouted the father ... he ran out into the front yard looking for the man, but by now the man was halfway up the side of the mountain.

The farmer screamed up at him, "I'm gonna get you! You had sex with my daughter!"

The man looked back down from the mountainside, cupped his hands next to his mouth, and yelled out, "I LAID DE OLADEE TOO!"

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BIZARRE NEWS.....

Bizarre Sexual Trivia

If disconnected, the sex organs of an armadillo are still active.

Today, Japan leads the world in condom use and are sold door to door by women.

The name of Wyoming's Grand Tetons mountain range literally means "Big Tits".

White women and those women with a college degree in particular are the most receptive to anal sex.

When reading horizontally from Shakespeare's original published copy of Hamlet, the furthest left hand side reads "I am a homosexual" in the last 14 lines of the book.

In the 1930s, a man was arrested on charges of molesting a duck in New York's Hyde Park. He however got off scot-free after pointing out in his defense that the duck was a fowl, not a beast, and that he was therefore innocent of the charge of bestiality.

Every year, 11,000 Americans injure themselves while trying out bizarre sexual positions.

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Ventriloquist's Dummy Is Ruining His Marriage

WALES - Maureen Roberts let it go when her ventriloquist husband routinely talked to his dummy, Charlie Boy, at the dinner table. And for hours in front of the mirror. And on trips to the supermarket.

But she drew the line when her husband Ray wanted to bring the dummy with them on a romantic dinner.

She said, "Life's become hell. Either it goes or I do. I thought it was funny at first, but it's grinding me down now. Ray spends more time talking to a lump of wood than me. If I had my way it'd be kindling."

In his defense, Ray insists he doesn't mean to upset his wife and that everyone must have a hobby to prevent a marriage from becoming boring.

No word on where the dummy sleeps.

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68-Year-Old Woman Tries to Smuggle 7 Snakes, 91 Lizards

AUSTRALIA - A 68-year-old woman was recently caught at Australia's Sydney airport trying to smuggle seven snakes and 91 lizards out of the country.

Officials believe she was going to sell them through the black market in the Czech Republic. The woman had put the animals in poster tubes, but punched holes in them so the reptiles could breathe.

All of the animals were native to Australia, so she has been charged under a conservation act. Taronga Zoo identified the snakes, including four tiger snakes, three pythons, a rare rock knobbed-tail gecko, a sandstone leaf-tail gecko, and a thick-tailed gecko.

The woman faces a large fine or 10 years in prison.

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Reality TV Coming to a Restaurant Near You

BERLIN, Germany - On the popular reality shows, contestants battle it out and eat insects to pass on to the next event or simply because they have nothing else to eat. In Germany, however, insects are becoming the newest trend in restaurant dining.

Bored with traditional menu options, Germans bombarded a local restaurant that recently added insect dishes to its menu.

Chef Lars Scheuble of the Berlin Soda restaurant now cooks such meals as cockroach pasta, grasshopper and locust couscous, and sauteed maggots with green leaves. His inspiration was a vacation to Africa and Thailand, where natives regularly eat insects.

"They have virtually no fat and in Africa they're eaten instead of meat or as a snack," he said.

Customers have thus far been supportive and say the worms in the salads are "crunchy."

According to the chef, "nobody has complained about stomach problems yet."

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Sock Bandit Gets Off on the Wrong Foot

UPPER MARLBORO, Maryland - First it was the shoe sniffer, now we have the sock the bandit!

Police apparently have to decided to "sock it" to Derrick Cobb, 25, after he allegedly knocked down several girls and stole their socks.

Cobb was reportedly identified from a store security tape after one of the girl's mother called the police. He's charged with two counts each of felony robbery and misdemeanor theft.

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Student Ditches School to Rob Bank

BRANDON, Mississippi - When most kids cut class, they go sneak a cigarette outside or head to the closest mall. But this 15-year-old Mississippi boy had other things in mind when he decided to rob a bank during his little excursion from school.

According to Flowood police chief Johnny Dewitt, the robber, who was wearing a maroon turtleneck and jeans, allegedly walked into the bank brandishing a knife.

The police found the suspect sitting at a table in the school cafeteria 40 minutes after the raid and arrested him for armed robbery. His bag filled with cash and clothes matching the robber's description were reportedly found in a nearby classroom.

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Classic Bizarre Moments from the Archives

QUEBEC - And you thought Canadians were straight-laced.

Thanks to the keen observations of wives and girlfriends, police arrested eight people at Le Salon Sex Symbol, where stylists stripped, performed exotic dances and talked dirty as they clipped clients' hair. Three female employees and five male customers were charged with working in or frequenting a house of prostitution, according to the local newspaper.

While not much actual hair-clipping took place, police did catch the 28-year-old owner and a client playing with a sexual toy and oil.

Interestingly enough, Quebec law allows erotic hair salons, if no touching takes place.

The wives, and more importantly, the police believe patrons at Le Salon Sex Symbol could buy sex.

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Two friends were discussing having sex with their wives.

The first man says "Me and my wife sometimes do it doggy style. How about you?"

The second man replies replies "Well, not exactly. We do it trick-doggy style."

"Is that kinky then?"

"Well, not really. You see I start it by sitting up like a dog and begging for sex. Then my wife rolls over and plays dead!"

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"Recently we got a call from that big white church at 11th and Walnut," the paramedic said. "A frantic usher was very concerned that during the sermon an elderly man passed out in a pew and appeared to be dead. The usher could find no pulse and there was no noticeable breathing."

"What was so unusual and demanding about this particular call?" the interviewer asked.

"Well," the paramedic said, "we carried out four guys before we found the one who was dead."

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DDL

There was a young lady from Brussels
Who was proud of her vaginal muscles.
She could easily plex them
And so interflex them
As to whistle love songs through her bustles.

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One of the questions asked on our company's employee application form is: "Did you receive any training in the U.S. Armed Forces that is relevant to the position applied for?"

An applicant answered, "To wake up early and go to work."

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"Like a midget in a urinal I knew I had to be on my toes."

-Lt. Frank Drebin (Leslie Nielsen), from NAKED GUN

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"According to a New Jersey poll, 92% of married women say they would marry the same man...Mel Gibson."

--Jay Leno

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Hey Martha (true)

Monday, July 23, 2001

Crime-fighting pig protecting home

MINNEAPOLIS (AP) -- Robbers, beware. There's a 300-pound, snorting surprise standing between you and Becky Moyer's apartment.

Arnold the crime-fighting pig, as he's known around the neighbourhood, already has taken a bite out of one would-be criminal.

After coming home one night, Moyer said she discovered two men in her garage. "One of them put something in my back that felt like a gun, and they said they wanted my purse," she said. "I said my purse was in the house.

"When we went in, I screamed for Arnold, and he got up and grabbed the guy by the leg." The stranger then began running.

The hog's heroics helped Moyer and her neighborhood club win one of this spring's "Building Blocks" awards, which the Minneapolis police gives to honor clubs that build community, solve problems and work with police.

"The police gave him that 'crime-fighter' name," Moyer said Saturday about her part Yorkshire, part Vietnamese potbellied pig. "When they're in the neighborhood, they like to stop by and pet him."

Arnold isn't the only ham in Moyer's household. She also has a purebred potbellied pig named Axel, which is 2 months younger and more than 100 pounds lighter than Arnold.

"Even the drug dealers pet them and feed them sweet rolls," Moyer said.