Daily Dose - 020430 - Yankee, BIZARRE NEWS, rednecks, DDL, Hey Martha
Someone from England had asked us Americans to give them our definition of a "Yankee." To them, we're ALL Yanks.
One fella, writing in response, said, "Yankee Doodle is a pejorative term but I can't remember what it means."
I wrote in reply:
Hmmm. Not the way I heard it.
Seems there was a traveling caravan of prostitutes following George up the Potomac. George was known for his flamboyant sleeping wear.
When Washington settled his troops in for the night, he then donned his lime green pajamas and purple feather boa (complete with riding crop.)
It was at this time the Madam appeared at his tent and asked, "Yank your Doodle, Dandy?"
(See what you learn when you watch "The History Channel"?)
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BIZARRE NEWS....
Bizarre Criminals
In September 1992, robbers in Las Vegas held up a van thought to contain gambling chips, only to find that it was carrying potato chips instead.
In 1998, a guard was caught smuggling a wad of money in his underpants out of a bank in Atlanta when a tiny security-dye capsule exploded, blowing a hole in his trousers.
In 1998, a would-be Texas grocery store robber went to the trouble of disguising his face with a balaclava but forgot to remove from his breast pocket a laminated badge which bore his name, place of employment and position within the company - an oversight spotted by at least a dozen witnesses.
A 1975 raid on the Royal Bank of Scotland in Rothesay degenerated into farce when, on the way in, the three would-be raiders got stuck in the bank's revolving doors and had to be helped free by the staff. Undeterred, they returned a few minutes later and announced that it was a robbery. The staff thought it was a practical joke and refused to pay up. While one of the men vaulted the counter and twisted his ankle on landing, the other two made their escape, only to get trapped in the revolving doors again.
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Heads Roll in Bizarre Love Triangle Dual
ST. PETERSBURG, Florida - Here is someone who obviously saw one too many "Highlander" movies.
Dennis George Roache, 34, was arrested after beheading rival Gregory Shannon during a fight and placing the severed head on the hood of a car for neighbors to see.
According to police in St. Petersburg, they were called to the home in South St. Petersburg shortly before 8:30 a.m. by a woman who said she had barricaded herself in a bathroom when her former boyfriend broke into the home of her current boyfriend. Roache and Shannon began fighting and Shannon was stabbed several times with the machete.
Roache then used the machete to decapitate Shannon.
According to police, Roache, who has a history of mental illness, was trying to arrange a mirror in front of the decapitated head "so Shannon could see himself if he were still alive."
Roache is currently being held without bail on a first-degree murder charge.
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Stupid Criminals, Part I
BEER SHEBA, Israel - A car thief thought he hit the jackpot when he noticed the window of a parked Toyota had been left partly open.
He hurriedly leaned over the glass to disconnect the stereo system. In the meantime, however, the thief pushed the electronic button that rolls up the windows, and it began to close on him.
He started to panic and began yelling for help.
According to Chief Inspector Gili Amar, "His neck got caught. He screamed, 'Help!'" His pleas for help woke up the neighbors and the car's owner.
Police aided in his rescue and then promptly arrested him.
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Stupid Criminals, Part II
STOCKHOLM, Sweden - A would-be thief was greeted by police after being trapped in an elevator for 11 hours earlier this week.
In an attempt to rob a basement studio, the thief pried open the elevator doors with a screwdriver. Unfortunately for him, the elevators are programmed to automatically lock if they are opened by force. Thus, he was trapped.
Immediately panicking, he tried everything to break out of the area. The thief ripped out electric cabling, smashed windows in the doors, and attempted to set the apartment on fire.
Alas, a fire did not catch and he was stuck waiting to be freed in the morning.
The police aided in his rescue and promptly arrested him.
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Now Children, Go to Your Rooms
ROMANIA - To the dismay of his mother-in-law, a Romanian wanted to leisurely listen to his music, but she was afraid he would wake the children. What's a mother-in-law to do? Bite the offending party, of course.
As their taunts escalated, he grabbed her neck and she, in return, bit his hand.
According to doctors, she damaged some of his tendons. "A human bite can be dangerous because one person's germs may be very harmful to another," the doctor explained.
Neither party has pressed charges.
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Superbaby Survives High Speed Car Crash
LINCOLNTON, Pa. - While cruising down Route 73, Guadalupe Nieto Espinosa turned around to feed a bottle to her 3-month-old girl in the back seat. While dealing with the baby she didn't realize the car was drifting into opposing traffic.
When she tried to jerk the wheel back to the right at 55 mph the car overturned twice, ejecting the baby - minus her car seat - through the window.
By miracle or bizarre circumstance the baby sailed through the air, across the road, and landed without a scratch.
A witness found the baby lying on her back in the mud, crying, but with no apparent injuries.
Espinosa and her 2-year-old son, in the seat behind her, had minor injuries.
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Who says rednecks aren't real bright?
"Hello, is this the FBI?"
"Yes, can I help you."
"I'm calling to report about my neighbor, Billy Bob Smith! He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood."
"Thank you very much for the call, sir."
The next day the FBI agents descend on Billy Bob's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of firewood, but find no marijuana. They swore at Billy Bob and left.
The phone rings at Billy Bob's house. "Hey Billy Bob! Did the FBI come?"
"Yeah."
"Did they chop your firewood?"
"Yep."
"Merry Christmas, buddy!"
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DDL
A modest young girl named Oola
Once donned a grass skirt to dance Hula.
A cow ate the grass,
Exposing her ass,
Now she's no longer modest but coola.
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"I failed to make the chess team because of my height."
-Woody Allen
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"Unhappiness is not knowing what we want out of life and killing ourselves to get it."
--Don Herold
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"Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat."
-Fran Lebowitz
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Hey Martha (true)
Wednesday, February 20, 2002
Teacher suspended for giving cat food
CADIZ, Ky. (AP) -- A Trigg County teacher's aide has been suspended over complaints that he gave middle school students heart-shaped Valentine's Day treats that turned out to be cat food.
The aide, in his first year as an assistant, was suspended last week pending an investigation.
"He exercised very, very, very poor judgment," said Superintendent Tim McGinnis, adding that the name of the aide will not released until the investigation is finished. "We don't know why he would do something like this. We're embarrassed, we're apologetic."
McGinnis said the employee took the treats from class to class Thursday afternoon and gave them to students, some of whom "sniffed, nibbled or took a bite" from the treats.
After school officials learned what the aide had done, children exposed to the cat treats were encouraged to wash their mouths out, brush their teeth and visit the school nurse.
There were no reports of illness.