Daily Dose - 020422 - Sea Story, BIZARRE NEWS, Airport Security, DDL, Hey Martha
You do know the difference between a Fairy Tale and a Sea Story, don't you?
A Fairy Tale starts out "Once upon a time," while a Sea Story begins with, "Now, this is a 'no-shitter.'"
Brotha Jim SWEARS on his mother's life that this is a "no- shitter." That it's true.
Jim plays golf down in Tuscaloosa, Alabama. The course was built right next to a cemetery. One of the greens is right next to the fence that separates the golf course from the cemetery.
One afternoon, Jim was playing with a well-known loudmouth and they came up to that green.
Loudmouth had about a 50 foot putt to sink. He took out his putter and whacked the ball towards the hole.
It so just happens on the other side of the fence there was a funeral in process. Jim says, "Honest to God, that putt *almost* made it in about the time the pastor across the fence got done with the service. Loudmouth shouts -- loud enough for the funeral to hear -- 'Get in that damn hole, motherfucker!'"
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BIZARRE NEWS.....
Bizarre Superstitions
Spilling salt is considered bad luck, probably because it was once so valuable. Superstition has it a person is doomed to shed as many tears as it takes to dissolve the spilled salt.
Evil spirits can't harm you when you stand inside a circle.
Suspend a wedding band over the palm of the pregnant girl. If the ring swings in a circular motion it will be a girl. If the ring swings in a straight line the baby will be a boy.
A knife as a gift from a lover means that the love will soon end.
[Especially if the knife is delivered to your back.]
If you use the same pencil to take a test that you used for studying for the test, the pencil will remember the answers.
The number of Xs in the palm of your right hand is the number of children you will have.
You must hold your breath while going past a cemetery or you will breathe in the spirit of someone who has recently died.
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Death Narrowly Averted for Washington Man
A 13-foot steel beam tumbled from the 11th story of a construction site in downtown Washington and slammed into the driver's side window of a passing Mercedes Benz, missing the driver by inches.
Jeffrey Pargament, 44, said he was passing a building under construction near the intersection of Pennsylvania Avenue and H streets, when he heard some shouting.
"Instantaneously I was hit," he said. "I thought I was struck by a vehicle. I was stunned at first and turned around to see this beam sticking through the car."
Alan Etter, a spokesman for the D.C. fire department, said construction workers on the 11th story were trying to remove the 143-pound beam from a crane when they lost their grip and watched it tumble.
"He's the luckiest guy walking around town today," Etter added.
[Taken from washingtonpost.com]
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Situation Gets Hairy For Bald Cocaine Dealer
BRESCIA, Italy - A bald drug smuggler was feeling 'Head and Shoulders' above the rest until police found cocaine in the man's shampoo bottle.
Police became suspicious of his need for the product which they found during a routine inspection and upon further investigation discovered 400 grams of cocaine inside the bottle.
The man told them he was only a local dealer but promised to help police trace a ring which had smuggled drugs from Colombia and Peru. The suspects are said to be Italian, Albanian, Macedonian and Nigerian nationals.
The information has lead to 16 additional arrests.
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Competition to be stiff in world gangbang championship
The World's First Annual Gangbang Championship starts pumping up on Thursday, February 7, in Warsaw, Poland.
Three women are competing for the coveted honor -- Brazilian porn star Mayara, British model Claire Brown, and Polish magazine editor Klaudia Figura.
They'll compete by having sex with as many men as possible. To qualify, each encounter must last between 30 seconds and a minute.
Organizers hope at least one competitor breaks the world record of 620 sex partners, set by American porn actress Houston in 1998.
Insiders say Warsaw native Figura is the crowd favorite and one organizer says "all Poland will be proud" if she sets a record.
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Panty Bandit Steals Briefs at Open Houses
CALGARY, Alberta - A man pretending to be a home buyer took advantage of dozens of real estate open houses. The man would browse through the houses and steal several pieces of lingerie, adding up to 200 pairs of panties and bras.
According to police, the 35-year-old suspect would later find the seller's phone number and harass the owner.
"He would comment on the lingerie and make suggestions with regard to how it may look on the victim, and things of that nature," Detective Stu Morse said.
Police tracked the suspect during their investigation and caught him making one of the taunting calls from a pay phone. He has now been arrested on several charges, and police are requesting the man undergo a psychiatric evaluation.
Over his entire harrassment period, the man is said to have victimized as many as 100 women.
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Nude Cops Damage Colleagues' Credibility
VIENNA, Austria - No one knows what they were thinking. A group of Austrian police officers who posed for a calendar packing their pistols and not much else have been demoted to routine patrol duty.
The men appeared nude with guns, handcuffs, nightsticks and were superimposed over photos of barely-clothed women.
The almost dozen officers wanted to join Cobra, the elite unit protecting VIPs like the Pope, but they have been refused because of the calendar.
While female listeners have expressed their appreciation for the pictures, fellow police officers are only shaking their heads. One officer said, "To call them naive would be flattering them. It was simply stupid. They've made the job difficult for their colleagues, who've lost credibility on the street."
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Almost 150 years ago, President Lincoln found it necessary to hire a private investigator - Mr. Alan Pinkerton. He was actually the beginning of the Secret Service. Since that time federal police authority has grown to a large number of agencies - FBI, CIA, INS, IRS, DEA, BATF, ATF, etc...
Now Congress is considering a proposal for another agency: The "Federal Air Transportation Airport Security Service."
Can't you see it now? The new agents in their black uniforms with the initials in large white letters across their backs?
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DDL
There was a young fool name of Raines,
To get laid, he'd go to great pains
Never a genius,
He thought with his penis,
But his prick was as dumb as his brains.
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"Once while walking through the mall a guy came up to me and said 'Hey, how's it going?' So I grabbed his arm and twisted it up behind his back and said 'Now whose asking the questions?'"
-Jack Handey
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"I wish I were telepathic. Not just to read people's minds, which would be cool, but to cut down on my cellular phone bill."
-Paul Wiley
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"Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists who are panicked by the thought that the public was beginning to understand the old ones."
-Mike Barfiel
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Hey Martha (true)
Thursday, March 21, 2002
Man registered soldering gun as firearm
Manitoba resident not concerned he could go to jail
OAK LAKE, Man. (CP) -- The Manitoba man who successfully registered his soldering gun as a firearm to protest new federal gun laws says he is not concerned he could go to jail.
"I don't think they would be foolish enough to want this thing to drag out for a year or two, because it could if they charged me," Brian Buckley said from his auto body shop in Oak Lake, 250 kilometres west of Winnipeg. "I won't plead guilty."
Last Christmas, Buckley, who is opposed to the new gun laws requiring all firearms to be registered by 2003, mailed his registration form back to the government with information from his soldering and heat guns on it.
The "guns" were registered in the national database. On Wednesday, government officials said Buckley could be jailed for what he did.
The threats have made him angry.
"I've got an eight-year-old and a 10-year-old kid and they're hearing on the radio some bureaucrat from the east threatening I could go to jail for five years," Buckley said.
"Even though I have reassured my kids that the government would never actually do that, I know when my son got on the bus this morning he said, 'I don't think you'll go to jail, eh dad?' And I said, 'No, I never will.'"
David Austin, spokesman for the Canadian Firearms Centre, said Buckley's case has been turned over to the RCMP.
"It's limited what I can say here because we've got the prospect of criminal charges," Austin said.
As far as making an example of Buckley, Austin said it is not the centre's call.
"Enforcement of the Criminal Code is the responsibility of the police," Austin said. "We do not make the decision on prosecution. We've got our job and they've got their job."
Buckley, who has a possession-only firearms licence, calls the gun registry laws a waste of time and money.
When he got a registration card back with the make of the gun listed as Black & Decker/Weller, he said he couldn't believe his eyes.
Under the Criminal Code it is illegal for anyone to provide false information to register a firearm.
Officials have said Buckley violated the Criminal Code because the information he supplied does not relate to a firearm.
Depending on the type of conviction, an individual who provides false information to get a registration certificate could be given anything from a $2,000 fine or six months in jail to five years behind bars.
Buckley admits the publicity that has swirled around him this week has been "kind of fun."
He said he heard from about a dozen people Thursday who said they support him.
"I've had people phoning me today and stopping in here saying 'If you do get charged and you need financial help to pay a fine, let us know. We are sick of this,'" Buckley said.
A member of Parliament has even contacted Buckley to say he can get some free legal help if he needs it.
"This is a pretty friendly town as it is, but I can't believe the number of people who have big smiles on their faces and are waving at me today."