Daily Dose - 020504 - FEMALE ROBOT, Rotten News, finish paving, DDL, Hey Martha

FEMALE ROBOT

There are these two inventors and they like to invent lots of stuff. One day one of them calls the other and says, "Come over and see my new invention."

So the other inventor comes over and sees the new invention. He asks, "What is it?"

He says, "It is a female robot."

The other one says, "What does it do?"

He says, "If you squeeze it's left tit it will get you a glass of water, and if you squeeze it's right, it will write a letter."

The other inventor says "cool."

So the other one says, "That isn't all she can do, she can have sex also."

So the inventor replies and takes the robot into the bathroom. A few minutes later the inventor of the robot hears a loud, "ooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuwwwwwww"

Shocked, the inventor says, "Oh shit! I forgot to tell him that her asshole is a pencil sharpener!"

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Rotten News... (true)

Swazis want their sex shops back

Tassels were re-introduced to deter underage sex

By Bhekie Matsebula
BBC Swaziland reporter

Swaziland's parliament has called for the re-introduction of sex shops in order to reduce rape and combat the spread of HIV and Aids in the country.

The proposal was made on Monday by Senator Mbho Shongwe who argued that bringing back the sex shops would encourage sex-hungry men to use them instead of committing rape.

Mr Shongwe's recommendation received full support from the parliament, including staunch supporters of the country's traditions.

In a country where official statistics released on Monday indicate that over 37 people die of Aids every day, any measure to combat the disease would be welcome.

But this is a dramatic u-turn for parliament which only last year shut down the capital's Loveland Sex Shop that sold sex toys.

Parliamentarians had then argued that such tools promoted prostitution and homosexuality which was not accepted by Swazi customs and traditions.

Supporting the proposal on Monday, Princess Phetfwayini told the house that Swazi culture was out of date, adding that the move would help prevent sexually transmitted diseases.

Whilst welcoming the recommendation, the Minister of Justice and Constitutional Affairs, Chief Maweni Simelane, said that re-opening such shops was prohibited by law.

Last year, King Mswati III re-introduced an ancient Swazi tradition, which required girls under 18 to wear a set of "umcwasho" tassels, as a mark of chastity.

The monarch said that the custom would be used as part of the country's HIV/Aids campaign.

More than 50,000 Swazis have so far died of Aids and there are an estimated 250,000 victims of the killer disease in the tiny African kingdom.

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Police Shoot, Kill Masturbating Man
Officer Suffers Minor Injury
Posted: 4:58 p.m. EST March 12, 2002
Updated: 2:14 p.m. EST March 13, 2002

SAN DIEGO -- San Diego police are investigating an officer-involved shooting of a naked man who was masturbating alongside a public bike path.

The shooting occurred where the path passes under Interstate 8, near the city's Ocean Beach/Mission Beach area, police reported.

Patrol officers had gone to the area about a half-hour earlier on reports of a naked man masturbating in public view, the San Diego Police Department's Bill Robinson said.

"The officer contacted him and initially, I was told, the man was laying on his side and for whatever reason the guy got up and started fighting with the officer," Capt. Ron Newman said.

According to police, the officer tried using mace and using a restraining hold, but without success.

Newman said the officer drew his gun when the man grabbed a large rock.

The shooting victim was fatally wounded, affiliate Web site TheSanDiegoChannel.com reported. The officer also sustained a minor hand injury.

Though hidden from view, the path under the bridge is a popular one for inline skaters, joggers and bike riders.

Resident Sam Constasti said that he uses the path all the time, but the stretch of bike path under the bridge makes him uneasy because of the transients who often hang out there.

"Oh, they give you a hard time and give you dirty looks. I don't make eye contact with them. I'm afraid of 'em," Contasti said.

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While a friend and I were visiting Annapolis, we noticed several students on their hands and knees assessing the courtyard with pencils and clipboards in hand.

"What are they doing?" I asked our tour guide.

"Each year," he replied with a grin, "The upperclassmen ask the freshmen how many bricks it took to finish paving this courtyard."

When we were out of earshot of the freshmen, my friend asked our guide: "So what's the answer?"

The guide replied: "One."

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DDL

There was an old girl in Havana
Who slipped on the skin of a banana,
Whoops! Went her feet,
And she fell on her seat,
In a most unladylike manner.

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Newspaper ads can be expensive. As a result, many companies abbreviate words. Thus "Sry" instead of salary etc. However this company cut just 1 corner too many:

"Wanted: Office Ass."

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The FDA says pilots shouldn't go into the cockpit until 6 hours have elapsed after using Viagra.

Strange, I thought you used Viagra to get INTO the cockpit.

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Q. What's the difference between a hamster and a cow?

A. Cows survive the branding

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Hey Martha (true)

Monday, February 18, 2002

Marines storm beach by mistake

GIBRALTAR (AP) -- The British military apologized Monday for invading Spain over the weekend -- by mistake.

About 20 Royal Marines went slightly off course in an amphibious exercise and stormed a Spanish beach Sunday morning near the British colony of Gibraltar, a British Defense Ministry spokesman said.

Residents of the Spanish border town of La Linea watched in astonishment as the beach filled with combat-ready troops wielding mortar launchers and SA 80 assault rifles, according to Spanish press reports, which said at least 30 troops were involved.

Spanish television station Telecinco showed footage of an advance team in combat fatigues dashing through the surf to a beach several yards from the border, with paratroopers dotting the sky in the background.

Spain's Efe news agency said the soldiers left after several Gibraltarian fishermen and local police officers told them they were on Spanish soil.

The accidental incursion came at a delicate time in negotiations between Spain and Britain over the future of Gibraltar, where Britain established a military base in 1704.

The 2.5-square-mile territory was formally ceded to Britain under the Treaty of Utrecht in 1713. Gibraltar is an irritant to British-Spanish relations and the two countries are trying to reach an agreement, that would include the colony's internal self-governance, by summer.

The spokesman, who could not be identified under Defense Ministry rules, said the "regrettable and embarrassing" error lasted no more than five minutes.

He said the mishap was likely caused by a map-reading error, although details of an investigation carried out on board the HMS Ocean helicopter carrier, where the soldiers came from, were being kept secret.

However, a statement from the British Forces Gibraltar office blamed the incident on "poor visibility due to local weather and a number of local fishermen being seen on the intended target beach."

It added that there was a second border breach Sunday when a similar landing craft lost power and "drifted outside Gibraltar waters."

Local police spokesman David Iria said the mistake was understandable, because it is "difficult to know exactly where you are" on the poorly marked coastline.

The HMS Ocean, which had stopped at Gibraltar for maintenance, was heading to the Indian Ocean to support military operations in Afghanistan, the spokesman said.