Daily Dose - 020428 - Helicopter Pilot, Rotten News, muster, DDL, Hey Martha
Late one night during bad weather, the following was heard over the radio at an airport control tower:
Helicopter Pilot: "Tower, I'm holding at 3000 feet over Heli-pad 1."
Second voice: "NO! You can't be doing that! I'm holding at 3000 over that pad!"
There was a brief moment of silence.
First voice again: "You idiot! You're my co-pilot!"
_____________________________
Rotten News (true)
Jack rabbits attack walkers in Sonoma County; man bitten, woman forced to evade jack rabbit
Published 8:10 p.m. PST Friday, March 29, 2002
SANTA ROSA, Calif. (AP) - Sonoma County musician Doug Bowes will remember this Easter season as the one where he happened upon the Easter Bunny, and it attacked him.
Bowes was walking near his home at about 11 a.m. Wednesday when the attack occurred. A small, gray jack rabbit bounded toward him from a nearby fence.
"I thought, 'Gosh, this is somebody's pet,' " Bowes said. He put his hand down in a friendly gesture and the bunny lunged and bit him.
Bowes began to walk home, nursing a sore hand with broken skin, but the rabbit followed him. A short time later, a nearby neighbor had to retreat up a hill after another aggressive jack rabbit forced her back.
Bowes had to get rabies shots and faces five additional vaccinations, though area health officials say it would be rare if the animal had rabies.
"If it were (rabid) it would make history," said David Yong, director of laboratory services for the county public health division. No rabbit has tested positive for rabies in Sonoma County in the past 16 years, Yang said.
**********
Tuesday, 26 March, 2002, 15:22 GMT
Sex doll fan mistaken for murderer
Munich is famous for its beer, rather than its sex dolls
A German man suspected of murder has been cleared by police after it emerged a "corpse" in his possession was in fact a new addition to his sex doll collection.
In a case reminiscent of Alfred Hitchcock's classic film "Rear Window", a zealous neighbour called the police after seeing the man carrying what he believed was a dead body into his flat in the city of Munich.
Officers from the city police department travelled immediately to the building.
Hitchcock's character was convinced his neighbour had murdered his wife
"It appears we disturbed him as he was acquainting himself with his recent purchase," spokesman Peter Reichl told BBC News Online.
The doll, he added, was of a silicone variety - giving it a more lifelike appearance than the standard blow-up toy.
Police left the man, who was "surprised and upset" by the questioning, after he showed them his collection of dolls.
He now has four.
He was offered the department's profuse apologies, Mr Reichl said. It is not clear whether the caller has also apologised for causing upset to his neighbour.
______________________________
I remember standing at quarters one morning whilst stationed aboard the USS Adroit. Lieutenant Montgomery was doing the muster.
"JACKSON?"
"Here!"
"KIBBEY?"
"Yo."
"STEPHENS?"
"Present, sir."
"SEEBACK?"
Nothing.
"SEEBACK?!"
Still nothing.
"DAMMIT, SEEBACK!"
As the division Chief I whispered into the Lieutenant's ear, "Sir, turn the paper over."
____________________________
DDL
There once was a woman named June
Whom looked just like a baboon
Since her bottom was bare
She wore underwear
so no one would see a full moon!
____________________________
"There's no reason to become alarmed, and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight. By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?"
-Elaine the stewardess in AIRPLANE
***
Susan: A real woman could stop you from drinking.
Arthur: It'd have to be a real BIG woman.
-Susan (Jill Eikenberry) and Arthur (Dudley Moore), ARTHUR
***
"I would like to say this. Tardiness is not something you can do on your own. Many, many people contributed to my tardiness. I would like to thank my parents for never giving me a ride to school, the LA city bus driver who took a chance on an unknown kid and last but not least, the wonderful crew from McDonalds who spend hours making those egg McMuffins without which I'd never be tardy."
-Travis (Breckin Meyer), CLUELESS
___________________________
Hey Martha (true)
Tuesday, February 19, 2002
Mary Jane for Pain
SANTA CRUZ, Calif. (AP) -- School officials are considering whether to yank a 13-year-old's science project because it examines medical uses for marijuana.
The junior high school student was allowed to present her "Mary Jane for Pain" project to classmates Thursday, but school officials later confiscated her props -- including a marijuana-laced muffin and a spray bottle of pot-steeped rubbing alcohol. They returned the props to the girl's father, Joe Morris, rather than call law enforcement.
Morris said Mission Hill Junior High officials gave initial clearance for the project and should have said something earlier if they objected.
"Don't children have constitutional rights?" Morris said. "In a way, it's censorship and that's not acceptable."
Morris said his daughter became interested in the subject because her aunt is a caregiver for a woman who uses marijuana as a medicine.
School officials haven't yet decided if the girl can display her project next week at a prize competition.