Daily Dose - 020521 - identical twins, Rotten News, Apples & Cookies, cute little filly, DDL, Hey Martha

Dan married one of a pair of identical twin girls. Less than a year later, he was in court filing for a divorce.

"OK," the judge said, "Tell the court why you want a divorce."

"Well, your honor," Dan started, "Every once in a while my sister in law would come over for a visit, and because she and my wife are so identical looking, every once in a while I'd end up making love to her by mistake."

"Surely there must be some difference between the two women." the judge said.

"You'd better believe there is a difference, your honor. That's why I want the divorce." he replied.

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Rotten News.... (true)

March 17, 2002

Clowns protest on Pacific
Sentinel staff report

SANTA CRUZ — Years of latent frustration in the clown community broke through the surface Saturday afternoon as a tide of bulbous noses, tri-colored wigs and oversized pants swept down Pacific Avenue.

Some 80 normally jolly clowns, supported by the buzz of a dozen kazoos, sought to make their plight public and turn the fortunes of clowndom toward a brighter future.

"You are born a clown," said organizer Rico Thunder. "And for those brave enough to be out as clowns, the world can be a cold and unwelcome place."

"As long as one clown is oppressed, no man is free," Thunder continued.

The Million Clown March was organized by Thunder and friends. While a few short of the sought-after million, the pack met at Saturn Cafe on Pacific Avenue and marched toward the new Cooper House.

The pack drew a crowd of parents and kids, but mostly puzzled shoppers.

The noisy assemblage stopped in front of the usual protest locations, chanting "Our clothes are better than yours!" in front of the Gap and "Double mocha lattes!" at Starbucks.

Later, as the throng approached its final rally point in front of the Cooper House, it broke into the cry of "No more chanting!"

Savvy locals used to the nearly continuous drone of protests through downtown found the clowns refreshing.

"At least at this protest you can actually see who the clowns are," muttered an onlooker.

At the conclusion of the march, the clowns piled into three very small cars and repaired to the Boardwalk Bowl for a night of "clowning, drinking and karaoke," according to organizer.

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Publication date: 03/11/2002

Larry Flynt's welcoming crew -- pro-porn feminists
By Tanya Pampalone
Of The Examiner Staff

When anti-pornography protesters vowed to show up at the opening of Larry Flynt's club last month, Hustler's Los Angeles spokeswoman was baffled.

"What happened to San Francisco?" she muttered in disbelief.

But the city that brought you the Summer of Love did not let Larry down. While a handful of anti-porn protesters did turn out for the event, they were met by something they didn't expect: women who wanted it.

Their signs said it all. These "feminists for fornication" echoed the sentiments of local feminists who have been fighting for years for your right to smut.

Feminists who love porn?

Yep, it's true and it's nothing new. They have been around since the 1980s, sparring with traditional anti-porn feminists like Andrea Dworkin and Gloria Steinem.

Some of the biggest feminists in America today are straight-up about their love for porn. And our very own Bay Area sexual intellectuals are forging a refreshed sexual agenda with the belief that nakedness is good and the anti-porn feminists of yesteryear are just plain passÈ.

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New York City's drug dealers, always on the cutting edge of bad taste, are now selling heroin packets labeled "Bin Laden," and which carry a crudely drawn image of a plane flying towards the World Trade Center.

Cops seized the packets from Simone Duzant, 24, following a traffic stop, according to Queens District Attorney Richard Brown, who said today (February 7) it "was inevitable that drug dealers would seek to capitalize on our nation's worst atrocity."

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Apples & Cookies

Children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic school for lunch. At the head of the table was large pile of apples. The nun made a note that said, "Take only one, God is watching."

Moving through the line, to the other end of the table, was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A little boy wrote a note, "Take all you want, God is watching the apples!"

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A farmer buys a cute little filly that he plans on racing next season, but when he gets her home, his old stallion smells her and wants her and starts kicking up dust. The farmer doesn't want her knocked up, because she won't be able to race, so he calls the vet.

The vet tells him to tie a bedsheet around the philly's rump to keep the stallion away. So that day, the farmer does just that.

The next day, the farmer goes out to the corral to make sure the vet's solution worked, but the filly's nowhere to be found. The farmer follows her hoof trail to the neighbor's farm, and sees the neighbor's kid out by their barn.

"Hey boy, did you see a filly run by with a bedsheet tied around her rump?" the farmer asks.

The kid replies, "No sir, but one dashed past here early this morning with a handkerchief sticking out of her butt!"

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DDL

A quick witted astronaut, Dwight,
When asked 'bout his upcoming flight,
Did he have worry one
'Bout landing on the sun?
"Heck no, we're landing at night!"

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"If you're the chairman of a football club, and cocaine abuse is going on, you have to take a line on it."
GRAHAM SPIERS, Scottish TV

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The college dorm advisor heard strange noises from Todd's room, well after lights-out. He knocked on the door and said, "Mr. Todd! Are you entertaining in there?"

From behind the door, Todd answered, "Just a second -- I'll ask her!"

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A new hair salon opened up for business right across the street from the old established hair cutters' place. They put up a big bold sign which read:
"WE GIVE SEVEN DOLLAR HAIR CUTS!"

Not to be outdone, the old Master Barber put up his own sign:
"WE FIX SEVEN DOLLAR HAIR CUTS"

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Hey Martha (true)

Wednesday, July 25, 2001

Police seize cellphone covers showing naked stars

KUALA LUMPUR, Malaysia (AP) -- Malaysian police seized cellphone covers depicting naked celebrities which lit up certain parts of their bodies when the phone rang, a newspaper reported Wednesday

Raids on sellers of the covers were included in a crackdown on pornography in Seremban, 60 kilometres south of Kuala Lumpur, the Star newspaper reported.

The covers, showing nude pictures of Asian movie and pop music stars, sell for between $10 and $20 Cdn, Police Chief Abdul Razak Ghani was quoted as saying.

Covers showing naked pictures of Hollywood stars fetch higher prices, the report said.

Prime Minister Mahathir Mohamad recently announced a crackdown on pornographic material, saying he was worried about its effect on society.

Police said 12 people were arrested and 71 premises raided in Seremban and nearby towns in a seven-day statewide operation that started Monday.